Sunday, April 28, 2013



It's Raining Men by Naomi Rand

I grabbed this novel because of the title and how campy it would be to have... Its been a long time since I have read a modern day mystery and this book would not drive me back to that habit.

There is nothing wrong with the novel--it's part of a series and the lead character of Emma Price is enjoyable to an extent, the idea of including her children in the story adds a sense of realism and makes her different from other detectives but I found her POV kind of lacking.

The main mystery did little for me--though the fact that it was her friend as the victim and her a possible second target--because I felt the story didn't really add up by the end of the day. I was confused by two characters who were very similar in their use in the story, didn't see how the facts added up the way the story claimed and just found it all to be very stunted and forced.

It's sad because I think I would have liked the novel if the story had just been a bit more polished but it is what it is.

3 stars for an interesting character as the lead but the rest lost me.

Friday, April 26, 2013

How I Want To Live

Goals Goals Goals

So I wrote awhile back about how Johnno and I were going to work on goals of being more social, getting out more away from the Dollhouse and the bar scene... Just try to develop more socially and within our relationship as well--a lofty goal.

We spent Friday night out at a bar for our friend's birthday--somewhere new and the first time the whole gang had been together in awhile. We had fun catching up with people, drinks were shared and for the most part a pleasant evening. But when we came home both Johnno and I talked about how we felt disconnected at points--I know for me it has to do with the social anxiety that comes from not smoking--which rubbed off on him.

This led to us both talking about want to work on the social life more--trying again to do more than just work, work out, drink at bars then repeat the cycle. There is not wrong with most of these things but we need to add something more to the mix.

Which led to one of the best weekends in a long time...

We spent it thrift shopping and dropping off clothes to donate, a nice simple vegan dinner out just us, a bit of catching up over cocktails at our local gay bar.... We spent Sunday out at the LA Festival of Books just seeing what people put out, we held hands in the park listening to poetry, wander the tables to see what new things were out for writers... We spend the remainder of the night at Dominic's house for dinner with a small handful of people--people who I hadn't spent much time with lately and was eager to catch up with... It was nice to have the small moments and build up new memories.

I think that has been my concern--that things have been blending together recently and I am trying to work more on being special... Within myself and my relationships with other people. It's a bit of effort but very much worth it!!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Number Escapes Me

Two Plus Weeks

So I fell off the non-smoking wagon a bit back due to various reasons but the biggest being I didn't really want to quit so I just made excuses... Lots of excuses... But now I am finally on track and feeling so proud of myself--I think the fake cigarette helps with the social anxiety aspect while the patches keep the cravings for nicotine away....

But the biggest part that has helped me with this is my job. Oddly enough I started to realize that who I was becoming during detox from the nicotine--the moody, mean, and messy bitch--was so similar to the people I watch for my show. Junkies coming off heroin, all that pain and misery, who then go back to using and put themselves through the cycle again... Which only hurts the people they love, makes they sick and wastes everyone's time.

I was doing the same thing

And once I realized that I was putting Johnno, my co-workers and sometimes my roommates through that cycle I made the decision to stop. To stop hurting them and myself by doing the same thing when I know I am smart enough to change.

Which really did change everything. Guess it is true what they say--you cannot quit until ready.

Monday, April 22, 2013

General Nerdom

50 Years and Still Kicking It

So "General Hospital" just celebrated 50 years on the air--50 years is a long time and one they filled with some of my favorite moments ever... Television moments like Dawn and Decker solving the carousel murder mystery and falling in love,  Sonny/Brenda/Jax triangle which was all about passion versus love/security versus danger, Dominique's brave battle with cancer while Lucy carried her baby as a friend, Gia the black supermodel and face of Deception, Jason and Robin in love and fighting the mob and AIDS, and sweet poor murdered Georgie Jones...

Some great stuff there--but this doesn't include my favorite moment in the show's history... BJ's death and Maxie gets her heart.... I cannot begin to explain how much the story of one child's death and the gift of organ donation effected me as a child. I swear that is how I became a donor card member myself. And watching the fallout from the story--from Tony and Bobbie losing BJ, to Felicia's breakdown at her niece's death which would allow her daughter to live, from Mac bravely tracking down Frisco and even sweet Lucas sending balloons up to heaven...

It still makes me teary

Obviously I love this show. So I was beyond excited when Joy told me the cast would be doing a panel at the Paley Center of Television... We quickly rounded up Valeska and decided we would all make a day of it--and it was amazing. we were able to be in a room with various cast members from Luke & Laura, Anna, Maxie, Carly, Sonny and others--totally worth the adventure and with plenty of pictures.

Here was the panel--it really doesn't capture how close we were to the stage but we able to see the scary plastic surgery of some of the cast--which wasn't as much as you would think. They were very fun and gracious with all the crazy fans even during the weird Q&A. And no--we did not ask any questions simply because I think we were more amused by how they were handling the crazies themselves

Afterwards the cast took pictures with the audience

which was really cool but rather odd... But the best was that we were able to get a super nerdier moment with Laura (AKA Genie Francis) real life husband. You might say this was the Number 1 part

Yes--the one and only Riker from Star Trek: Next Generation was there to support his wife. I think we surprised him by recognizing him but he was quite sweet and allow a picture or two to happen during the end of the Q&A. Of course the phrase Number One would continue to come into effect

I really had to pee during the Q&A and hustled down to the mens bathroom after we finished with the panel... Turns out this is the best place to go for this type of thing. I was using the urinal when I suddenly realized I was not alone--and I knew this person.


That's right... I peed next to Luke Spencer--the biggest name in male soap characters of all time. And no I did not look or even say much more than hello... I figured that would be pushing it--but I was in shock the whole time.

It was an amazing evening and I owe the whole thing (and these pictures) to my friends Joy and Valeska... What a great evening...

(What made it better though was when we came back past the theater a few hours later, saw the actress who played Carly still stuck outside of the Paley Center which was long closed... I think we might have freaked her out by saying hello...and then we were able to meet the head writer of the show and his assistant..... They even honked and waved to us as they left which made it more surreal)


Sunday, April 21, 2013


Baby Be-Bop by Francesca Lia Block

Francesca Lia Block is one of my favorite writers of all time--not just as a young adult or children's author but of all genres. She write in a style that is thickly descriptive, flavored for all of the sense and filled with a sense of innocence with darkness of reality twisted in.

It was actually with Block how I figured out why I liked the young adult genre so much--when it comes to most "adult" novels--outside the genres of romance or horror or mystery--there is a world weariness that usually drapes over the characters. The idea of hope and the art of questioning has usually left the story whereas even with the darkest young adult novel there is a sense of hope or idea of time to come and change things. That's something I definitely lock into.

