Thursday, August 27, 2015

A little more inspiration

A little more inspiration 

So last week was my birthday… And it was a type birthday that I didn't really know what I should or wanted to do –some are more confusing than others even if they're not big ones

 Instead though I realized that what I needed to do was not a party or shopping or even talk but to spend the day writing. I think I had to show myself that I could do it again… Because these last five years became about my job at the TV show and it didn't allow me to do… And the idea of security trumped the thing that I want to do

 And most of us – – my friends-- are reaching the point where we have to start accepting who we are, what we're willing to work for and what we already... And it's a really hard thing: sometimes things don't add up the way you wanted and you have to kind of make peace with that or do the challenge the work to be the person you want to be....

So spending the better part of my day just me alone with my computer and my thoughts and whatever version of a muse I have... It Put certain things definitely in perspective

 And I still managed to have fondue and escargot with my husband for the birthday too

Monday, August 24, 2015

Monday Inspiration: World View

Monday Inspiration: World View

This is one of my favorite speeches ever from TV--from the CBS soap "Knots Landing" and something that really encompasses my world view.... I'm not sure if this came from having hippy-ish parents or just a lot of "Sweet Valley High" reading but...I do belive this

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The weirdness of human emotion

So it's begun… I've been having odd dreams in the last few days – – mostly  involving children or pets and being responsible for things and freaking out about it… Which is obviously my minds way of trying to handle the fact that I am not working…

And I can't figure out why I'm giving myself such a hard time about this – – I haven't even collected by first unemployment check, I have plenty of savings, and honestly it's the first time I've been out of work and almost 5 years… I shouldn't be feeling this weird already… Maybe I need to take a day and go to the museum which the beach or just stare at trees in the park....

But I don't need to feed into this idea of inadequacy that my brain is seeming to force on me at this point in time... It's really not the end of the world – – my husband's making good money for civil month or two so I have time

Honestly I'm just need to get back on board with  my creative side which will trump my neurotic side hopefully...that is how it works with artists right? 

Monday, August 10, 2015



So I don't know how to feel about this film--on one hand it has a famous gay director but on the other is how historically inaccurate it feels by the white-washing with the casting. And it doesn't help that the lead is a pretty white male when Stonewall was known to be used by minorities and trans genders and somehow we are seeing the gay male version of Jamie Gertz from Twister--an annoying character to make the entire story more "accessible". I just wish it felt more accurate than this.

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise  Trilogy by Francine Pascal

RECAP: So the first trilogy AKA the Love Trilogy we met Caitlin Ryan--rich, beautiful, spoiled who basically is willing to do anything to get the love of her life Jed... In the three books she schemes, accidentally cripples a boy, drives a girl to an eating disorder, gets and loses her man before being trapped in a mining shaft (!!!) and almost dying. And this all takes places in Virginian horse country, her family owns one of the richest mining companies in the USA, but she is a lonely orphan with a bossy rich nana who she hides from at an elite private school.

Lots of horse riding, bad 80s fashion description but a prequel almost to 'Gossip Girl'.

It's a great read because Caitlin was so unique--even when she is trying to be good she is underhanded. She uses her drama club skills to make herself plain and talk a girl out of an eating disorder coma (!!!)... She plays everyone off of each other in horrible ways to make a crippled boy learn to walk again... She is awful and amusing

Just stop reading there.

Now the second trilogy--The Promise Trilogy--is the type of series that seems published by people who got a lot of "network notes and focus groups" because everything is changed about the characters and the world. Caitlin is suddenly nice and kind of stupid--she loses her uncanny sense of people and social situations because she cant phantom why people would be mean or lie. In the original trilogy, first book, first chapter, Caitlin could tell someone was lying if they turned away from her mid sentence but here she is an idiot

It's like going from reading about Scarlett and her POV to Melanie...

But the other thing is they drop everything from the first series--secondary characters including her best friend, the detailed horse riding world she lives in and even her relationship with her family is downplayed. It was like they knew the first series did well but didn't understand why...

So the first book in the new trilogy is all about the summer between high school graduation and college. Caitlin spends part of her summer running a charity for the poor children of the Appalachian Mountain due to her grandmother's mining company before heading off to Montana to spend the end of the summer with her boyfriend Jed's family. There's little hints here or there to previous events and characters but never specific enough to understand.

Now this book does have to do a lot of lifting--Caitlin and Jed have pretty serious life goals in the first series that have to be undone. We left them about to head off to Radcliffe College to study business (for Caitlin) and law (for Jed) but since the characters are now answering to outside publishers' notes this must be changed.

