Saturday, March 09, 2013

Worst Week Ever

Worst Week Ever

It has taken me a full week to recover but I recently had the worst week ever. Like beyond anything I have gone through in a long time but I solidered on and was able to function beyond it. That said--I'm not looking to relive it in full detail so here are the highlights.

1) My brother is in jail. Now I have known for awhile now that my brother is a heroin addict. It is a gut-wretching situation to be in--part of what I have learned on my show is how hard a drug that is to kick, how overdose is as common as recovery and that they will do anything for the habit. So when my mother called me about him being in jail I knew the worse case scenario but had to hold my tongue.

Instead I used my job to research what he had been arrested for--breaking into houses, stolen credit cards and cash, the common thug crimes addicts committ. He is probably facing some serious jail time, my mother has been falling apart and blaming herself and I am angry at how he has behaved towards us but sad that he has gone this far. And being so removed from it all due to location hasnt helped--all I can do is be honest with my mom to help her make decisions but it is still a heavy burden.

2) Johnno lost his job. Now here's the thing--Johnno's company has always had a high turnover rate which I knew since Kelly was his boss and hired him. I warned him for months to be careful, put his face out there with the bigwigs in a hope it would keep him safe.

Didnt happen.

And when he was let go--my heart broke not only for Johnno but for both of us. So much of the last two and a half years has been about budgeting for the wedding. Our parents have been able to help much--though his parents recently did make a big donation--so we have been very careful about how and where we send our money. I havent bought a fashion piece in almost a year. Crazy town.

So when this went down I wasnt nearly upset about losing Johnno losing his job as I was about the reality of how it was changing the wedding. We were always cutting it cloed myse when it came to the budget and this just shifted everything--open bars, cake options, what room we would have for our wedding night. And so I did what I do best--I took it hard and deep, spent some time crying and almost called the wedding off. I'm not proud of it but I need to process and wallow until I could let go of my fears and anger.

It sucked.

3) Craig's medical incident. My boss Craig is one of the healthist and outdoorsy people I know so imagine to my surprise when the next day (Tues) Jenna and I found him half asleep in his office. We both thought it was because he had been away for a long weekend and was probably just tired.

We were wrong.

After what sounded like a loud snoring fit--Craig began screaming at the top of his lungs. I really wish I could find the words to describe how terrible and loud the sound was--but now I know what it really would sound like to murder someone. (Ironic since I work on a prison show). So I rushed into his office and found him eyes wide open, clutching his chair and just screaming. Jenna and I were the only two in that early--she didnt know what to do and I could tell he was having some type of night terror while asleep. His eyes didnt focus on either one of us in the office.

So while I had her call 911--which doesnt dial out of our office--surprise. I tried my best to wake Craig up without touching him since that could make things worse. He then snapped out of it but still didnt seem to know I was there. He instead tried--failingly-to walk out of his office towards me but i had to catch him to prevent the fall. Eventually I managed to get him to see me and talk to me haltingly but it was scary.

We finally got him into an ambulence after a struggle and while he turned out to be fine--it was stressful. I dont know how I kept such a clear head but I did and even managed to keep Jenna calm on top of that.

4) Facebook drama aka Rory's Creek. So within a few days my friends in the office were aware about the entire wedding/no wedding, Johnno losing his job and how much it was effecting me. My co-worker Jenna and I have been close for over a year-but she is 22 and this is her 2nd adult job in her life and sometimes that comes out in weird ways. So when she posted a supportive but snarky thing on my wall--I was worried that both Johnno and Kelly would think it was attacking them in light of them working together.

So I removed it.

This set off a scene out of a telenovella. Jenna was beyond hurt that I removed it, didnt want to let me explain and when I tried to make it up to her with a joking post about the Craig medical incident--she wasnt having it. So I did what I do best--I backed off to let her cool down so I could talk with her later about it. Turns out this was the worst move I could have made.

The next morning she didnt speak to me at all--awkward since we are in the same space and I am her boss and thought I was her friend. I stilll kept my distance to let her set the pace of whatever was going on--bigger mistake could not have been made. Afterward a whole day of awkwardness she finished out the situation by sending me one of the worst emails I have ever recieved--she wanted to cut the friendship, never talk to me again and only wanted us to email from then on. Unfortunately that wouldnt work in our office and I also wanted a chance to explain the situation.

When she finally let me have that conversation she just ripped me to streads in a way I never saw coming. What really hurt was not only was she overreacting she wasnt letting me explains--she just stood there expressionless as I tried to explain myself then when I finished--she just shook her head and walked away. This after I had fought for her job several times over, been there for her through some deep personal shit and I considered her my protege and a friend. And while I didnt cry--I really wanted to.

Summary) And so I spent that week on an emotional rollercoaster beyond anything I have felt in a while. And I have since shook off parts of it, made some strong decisions regarding what I can and can't do and put it behind me. It was rough but also reminded me I am strong and capable and not a bad person.

Sometimes something good can come out of something bad.

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