That said--Baby Be-Bop is the 5th book in the Weetzie Bat series but could simply stand on it's own two feet as a single novel. It tells the story Dirk McDonald growing up in a timeless--though 80s in the series timeline--Los Angeles and figuring out who he is, what he wants and how it fits into the history of his family. There are touches of magic and the punk rock scene, dark thoughts and history played off the magic of first love and desire and something very adult in how this is all pursued.

It is the type of book I wish I could write because it blends so much in with such little effort. It seems like a simple story with a simple goal but it is more about the world and becoming an adult than one would imagine.

Four stars

Friday, April 19, 2013

Just Being Rory

Just Putting You On Notice

Seriously people--its how I live... And I am making this face in the back of my head constantly!

Sunday, April 14, 2013



A Fool for Love--a Biography of F Scott Fitzgerald by Scott Donaldson

I have always been a little obsessed with F Scott Fitzgerald and stumbled across this book while searching out titles for the upcoming wedding. I wasn't sure how dry the biography would be but figured I would at least give it a shot--well worth the effort.
The story is not broken down in a traditional time frame but rather by the spheres of influence in Fitzgerald's life. Sure it begins with childhood and family but also explores the importance of Princeton University and how that shaped him, how his various love interests reflected on his psyche and defined his characters, his love/hate relationship with social status as well as life long struggle with alcohol.
Of course it also spends time on Zelda and their relationship together and apart but also sends a suitable amount of time on his daughter Scottie and how his flaws and favors pressed down upon her as well. It also spends time really talking about his life in Hollywood which is something that seems to be forgotten by most followers.
Smart, clean, in-depth and overreaching at points--much like the man himself. Worth the effort to track this down if you enjoy his books.

Four stars

Sunday, April 07, 2013



To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

"I recently reread this book just because and totally remembered what was so amazing about the story. Harper Lee uses a slight dialogue and prose style to create a truly classic American story about small town life, the ideals and cost of justice and what it means to belong with in society--as a neighbor, a sibling, and a friend. I know this is required reading in most schools but is worth revisiting as an adult to see what an economy of words can do and how even a simple story focused on children can teach adults about the world."

Five stars

Monday, March 25, 2013

The Best Thing Ever

The Best Thing Ever

I don't think anything could make me any happier than this little picture

It combines my favorite actor with one of my favorite teen authors.... It is going to be printed and hung by desk....

Sunday, March 24, 2013


Past Imperfect by Joan Collins

So I am on a Joan Collins kick. I love her-the look, the attuide and the lifesytle and so when I discovered her autobiography I had to get it.

And it was a great read when it comes to finding out her long and drama filled backstory. Starting from her days growing up in London with her small family, the early days at the Royal Dramatic Academy, to her early career in film I found this to be a page turner. It was interesting to learn about the last days of the studio system, her friendships with various Hollywood elite and her career comeback with the one and only "Dynasty".

She pulls no punches and almost nothing is sacred--except her relationship with sister Jackie--and she goes in great detail about her marriages, romances, and career highs and lows. I learned a lot of surprising facts from her early engagement with Warren Beaty, the infamous french hotel fire she was trapped in in real life to the near life derailing accident that befell one of her children.

What I took from her story is how to be a survivor, how the backend of your life can change into sucess and how personal courage and charisma can be the biggest assest anyone has. Well worth the read

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Mystery Solved

Mystery Solved

So I finally figured out who sent me the "God Hates Bags" bag... I am glad I wasn't crazy and didn't buy it myself for myself in some weird stupor... It turns out Johnno's friend Andie randomly saw my post and bought it for me for Valentine's Day. She emailed me the other day to make sure it came, was surprised to find out that didn't have a note and now the case is closed.

Good to know.

I was wish I was better at doing things like that myself. Just randomly finding things for others and giving gifts in the moment. Maybe this is a sign that I should work on doing just that... Or more people could put hints out there and I could be the Secret Santa they have been hoping for.

I'd like


Love and Desire and Hate

Classic Smut

I had bought this book as a joke for my upcoming wedding--we're doing a library theme and using all types of books--so why not Joan Collins? I decided to read this top to bottom in a week just make sure it wasnt God awful and I loved it!!!

Every word

I love that it has the classic smut 80-90s feel--beautiful characters behaving badly, too much detail on the wealth that surrounds them and a dedication to campy dialouge. But what I really loved is that there is this period of time in the smut fiction era that ALWAYS had beautiful people haunted by the events of World War II--something real caught authors mind back then and has not let go. It's really kind of amazing.

It wont win any awards--but it did win my heart briefly.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Who Is Going To Let The Cat Out of The Bag? Literally?

Who Is Going To Let The Cat Out of The Bag? Literally?

So I have a Tumblr account where I like to post my favorite fashion things happening--looks from the runway shows I like, stylized picture of how to wear things and items that are on my on-going fashion hit list. It's about shoes and hats, ways to wear layers and pants cuffs and a general look into what I enjoy wearing. It's not going to change the world but I like it.

And a while back a posted a piece about this new tote bag I had seen out and about--it's cute and clever with more than enough irony and whimsy to make me feel like the happiest boy in the world.

It's clever

So I posted this on my tumblr which goes to my facebook and I just kind of forgot about the whole thing. I have been on a serious budget due to the wedding and though it was inexpensive I just didnt have the extra cash but wanted to keep it on my list since I could go back at some point and pick up pieces. Hope springs eternal.

Imagine my surprise a few weeks later when late night at the Dollhouse a mysterious package arrived. I thought it might have been from Johnno at first as I opened the unknown plain brown wrapper to have the bag fall out in my lap. He claimed he hadnt bought it for me--even though he was known to spring a gift or 3 on me. I was confused and tried to figure it out.

I knew I hadnt bought it but still spent part of the night going through my bank statements, debit card statements and even my credit card bills to see if I had somehow bought it without remembering. It's not like me but I was concerned. Johnno was delighted at how much the gift was freaking me out--it was like I had a stalker--one who couldnt spell my last name properly. (Per the mailing label)

I couldnt find a clue then so I then took the bag out with me the next day. I was heading out with the bridesmaids to try on dresses and figure if one of them bought the bag I could bust them out. I must have looked crazy as I made my big show of the bag throughout the day and eventually questioned each of the six girls--all of whom never claimed the gift as their own.

So now I am at a loss... I have no idea who sent it to me, where it came from or if I am sleep shopping. I feel like I have lost my mind in a fashion conspiracy.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Book Whore

Anne of Ingleside by L.M. Montgomery

As I continue my way through the Anne of Green Gable series I find myself struggling more and more as the series grows. While I still enjoy the writing style of L.M. Montgomery I found myself growing more and more disinterested as Anne is phased out more and more in favor of her children. There are some great moments in the book with Diana and Anne, a fear of Anne losing Gilbert and the brief return of Christine Stuart which helps to shake the core of the family and what they all think and feel about each other.

