Thursday, October 09, 2014

Today's Jam

Say Say Say by Michael Jackson and Paul McCarthy

So I have been able to write recently--trying to wrap up a season of my show as we're filming a new one AKA hell on earth... And the working out, non-smoking and general life have been making me more tired than usual... But things are perking up--trips to be had, shows to be locked and a general positive vibe about life...

And when I'm finishing up notes on a season I can rock out at my desk... And until I do that I always forget I have the weirdest itunes collection ever--which leads to happy discoveries like this!

What a classic--I miss videos

Monday, September 29, 2014

Inspiration Monday

Phil Donahue

So growing up in the 80s with divorced parents--I spent a lot of time with the TV... It's where I came to love soap operas (RIP Santa Barbara), informericals and "Inside Addition" AKA Bill O'Reilly's trash TV show before his even worst TV show airing now.

But the other thing I watched a lot of was talk shows--Ricki Lake, early Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Jessie Raphael--shows about extreme subjects and celebrity self-promotion. It is where I first saw Joan Collins and feel in love, where I saw families crazier than my own and how my weight struggle wasn't just something I was fighting. And while it wasn't always the best way to learn things--it was an unsentimental education of sorts.

And then there was Donahue--Phil Donahue is the father of the daytime talker in it's purest form. He would debate the issues of the day--whether it was child abuse in the Catholic church, opposing the first Gulf War or the basic issues that came between liberals and conservatives. He had many famous guests on his show--Ralph Nader was a constant guest, Ayn Rand shared her life philosophy as well as various actors, novelists and singers from all over the spectrum. The show was considered the first national platform for hip hop for the majority of mainstream America.

It's hard to pin down one place where Donahue took us to that wasn't something to discuss--whether it was Marilyn Mason in the 90s talking about goth rock, meeting Ryan White and learning about his struggle as a child who contracted AIDS in a era of ignorance, from political figures such as Louis Farrakhan to Bill Clinton, to racism and Holocaust deniers. His show was heartfelt in it's need to understand the world, to share and education through bringing people together. I honestly believe I learned more about the world, different points of view and the importance of interpersonal communication through his show than anywhere else. It's a shame that is show went off the air before his time and he is someone who is missed in this world of tabloid journalism.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Thursday Truths

Smoke Gets Out of Your Eyes

As of today it has been two weeks since I started the long process of quitting smoking--I know I have tried this before but this time I decided that I needed more help than a patch and half-assed motivation. Since I finally had health insurance, I decided to go the prescription route which scared me at first because of all the possible side effects--and I'm not going to say it has been easy.

It Was This Or Committing Murder At My Office

When they tell you a drug can mess with your emotions-make you more aggressive, sad, or just plain off--they are not screwing around. I spent the first few days on my medication feeling crazy, but still knowing I wasn't crazy, which is the only thing that kept me from going crazy. I guessed that as long as I knew it was the drugs then the over-the-top, melodramatic emotions, and overly pronounced sighs were fine. And for the most part people couldn't even tell the difference even as I kept reminding myself that this wasn't really me but the drugs talking inside of my brain.

It's All An Illusion--So I Got This

Once I got my mood swings in check--seriously is this what PMS is like?--I started to spend a portion of my time meditating and repeating my mantra of "I am a non-smoker, I am a non-smoker". I'm not sure if it is working though I have kind of forgotten about cigarettes which is a good thing because that has always been the hardest thing. But I'm not going to say it has been easy, part of this all revolves around self examination--which I have never really struggled with--but also with self esteem and self worth which are really my worst problem areas but I seem to be doing well--so far.

And I have--because I am sadistic--been spending time exposing myself to my social and emotion triggers when it comes to smoking. I still talk with my co-workers Kenny and Jenna if they are outside smoking post coffee, I have been watching early seasons of "Sex And The City" with all the "Carrie smokes" as well as heading to places where I always smoked like bar patios and parking lots. I hoping that by doing all of this I can train myself to associate these people, places and things with other ideas and thoughts other than cigarettes. It seems the key with successful  quitting is rebranding yourself, reshuffling your brain and reorganizing your actions--all things I feel like I can do with time and a full court press,

I mean if Carrie Bradshaw can quit then so can I--cause that bitch was crazy 

I think--besides you know, quitting--the best thing I can do in this situation is to try and learn some patience, work on how I handle stress and social anxiety, and perhaps put away my need for an escape crutch. I also have to learn to say I'm sorry to the people who are being effected by this change--my moods are sharper and sometimes more cutting which I am not proud of. But if I can do this then it will be something to be truly proud of--a commitment to not only my self but all of those who love me and want to keep me around. I have to realize that is more important than anything else--which is the hardest lesson of all.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Fashion files

Bougie Doesn't Begin to Describe This

Unless you live under a rock you probably know the new Iphone 6 and IPhone 6 Plus came out this week; I'm not usually too hot on these tech announcements because I barely even use Siri much less every new idea they add to the mix... But for some people this is a huge life changing thing and thus we are gifted with this:

iPhone 6, 6 Plus in your pocket from AppleInsider on Vimeo.

The entire video is just a guy explaining and demonstrating how the new phones fit in each type of pocket compared to not only the 6 and 6 Plus but also the Iphone 5. It's almost too compelling to watch as he goes through the various cuts of pants, jackets and suits to explain the important of the fit--I'm only disappointed that he forgot to do shorts, joggers and harem pants

This is what they mean by first world problems.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Fashion Files: Home Addition

Stir Crazy

I can tell the exact moment I have been too housebound... I start looking through my house for various odds and ends to try and redo the Clubhouse decor... I suddenly go through all the pictures I steal off the web, various piles of my random housewares and debate a total redo... It can be fun and stuff but can also head down the "he is crazy" vibe really quickly. But it is all so pretty...

I mean--the bed room isn't really finished yet and I have never done a ceiling treatment. I mean--it can't be that hard really--the worst thing would to have them land on our sleeping heads,

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

One of My Favorite Things

Pantone Color Day

I know it seems stupid and silly and against my free-natured spirit but I always love Pantone Color Day... What it is is simple--this company announces the "hot" colors for the next season; you'll see these colors in home decor, clothing and makeup rolling into stores through the next year.

Usually I can guess where they are going color-wise ahead of the game--it's only when there is an unexpected shift in fashion like the "normcore" trend that the game gets changed. 

So here is this years colors

I am a huge fan of all three shades even though they are a bit too cool for my taste--I tend more bright blues, oranges and metallics. But they are weirdly early 90s GAP or Calvin Klein which is a happy memory for me so I can go along with it. And honestly I love when pink goes mainstream.

Now off to find pieces in these colors at the thrift and discount stores ahead of the new season!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Moment of Zen

Honestly I just Love These Shoes

They are unrealistic, probably a bit too flashy and yet I think they are just stunning. And they probably would be until the first time I tripped and scuffed them. Then they would look like rejects from a cheap North Hollywood production of the Wiz--which I would be honored to be a part of in all honesty.

But seriously my life is more this:

Though it feels like this:

Though maybe the shoes would change all that? Hmm...