So they quickly change the college mentions to something made-up, Caitlin now is going for an unnamed degree of sorts and Jed is very concerned about not being as successful as Caitlin's family. She has gone from running the show to having to be reassuring and supportive of his dreams. And when she goes to visit his family--this is where the new Caitlin really shows up

Cause Jed has an ex girlfriend named Eve and his sister Melanie is her best friend--from the moment Caitlin disembarks (their words--not mine) from the private plane these two are scheming. They play all sorts of tricks on her and it doesn't even OCCUR to Caitlin that this is happening but instead is all bad luck.  And while this happens there is a subplot about two con artists trying to hustle her grandmother and father back home and Caitlin has proof about this from the first meeting and doesn't understand what it means!!!

Eventually Caitlin wises up about Eve and Melanie by the end of the book, she and Jed mend fences and she returns home to go to college. But not before Jed realizes his father is getting too old to run their expansive ranch and he has to defer college to stay there which is sad but pro family.

Pretty much a stand alone book which is an odd way to start a trilogy.

But book two opens up and we finally get to the overarching plot of the trilogy--Caitlin arrives to college and ends up with enemies and a stalker out for revenge. It's so disconnected from the first book that you have to wonder what was going on with the author of this series. Basically Caitlin met some poor people as a child, wasn't nice and now at college has ran into one of them who decides he will make her fall in love with him, take her virginity and then denounce her as a rich whore.

That's the plot.

And if that wasn't anti-women enough, every girl Caitlin interacts with hates her and either willingly or accidentally helps this guy with his plot. It's kind of ugly and they make Caitlin stupider to facilitate it--because Jed isn't with her in college Caitlin spends her days and nights waiting for him to call or write but once people start sabotaging her mail and messages she becomes to depressed to eat or go to class. And this plot is over two books before they figure anything out--it just makes Caitlin and Jed both so foolish and awful that you have to wonder why you care.

And by stripping all the unique details; the world of thoroughbred horses, the blue blood lifestyle as well as the great supporting characters you suddenly have an "any book, anywhere, any character" which kills most of the magic.

But things to get happier by the end of the trilogy--Caitlin and Jed figure out  the various plots, the bad people grow a heart or disappear and college is back on track for them. It's tidy but very 80s which is unfortunate because while I like Sweet Valley High--Caitlin was more evolved than those stand alone books.

However--what happens in the third trilogy is more odd and interesting.... Careers and weddings and babies and cocaine and another cripple are on the way!

Thursday, August 06, 2015

Thursday musings

One of the things I always loved about John Hughes film suppose that is secondary characters more often than not work just as smart and interesting as the leads… And Iona and is one of the best characters up until the end of "Pretty in Pink".... Then boo...

Her philosophy in this scene is something that I didn't get at the time but today I try to understand and live myself... I feel like that some manny of Hughes films have these little lessons buried in them. And then you have to do the hard work to apply them...

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Rory By Nature or OCD

So this past weekend was the annual trip to hang out in a cabin by a river in Minnesota... My friend Jeremy has thrown this weekend event for 13 years and myself and Johnno started going after Jeremy's sister Edie invited us…

This is the first year I went since I quit smoking.

So while I know a lot of people at the event from the last few years it's always hard for me to get a grasp on the social situation the first few days… My one trade off from quitting smoking was that I discovered I have pretty serious social anxiety combined with OCD which can be a bit much when dealing with people...

And I know that at times this causes people to think I am aloof and more bitchy than I am which sucks because I want to be better but I don't know how to do that... Even with the LA people who go like Johnno and Lola and Dominic and Bella and Valeska I still suffer abit and people think I don't want to fit in.

But I also don't know how much of my anxiety comes from a mental place or how much of it comes from how I grew up as a gay kid and learning to deal with straight guys in particular... I came to believe they couldnt usually be very trusted and to be especially on guard if they were sporty or jockish or super butch--that's how you end up tied to a fence post.

And while I definitely have a lot of straight male friends nowadays when I meet someone new I still have to wait and feel them out before I can really talk to them... I used to think smoking gave me a reason to leave without being too much of a douche bag so now...

I don't know how to manage this.

And what sucks is I don't want people to think I'm not having a good time or that I don't want to be there for any of those things because the event is one of the few that actually makes me really happy. It gives me some good headspace away from all the Los Angeles shit and feels like family.

Something I don't have a ton of.

So now I'm at a loss--do I go on meds? therapy? Join a fight club? I just don't know