It is just the drama with the children that wears thin due to obvious and sometimes trying use of small moral pieces to teach lessons without the same care in characterization which made Anne such a great heroine. The only story that stuck with me was the one concerning a graveyard and God--the rest simply kept me from the charcaters I cared about.

That said--I will continue with the series to see how it all turns out. Hopefully I will be less bothered by the children as the age and grow into their own charcacters. I also hope that there is more development with the actual female characters beyond Anne--L.M. Montgomery doesnt seem to enjoy writing for them nearly as much as her boys.

Boo to that.

Street Art Valley Style

You have to find something pretty everywhere

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Worst Week Ever

Worst Week Ever

It has taken me a full week to recover but I recently had the worst week ever. Like beyond anything I have gone through in a long time but I solidered on and was able to function beyond it. That said--I'm not looking to relive it in full detail so here are the highlights.

1) My brother is in jail. Now I have known for awhile now that my brother is a heroin addict. It is a gut-wretching situation to be in--part of what I have learned on my show is how hard a drug that is to kick, how overdose is as common as recovery and that they will do anything for the habit. So when my mother called me about him being in jail I knew the worse case scenario but had to hold my tongue.

Instead I used my job to research what he had been arrested for--breaking into houses, stolen credit cards and cash, the common thug crimes addicts committ. He is probably facing some serious jail time, my mother has been falling apart and blaming herself and I am angry at how he has behaved towards us but sad that he has gone this far. And being so removed from it all due to location hasnt helped--all I can do is be honest with my mom to help her make decisions but it is still a heavy burden.

2) Johnno lost his job. Now here's the thing--Johnno's company has always had a high turnover rate which I knew since Kelly was his boss and hired him. I warned him for months to be careful, put his face out there with the bigwigs in a hope it would keep him safe.

Didnt happen.

And when he was let go--my heart broke not only for Johnno but for both of us. So much of the last two and a half years has been about budgeting for the wedding. Our parents have been able to help much--though his parents recently did make a big donation--so we have been very careful about how and where we send our money. I havent bought a fashion piece in almost a year. Crazy town.

So when this went down I wasnt nearly upset about losing Johnno losing his job as I was about the reality of how it was changing the wedding. We were always cutting it cloed myse when it came to the budget and this just shifted everything--open bars, cake options, what room we would have for our wedding night. And so I did what I do best--I took it hard and deep, spent some time crying and almost called the wedding off. I'm not proud of it but I need to process and wallow until I could let go of my fears and anger.

It sucked.

3) Craig's medical incident. My boss Craig is one of the healthist and outdoorsy people I know so imagine to my surprise when the next day (Tues) Jenna and I found him half asleep in his office. We both thought it was because he had been away for a long weekend and was probably just tired.

We were wrong.

After what sounded like a loud snoring fit--Craig began screaming at the top of his lungs. I really wish I could find the words to describe how terrible and loud the sound was--but now I know what it really would sound like to murder someone. (Ironic since I work on a prison show). So I rushed into his office and found him eyes wide open, clutching his chair and just screaming. Jenna and I were the only two in that early--she didnt know what to do and I could tell he was having some type of night terror while asleep. His eyes didnt focus on either one of us in the office.

So while I had her call 911--which doesnt dial out of our office--surprise. I tried my best to wake Craig up without touching him since that could make things worse. He then snapped out of it but still didnt seem to know I was there. He instead tried--failingly-to walk out of his office towards me but i had to catch him to prevent the fall. Eventually I managed to get him to see me and talk to me haltingly but it was scary.

We finally got him into an ambulence after a struggle and while he turned out to be fine--it was stressful. I dont know how I kept such a clear head but I did and even managed to keep Jenna calm on top of that.

4) Facebook drama aka Rory's Creek. So within a few days my friends in the office were aware about the entire wedding/no wedding, Johnno losing his job and how much it was effecting me. My co-worker Jenna and I have been close for over a year-but she is 22 and this is her 2nd adult job in her life and sometimes that comes out in weird ways. So when she posted a supportive but snarky thing on my wall--I was worried that both Johnno and Kelly would think it was attacking them in light of them working together.

So I removed it.

This set off a scene out of a telenovella. Jenna was beyond hurt that I removed it, didnt want to let me explain and when I tried to make it up to her with a joking post about the Craig medical incident--she wasnt having it. So I did what I do best--I backed off to let her cool down so I could talk with her later about it. Turns out this was the worst move I could have made.

The next morning she didnt speak to me at all--awkward since we are in the same space and I am her boss and thought I was her friend. I stilll kept my distance to let her set the pace of whatever was going on--bigger mistake could not have been made. Afterward a whole day of awkwardness she finished out the situation by sending me one of the worst emails I have ever recieved--she wanted to cut the friendship, never talk to me again and only wanted us to email from then on. Unfortunately that wouldnt work in our office and I also wanted a chance to explain the situation.

When she finally let me have that conversation she just ripped me to streads in a way I never saw coming. What really hurt was not only was she overreacting she wasnt letting me explains--she just stood there expressionless as I tried to explain myself then when I finished--she just shook her head and walked away. This after I had fought for her job several times over, been there for her through some deep personal shit and I considered her my protege and a friend. And while I didnt cry--I really wanted to.

Summary) And so I spent that week on an emotional rollercoaster beyond anything I have felt in a while. And I have since shook off parts of it, made some strong decisions regarding what I can and can't do and put it behind me. It was rough but also reminded me I am strong and capable and not a bad person.

Sometimes something good can come out of something bad.

Thursday, March 07, 2013



So I have 6 bridesmaids for the big gay wedding--I tried to pick from the various eras of my life between college friends, Lodie s Angeles friends, creative group friends, friends from random circumstance and the unexpected people who grew into friendship. I ended up going with Edie, Kelly, Chloe, Valeska, Kirby and Ali--a pretty good mix of the various aspects of my life and thankfully they all said.

That said....

It did NOT occure to me that picking so many people would make certain elements of the wedding a bit more complicated. It means a bigger rehearsal dinner than my poor mother was expecting, the idea of the bridesmaids gifts more difficult because what is universal for all of them, but the hardest part has been the dress. The never-to-be-worn-again, could-be-ugly-and-dated-in-two-years, I-dont-wear-dresses-since-Im-a-dude dress. And with six girls with six different colorings, body types, comfortzones and tastes... I opened up a Pandora's box.

Which isnt to say they have been troopers because they have been

So we finally found a weekend when everyone could be in Los Angeles to try and make something happen; a day of shopping was planned to make the most of the situation and so we were going to be off with coffee and courage. At least for me.

And they tried on everything--I learned about ruching and sweetheart necklines, chiffon and sequins, the difference between long and short. We did the wrong colors, the wrong material, things from the 80s and the 50s, cocktail to prom. And while I wasnt able to make a decision--I'm still torn on how to describe what I will be wearing--I learned a lot about clothes but also my girls. How much they must love me to go through with whole process.

But it also gave me some amazing memories--Edie in a high ruffled collar looking like she escaped from a "Dynasty" ball, Kelly covered in a gold and white number better suited for a quinceanera, Kirby bravely shouldering on through ill fitted clevage, Ali demonstrating the various types of necklines, Chloe in the short 70s numbers and the classic moment of Valeska discovering the accidental "PANTSUIT".

So even though it is probably the hardest part of the process outside of the fundraising--it is also probably my favorite part of the wedding process so far. I'm just glad I didnt add more people to the line up--I dont think the bridal dress industry could have handled it!

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Let Them Eat Cake--Unless It Is Crappy Cake

Let Them Eat Cake--Unless It Is Crappy Cake

So I hate cake. Like I really dont like anything sweet except things like Pop Tarts or short bread cookies but most of the time I cannot do sugar for longer than a bite. It's a problem when you are planning a wedding because your supposed to have cake--for the guests, for the ceremony--its part of the package.

Still-- its a lot of money to spend when you're not really going to enjoy it. So I started to look for other ideas that I could live with but would still allow for those special moments. I fell in with this

It's a King cake--a traditional Madri Gras food and something I thought would be humorous for the day given the name and it being a gay wedding. Johnno didnt really care about this detail of the wedding too much so I was off and running. But since it is a season thing I was worried as to how we would find one--would we have to order one from New Orleans or could we find a local bakery in Seattle to make this happen? Thankfully our wedding planner was on the case.

She was able to find a local bakery to buy a sample from and we had it shipped down to us after the holiday. Now I usually only have a small slice once a year so the taste is familar but not super common so I wasnt sure if I would remember what I liked about it. And even though the cake is covered with icing it was also a bread with praline in the center so it wasnt full sugar top to bottom so it could work

And then the sample cake arrived.

I'm going to be nice and not post a picture of what we recieved--I'm sure it had been properly decorated and just had elements of it shift during the mailing. Johnno and I were both eager as we opened the box but what we recieved didnt look anything like a normal King cake. Imagine a loaf of coffee cake with some type of clear glittery glaze over it--nothing like even part of the above picture.

And the taste was just as disappointing.

Now I dont have King cake all the time but even I can tell when something was wrong with it. Dry, boring with way too much sweetness rolled on top. I almost cried as we ate it because of how bad it was--and Johnno did his best to solider on. But we both knew that it wasnt what we needed or wanted for our special day. And to try and send off for a sample of a proper cake sent from New Orleans was too expensive to consider.

So now we're at a loss.

We have to figure out how to move on beyond cake and to something new that could work just as well. Something that we both would like, that the guests would enjoy and be easy to make special for our day. I'm really getting open to suggestions.

Sunday, March 03, 2013


Cleopatra-A Life by Stacy Schiff

Confession: I'm a Cleopatra nerd. So this might not be the most unbaised review ever. But I simply adored this book. Stacy Schiff does a great job of taking the base facts that could be gathered about the city of Alexandria, the ruling families of Egypt, Roman and various other locales and put together something that is gripping with being overly soap opera like. She uses equal amounts skills, research and various historical accounts to put the life, goals and repurcussions of Cleopatra--and by default Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar--into a complex context with becoming dry or boring.

If there is one account of this amazing, overly romantized, wildly political and legendary life to read then this is the one. It takes someone who is beyond the pale and gives you motivation, inspiration and a sense of depth beyond the various detractors and lovers. I cannot recommend any book higher in recent history

Monday, February 25, 2013

This Should Feel Familiar

I'm watching Johnno through window from the park behind our building. Today has been one of the worst in my life in a long time--but this should feel familiar....

There's a reason I'm a fatalist.

Every time I think I have something good in my life it falls apart. I should be used to disappointment and yet here I am again--acting like it is some novel feeling

No we didn't break up.

Johnno lost his job today. I found out that my brother is in jail & will probably serve time. I'm pretty sure the wedding is off since there is no way to afford it given the current situation.

And I don't think we're strong enough to do this again.... So unless some drastic happens then this it it. I'm just tired of mourning. I know I'll be fine sooner than later--I'm a survivor but I'm just tired

And nothing is decided yet but I just cannot see pulling this off... The upside is I'm too depressed to eat so there's that at least

Another Bitch

I made a new friend... He is a pretty little thing but also a humper so it forced a bit of distance to the relationship. I love the little bitch

Sunday, February 24, 2013


Another Kind of Love by Paula Christian

I loved this book... I'll be honest--I bought this novel based off the cover art and scandalous feel--I didnt know anything about the author or even the lesbian pulp genre. But I totally loved the two novels in this collection because they were solidly written, with interesting characters and though I could take or leave the sadness of the tone--I was willing to accept that since it was two books written in 1961.

It wasnt going to be pretty or sympathetic.

But it is a valuable and interesting window into a world some people would never know if it wasnt for these stories, the details of the subculture and the historical aspect of the experience. I also liked that each book looked at a different place--one is in New York and the other is in Los Angles--and found the little details of the time and how they effected each locale.

I would suggest anyone who likes well written trashy novels steeped in context. Well worth the effort

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Working Girl

Working Girl

So for the last few months my job has been killing me--mostly by being so busy and crazy that sometimes it has been hard to breath. It's hard to complain about that when you work in freelance because most of my co-workers from my vast career in reality TV would kill for something as open ended as this job has turned out to be. And I found myself growing more and more attached to my work family--we have been a team now off and on for over two years that I spend more time with them then most other people in my life.

I really like them.

That said--with the work scehdule continuing to grow crazy and never catching up I was debating trying to leave. I know I couldnt because of the wedding and Johnno and I paying for it mostly ourselves but I had reached a point where I just felt so far behind and not even getting much of a chance to improve my career that I was at a loss. And because they are family--the office was starting to feel that.

I wasnt being a bitch.

I just was tired and drained, working on my weekends and in a constant state of shuffling. I would have meetings and be honest about what was going on with the work load--I have a nickname at the office for being the Grim Reaper--but I think they understood what I was trying to say. And eventually we tried various gameplans to make the show work; adding new people to mix--some who worked and some who didnt--trying different work flows but it was getting to the point that it was hard to feel any forward movement.

So instead they gave me not one--but two!--raises and two new job titles. Part of me knows they did this to try and make it harder for me to leave; they did the same for the girl who works under me but that's okay. I cant help but see what they are doing--by paying us more and give us more of a career move they are then making it harder to leave. And they shifted the other jobs around as well to help and keep everyone in the process and create a better flow which seems to be working.

And it makes me happy.

I cant help but feel the love right now--even if I know there are strings attached. It makes me feel like I bet on the right horse and am where I am supposed to be for the moment. They are trying to make us all happy and create and foster a strong team which seems to be working.

And more money--have to love more money.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Must not open the cake box in the office or Johnno would leave me.... But I have a cake box and am so excited about it!!! Yum yum yum

Monday, February 18, 2013

Build this now

Someone needs to build this for ASAP... I would like this in everyplace I live from now on

Wedding Training

So who had the time to train me on how to curl my hair? I love this style and would die if I could rock it on the wedding day... It's a bit girlie I guess but just seems so fashion forward that I can't help but love it

Sunday, February 17, 2013


Insignificant Others by Stephen McCauley

I really wanted to like this book... The writing is strong and crisp though a bit smug at points but I just couldnt get over the plot itself. I didnt feel much sympathy for Richard and his situation beause he really only gets concerned once his spouse has more feelings for his lover than Richard--but Richard is more than guilty of the exact same thing in an even worse way. He doesnt seem to care at all for Conrad--he only wants to keep Conrad out of jealousy.
It's annoying and makes him unrootable.

The one thing I did love was the character of Doreen. She is not a fag hag by any stretch and her dynamic with Ricahrd as well as her overall development is fascinating. Cold, aloof, ambitious yet with more depth than you can expect--she is really the star of this book. I just wish it had given me something or someone to root for but Richard is so spoiled and cold that I couldnt care less.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Syntax Stress

Syntax Stress

Its my own damn fault. Part of the stress of planning my wedding has come from my own inability to say the right things the right way; using the wrong words or not saying anything at all. I have left things slide or stagnate through my own inaction but fortunately I have been called out on it.

It needed to happen.

See, Johnno and I have both been stressing out about our lack of an engagement party. We were offered one by Kelly back when we first were engaged 2 years ago but we held off. We were paranoid about paying for the wedding ourselves and unsure who we could invite. Weddings are very political things to a degree--how many people you can have, who you choose to invite, when you choose to invite them--and we were scared. We didn't want to step on the toes of friends who were engaged sooner and getting married earlier, we didn't want to risk inviting people to an engagement party if we weren't sure we could have them at the wedding so we kept pushing off any party.

Now in our minds the engagement party would be a party similar to what my friends did for Kelly years ago--simple, elegant night out with friends to eat, drink and be merry as we all got excited about her upcoming nuptials. It wasn't stuffy or overly done but just candles and pretty views and cocktails with her nearest and dearest. We want to have that same type of affair for ourselves to get more excited about the wedding.

See--the thing is the grunt work of wedding planning is stressful. It's pick colors down to the right shade, budgeting for every possible problems, telling family members to stop trying to invite people and figuring out how to work our friends into the ceremony. It's about squirming over contracts and tasting every dish under the sun, handpicking play lists for the reception and finding a photographer who wont make you feel fat. And while having a planner has helped with this in a major way it is still something that can make the best couple bicker.

Which is why the idea of the engagement party took on such a focus for us--something to be fun and dressed up and celebrate with people. A night that we could laugh and shrug off concerns about place settings and marriage vows to enjoy the excitement of the special day. And every time we dropped hints, trying to ask about said party we were greeted with either silence or a quick agreement it was happening. It was starting to annoy us that we didn't feel we knew what was going on.

Things came to a head when I sent out an email asking about when the engagement party would be since we were planning the last few trips up to Seattle to settle things for the wedding. The question was avoided and my feelings were hurt because I was led to believe that nothing was happening and I didn't want to push and feel like forced anyone into anything and instead had built up such an anger about the issue I could barely see straight.

Turns out I was using the wrong word.

When I finally sat down and talked things over with my maid of honor I realized that the girls all felt the time for an engagement party had passed and that I had said no when they offered so they were annoyed that I felt like they blew me off. They were more concerned about throwing a shower which I never even though about--I just wanted Johnno and I to have any kind of party. Everyone was hearing the specific words used when I was using the wrong words all along.

So when Edie and I sat down and had a long discussion about wedding things--the one thing that came clearer and clearer was I wasn't expressing myself the right way. I was using the wrong words and not saying any words at the wrong time and if I actually sat down and thought things through and communicated them properly it would be okay.

I had to use my words--the right words so people could meet me half way.

Knowing how much of what was going on was a misunderstand freed me of so much. To know that they were waiting on me to say what I need and what I wanted so they could try and make things happen... It helped a huge deal to know this. That they want to celebrate, to help and to be there and I wasn't being pushy or unfair took away so much of my stress that it was freeing. It really does matter that I say what I feel and what I want so I can make things happen for me, for the girls and for Johnno... It was a good lesson

PS I am sure I am not using syntax in the right way but it sounded good. I have much more to learn I guess.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Weight and Waiting

Weight and Waiting

So as you probably saw here--I broke the elipitcal at my apartment. Now it wasn't  a fancy 4 figured number, just one of those simple ones that shouldnt last forever and would die eventually. That said--nothing makes you feel fatter than snapping a metal pipe from the weight of your foot--makes you wonder about how much the scale is lying. What sucks most is that I had recently somehow pulled a muscle in my chest which meant doing my usual weight and strength routine was impossible--so I had focused on cardio for the past 4 weeks so I could recover.

I dropped 14 pounds in the first two weeks.

It was amazing because I had felt like I had plateau-ed for so long that any weight change would be good. As a result, I was becoming obsessed with my diet, my workouts, my overall looks in the past weeks. Between trying on various suit options for the wedding--did you know there are male Spanks?--and just bad numbers on the scale I was getting to the tipping point within myself.

And it hasnt help that a number of people in my life are the same way--roommates and co-workers and friends at parties and blogs I read and twitters I follow. Everyone talking about juice fasts and carbs and runnning and Zumba and fitting into clothing and double chins. It was to the point where I reached a line within myself that was very close to Bulemia Rory.

It made my stomach ache to think about it. (The pulled muscle I mean)

So I have decided I have to relax for a bit and just keep working with the things I know help. Less carbs, stay strong with the vegan diet, concentrate on the best workouts for me but also to keep my mind free and clear from overjudging, listen to what my body needs and not let other people's obsessions feed mine. I know how to do better and I just need to remind myself this is a relay and not a sprint, that it's my journey and only I can live it and be responsible for it.

And that some piece of cheap metal snapping is not my fault. I blame being awesome at fitness then bad at my weight

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Super Bowl Sadness

Super Bowl Sadness

So it has been a week to the day of the Super Bowl. I wasn't  too much into this year's match up--though I was rooting for the Ravens--but once again it was a party though this time it was at Dominic's house. And it wasnt even a party but just a small group of us....


See somehow in the last couple of years a handful of people have turned Sundays into a viewing party at Dominic's place--we roll in wearing sweatshirts and ugg boots with unwashed hair and veggie platters. We yell at the games and discuss politics and arts and gossip and more sports, we all try to not eat the candy constantly laying around the place, take turns cooking for each other and just relaxing through out a long afternoon. It's almost always the same group--Nolan, Shannon, Marti, Kelly and Johnny, Valeska and her boyfriend, Lola and me with Johnno. It's the one day of the week where we just get to chill and catch up--most of us dont get that time the rest of the week between people working nights or living in  Long Beach or being on the wrong of the Hill.

And I'm already missing it.

A lot of the hanging out we do as a group is going out and doing things; parties or bars, group dinners or movies, sometimes all of us but rarely in this combination of people. I enjoy that we get to lay around like broccoli and just be, to be quiet and play on our phones, for the girls to not wear heels or Johnno and I to just detox from a bad week. We have fun just talking and sporting and listening--I have been able to get to know more about these people on these days more than anywhere else sometimes.

But once the Super Bowl happens we all kind of go our own separate ways--back to writing on the weekends or spending days hungover or chores and shopping for the week. It becomes hard for most of us to see each other, takes multiple phone calls and emails to grab a drink or say hello, we'll see each other at crowded parties or late night roommates passing by at the Dollhouse.

It's not the same

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Whatever Is Easier

Whatever Is Easier

My grandfather died right before Christmas. He wasnt my real grandfather--he was my step grandfather--my sister's grandfather. I wasnt related by blood or adoption, he came into my life when I was just about a teenager, but when it comes to that figure in my life--he was the closest one I had. Mr B.--Bobby--wasnt the easiest man to get along with; he was simple and obsessive about the things he loved. Photography, van tours of Nantucket, his million of machines in his basement, his ham radio. He often tried to me and my brother into these things but he was also much older than even my real grandparents and it was often hard to connect to him.

He never understood my passion for teen books, or what it meant when I was wearing my walkman--I couldnt hear him--he didnt care for clothes or games of scrabble. We didnt meet on much common ground and I still to this day wince when I think of the number of times I rolled my eyes at his routine, his insistance that would I would want to know how to use a jigsaw or talk to trucker on CB radio. I wasnt always the nicest kid but he always reached out in his way.

I was--and wasnt--surprised when he passed. But what surprised me was how shook up I was--how I was going to miss his flashlights in restaraunts when he could read the menu, his stories about the great Noreasters on the island or the simple pleasure he took from his growing flowers or his solar pannels he installed by hand himself--well before most people did. He loved science and working with his hands, he tried to capture everything on film and loved to hear stories from people. He was honest and worked hard, proud of what he built and always the first to reach out hand in his own way.

And when he passed I tried to figure out how to get home for the funeral. There were things that they had to do due to the way he passed--he had been in the hospital and treated for a mild issue, released and passed away days later. No one--not even he--knew how sick he was and on his first day out of the hospital he went to the store, did his exercises, ate his daily oatmeal. Routine to then the end. And they werent sure what had happened and they had to do an autopsy to make sure--which made picking a date for the funeral hard to guess.

So my mother said what she always says--you dont have to come home, whatever is easier.

She has said this to me many times; when she had surgey on her knee, for the first Christmas that my sister would remember, when she was dealing with my brother and rehab, when it came to other deaths in the family. And the conversation would always turn to the longistics of me coming home--the cost of a flight, how they would have to come out to the city to get me, what they would do with the dog, the house, the baby if they had to get me. It was always made to feel so complicated for them.

So I never went home.

But this latest time, this passing of Mr B, the mess of feelings and desire to support at least my sister, ran over me like a mack truck. I knew the only cheap flights were Christmas Day, that the weather out there was to be dreadful the whole trip back, I could get stuck somewhere, I would be leaving Johnno alone on the holiday. I called my mother and once again she explains how hard the trip would be, how they didnt know how long I would stay, to do whatever was easier.

So I stopped looking into going home.

I felt awful about the decision but also felt from all my conversations with my mother that this would be inconvient for them, another person in the way around the house, another risky car ride... I was eating myself up--it didnt help that Johnno was talking with his family, having the type of relationship that I was in awe of, and I was becoming more snappish and edgy. And Johnno finally forced me to do the one thing I have never done.

I called my mother out on "whatever is easier"

He made me realize that the phrase obviously had an effect on me, obviously was doing something to me--if not in so many words. It forced me to call my mother and explain to her how much she hurt me when she used that phrase, that it made me feel like a bother, an inconvience when those issues came up and like I wasnt wanted there. That I felt I was being judge at the same time for not being there, that people out there thought I didnt care or couldnt be bothered. I explained that my decisions on these things were dictated by her imply how much of a burden it would be.

She was taken aback.

She finally explained that she had spent so much time saying those things because it would make things easier for me not to come. That I had spent so many years out here missing things--a process that had began simply because I couldnt afford the money or time off--which is not the case anymore. She finally heard me when I said that her dismissiveness, her instant excuses just made me feel like a burdern instead of a blessing and that i was tired of feeling that way.

It was a good talk.

By the end I think we came to a new understanding--that we saw where the other was coming from, that we would be less about protecting the other person and more about saying what we need. That maybe it was possible for both of us to drop the martyr act and say what we wanted from each other. It was a huge step forward for both of us.

And I think Mr B would have loved that--for all the quirkness and miscommunication he was all about family, spending time together, making memories and taking pictures. He would like the honesty in the communication, the directness, the focus on the words and not innuendo. Maybe that is the most fitting tribute of all?

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Office decor

I told you I'd be serving Valentine's Day realness... Though the picture is a bit dark--so consider it romantic. I'm just here to make people happy

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

I guess....

I work out too much... I literally worked the elliptical so hard it broke the metal & fell apart.... Like split through the metal entirely... I guess 4 weeks in a row--6 days a week at least was too much

Monday, February 04, 2013

Current Obsession

I've been slowly rereading books for the wedding & have rediscovered my passion for this classic. Somehow I'd forgotten how crisp & clean this story is

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Trash Collection

Trash Collection?

Am I allowed to say that I am an art collector if I allowed myself to buy this print? And does it raise the value if I have it custom framed before hanging? I just want this so badly--like dying for it. Lucy brought it to my attention and now I cannot live without. It's super cheap but fills my personal definition of priceless.

Just feast your eyes on this and tell me I'm wrong to love it....

Sunday, January 27, 2013


Sometimes I am just so pleased with myself... Serving brunch realness

Saturday, January 26, 2013



"Then Again, Maybe I Won't"
by Judy Blume (5 stars)

I know I keep gushing about Judy Blume but once again she proves to be one of the best young adult novelists ever. I loved that this story--told from the POV of the male lead Tony--is just a strong a reflection of the juinior high years as "Are There God---It's Me Margaret."

The story is a simple one--a poor Italian kid's family becomes successful and moves from Jersey City to a toney neighborhood and exactly how this changes the entire mores of the each person. It's about being the new kid in school, figuring out puberty and esuxal urges, about class struggle and even about "the whiting" one's racial background.

I really did care for Tony and understand his concerns and confusions as his family adjusted to their new wealth and surroundings in ways that seemed to go against their nature. I loved the character of his homesick grandmother--unable to cook since it would seem unseemly, the perky and annoying Corky who just wants Tony to like her, the high end Hoober family who cause all the concerns and joy in the story.

A near perfect book and one I would read again.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Collector

The Collector

I've suddenly become into buying art.

That sounds so pretenious.

I have recently come into the idea of buying random paintings and photographs I see and eventually framing them on the wall. And Johnno has had a say thus far so it is both of us buying the pieces.

Kind of.

It's funny cause it never really occured to me to want to do that--the idea of owning works that I liked in an original form seemed so out of reach and bougie. It wasnt until I watched Edie as she began to collect her own works and Joy found her own works that came from her family which inspired me to try own my own.

Exploring places like Esty and Apartment Therapy have given me a playground to explore and discover new artists and refine my tastes... I have discovered I like colors and mixing of media, pictures and words interwined with images of nature or irony. It's been fun to add them to our registry as we work toward our wedding--its not about resale value but finding unique things that we want to carry forward. And while it has only been two pictures thus far--I cannot wait to continue to add to the collection.

Barbie Battle Realness

Bully for the Boys

I'm not saying it is high art but something fun and unique--it may not always be campy or gay friendly and develop into something more serious but I cannot wait to see where it all goes. The fun part will be adding and blending our tastes and ideas into something uniquely us.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Unsung Favorite

Unsung Favorite

So I am kind of obsessed with Solange. I know that everyone has a certain fondess for her sister Beyonce but I think that as an actual artist Solange is so much better when it comes to her songs, her sound and her willingness to explore different styles. I honestly believe that "Sol-Angle and the Haldey St. Dreams" is probably one of the best albums of the past decade and in the same league as Lauryn Hill.

But I digress.

Truth is I have been revisiting her music and have become re-obsessed with one of her songs. With all the stress currently from my job I have turned to music more and more to shake off the day and this is usually part of the same playlist as Curtis Mayfield, Robyn, Janelle Monet, Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu ect... It just makes me happy


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Pages of My Fantasy

The Pages of My Fantasy

I live for private libraries-the texture of the written page, the colored hardbacks, the smell of ink. There is something about having so many words at one's fingertips in your space that I just cant help but love... Add to that my love of interior design and the vastness of the internet--welome to library porn

I mean these pictures are just so lush and overwhelming and the only reason I would even want a house to do my own verison of these... And a place for all my damn books

Only So Many

There are only so many times you can go to your job and feel like you are constantly failing before you have to go to the bathroom to keep from crying. I love what I do and I'd like to believe I'm good at it but when everything feels designed to fail it is so hard to stay on point. I work from home, I've stayed late, I do all I am asked and its still not enough.... I just can't win and I'm tired of feeling like I'm losing.

I hate this feeling

Monday, January 21, 2013

Stalk Me

Stalk me through social media... Besides Facebook I also have a fashion tumblr called "Fashion Makes Me A Whore" as well as an account on Pinterest for people to follow as well.

It's all so riveting!


Saturday, January 19, 2013


Just when you think you're an adult you suddenly see the Man Crush collage you have on the closet door in your apartment. What makes it worse is its in the living room and still growing even though you're in your 30s.



"Something like Summer"
By Jay Bell (3 stars)

I really wanted to love this book but I just couldn't do it. I didnt care for either Ben or Tim after a certain point because they became such awful people to each other in ways that didnt make sense. And that was a recurring issue in the book--these characters doing things that dont add up. Ben just joyriding in Tim's car without even a thought, Tim suddenly wanting to have gay sex, just the dynamic between the two of them never made sense or was rootable.

What sad is when the flash forward happens I started to care for some of these characters and wanted to know what happened to them in this life beyond high school. Allison--the best friend--herself was one of the best new characters I've read in awhile and she does make the others sympathetic at points. But whatever movement the story gained in the middle was lost by the cop out ending that felt shonehorned in--it was obvious that the author had a mission and wasnt listening to his characters anymore. It made me sad and felt cheapened.

The book is really getting 3 stars for Allison and the middle years--that does hold up well and makes me wish for better books from this author in the future.

PS And I do know that there is a second book that is "Tim's side" but honestly the characters left such a bad taste I dont really care to know it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Project Ror-rayyyy

So I have been trying to get more into my office life. Not because I want to work more or am worried about my career but because I have realized how much time I spend here. And I want to make it pleasent and friendlly and with people I enjoy in a comfortable setting. Which is all just a reason for me to do this:

It's pretty-brightens up the office--reminds everyone what the next big day is... and I have been trying to get more into arts and crafts type stuff recently to just be doing something different for a change.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Field of Frost

I know it is silly to bitch about the cold in LA but when the buildings feel like they are made paper mâché it's hard not to have your teeth chatter.

I've take to layering sweaters & wear suede pants to work..... Thank god I over shop.

Frost people--frost

Monday, January 14, 2013

Praise Jesbus

Thank you h&m for giving the gift of Becks... Just thank you ever so much

Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Artist's Way

The Artists Way

It started with a small conversation--I had been doing some wedding planning work over the break and Johnno noticed that I had spent some time sketching out possible looks for the wedding center pieces. I had made the drawing to just try and plan out what we would need more of down the road--it was quick and sloppy but just there.

Johnno told me his wished I drew more often cause he liked what I did. It was an innocent comment but made me start thinking about how I have not been creative in a simple way like that in a long time and that maybe I needed to get back to it. When I was younger I always thought I would be an artist of some sort and would sketch away while living somewhere exotic like NYC or Paris--but I never felt I had the touch I needed to make something more of it. And then I discovered writing.

All bets were off

But nowadays I feel like the more I try and focus too much on certain things the better it would be for me to diversify my interests. It's not about being great at everything I do or making it perfection but about allowing myself to spread out and try new things to add to my own process. That and I still think I would make a great artist for the front of Vogue patterns


Saturday, January 12, 2013



"Good In Bed"
By Jennifer Weiner (4 stars)

I was really hesitant to read this the book cause it seemed to be part of chick lit subgenre that I usually cannot abide. It was given to me by a friend as part of a recycling program and she really pushed me to give the book a shot.

I'm glad I did.

I really did come to love Cannie and her crazy, disfunctional, madcap world because she was the opposite of most "chick lit" characters between her looks, her emotions, and her wit about herself and others. And though the story did follow a lot of the same traps that chick lit faces with obvious plotting and romance storylines--I found myself falling in love with all the characters on some level.

Plus it helped that there was a couple of messed up, out of the blue, solid twists in the story that kept me reading much quicker than I would have guessed I would. I just really enjoyed this book and cannot wait to read more from Jennifer Weiner

Thursday, January 10, 2013


This idea is totally on the short list for my next place to live--cause I would love to have this as it's own little area for me to releax and hide away.

It is the most amazing thing I have seen design-wise in months and I'm kind of obsesssed with it right now!!!!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Whatever It Takes

Whatever It Takes

This past year I decided to change tactics on quitting smoking--the patch was too easy to discard when it was convenient or overly emotional so I had to start looking at other options. I have never been the person who could easily do cold turkey--I just don’t have the will power so I had to look elsewhere.

And this is where it gets tacky--cause I went electronic.

(This is not an endorsement of the company but what I have been using)

I got the idea to go the electric cigarette route after that infamous episode of Real Housewives of OC (or which) that had the real-life Allison Dubois chain-smoking on one throughout dinner. I had come to the realization on my own that I missed the actually physical act of smoking more than anything else; it was either the deep breathing for smoking, the ability to excuse myself from situations to not be rude or just the going outdoors that usually helped calm me down. So I figured if I could find the right product to keep the oral fixation going with junk food or nail biting-I could be in business.

And they look like cigarettes. And produce real smoke. But don't taste or smell like them at all.

(see? the tips do)

But instead of buying into the claims that smokeless tobacco in these cigarettes was healthy or okay--I decided to go the nicotine free route which is basically like a flavored hookah but without smoke, ash and other gross stuff. It seems to be working as a replacement to the real thing and when paired with nicotine patches it has been a huge help.

I'm not saying I have been perfect during the process but it has made the transition much easier to weed myself off of smoking. There are been days when I barely use the thing but it is there when I truly need it which is a godsend. And now with my last smoking friend Joy committed to quitting herself--this could be the year I really beat this one!

And the best part is my smoking co-workers noticed a difference and asked all about what I had been using--it is helping to show other people they can quit too. I'm not pushing product here but it has been a huge help.

Note to Self

When you don't remember to grab a nicotine patch when leaving for work you will eat all your days calories & some by 1:30... This is not how to get wedding thin... Two hours on the elliptical it is then...



I have no idea why but I am currently obessesed with this song

It's Dionne Warrick, it's early 80s and I have NEVER heard it until Johnno gave me a couple of the Easy 80s from Time Life. It's freaking me out how much I am digging this--I spent ten minutes the other day humming it without a second thought.

Maybe I am just going crazy.

Monday, January 07, 2013

Favorite Thing in the World

A freshly made bed with new sheets...

Thanks Elsa the maid

The dollhouse

Tick Tick Boom

So my mother trapped me last night in a phone call... We've been talking more lately due to family issues and my own resolution to make more of an effort. But even still there are times when I wish I could shake her like I do my phone...

Cause she had to ask about babies.

Now I should have expected this as a natural off shoot of any wedding conversation. It's something she's always hinted about wanting to know & for the most part I haven't had an answer because I've just been pushing it out of my head.

But with Kelly and Johnny trying for a baby and all the social shifting because of that has been a recent topic with lots of people and for some reason it became one with us.

Now the thing is I would have no problem being a parent--I adore kids, nannied them, taught them and enjoy their presence. But for me and Johnno it would be an expensive legal process which would probably make me have to give up my freelance career or have Johnno be the primary parent.

I couldn't do that to any of them.

This used to make me feel selfish--that money & my career would be a reason to forego kids... It feels like I'm making it all about me when the truth is the opposite.

I think it would be more selfish to have kids when I can't give everything they would need. This isn't even taking into account how hard it would be for us to get to have a child to raise.

Maybe it would be different if we could just get pregnant by accident but that is not going to happen. Which my mother gets but I think she was expecting some kind of baby clock to go off with me.

It won't happen without a huge income different that only the lotto could provide. And even then I'm not sure. My only worry is who would be the Dorothy to my Sophia but I suspect I will have more than enough Rose & Blanches to get through it.

So no boom goes the dynamite

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Snap of the Day

I just love koi fish--they are so pretty


Valeska is in vacation in Florida and simply sends me this photo cause she thought I'd like it...


Seriously pricing it out in my head.

Saturday, January 05, 2013



"The Hundred Secret Sense"
by Amy Tan (3 stars)

While Amy Tan again proves that she is an amzing voice in the Asian experience I really just couldn't get into this book nearly enough. I think because from the begining you know where the plot is going to go and how it will all play out and that detracts from the overall story quite a bit.

But I do really enjoy the Olivia character--her perspective on herself, her marriage and her relationship with her sister is pretty spot on from my own epxerience... I wish I understood better why she loved Simon as much as she did and that Kwan was at least allowed to be angry and call Olivia out on things instead of just taking things. But that is not how the world works in the Amy Tan experience and I think the demurness of the female characters is what gets to me.

But the prose is pretty and full and lush which I always love.

Note To Self

You obviously need to wear headbands more off cause you know how to rock them... Seriously it just looks awesome.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Golden Gay

Sometimes you feel like Sophia Petrillo....



So this was the Christmas haul this year--primarily from the boyancee... It's more than it looks like with some jewelry, some more books and a couple of missing gifts represented by pictures in the mix. It's not that I'm bragging but it made me a bit uncomfortable

And it is a little bit bragging.

This year was the first year that Johnno had a well paying job, a job he wanted and so he went overboard with the holiday. Part of it was us working on doing gift lists to make things easier, part of it was how vocal I had been about not buying myself things for the wedding but I think the biggest part was that he was finally able to spoil me for all the times he felt I spoiled him.

It made me uncomfortable to not have as much for him as he got for me.

And I know this is being petty and silly--that I should just be grateful but when a person is really good to me I don't really know how to handle it. I think I do, I think it doesn't bother me, but it does make me the center of attention and getting my needs met which I am not used to. And I have to get used to letting Johnno because that is what marriage is going to be about--not the gifts but letting him treat me well and me not getting all weird about it.

And the presents will help.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Fashion Bitch

For some reason I am dying for this shirt... It's like part of me wants to join a 70s tribute band for Liberace or something. I think this retro vintage thing I love might be going way to far

It's So Cold

Winter has finally hit Los Angeles in full force which has led to me dressing for work like Macy Gray/Grace Jones love child..... I'm one poncho away from a Stevie Nicks video

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

A Sexy Start

Anderson Cooper is giving me the motivation I need to lose weight for the wedding... I just want to have my own sexy shower cap moment soon. Edie is totally jealous.

To New Beginings

Here's To Getting Things Started Off Right

I figure everyone should start the New Year with a dance party!!! At least this one is pretty much a full on hits list and not something lame yanked together by Spotify or something... ENJOY!!!