Friday, August 29, 2008

Is It A 1000 Right Ones or a Rory Nitpick

So recently I have had a bunch of action on my various personal ads—part of me thinks it may have something to do with my new juju or maybe it just that time of year when people start to settled own or something. I’m not sure what gives.

But then as I started to think about it I realized that it might have something more to do with some new pictures I had posted in the last few days. Ever since Kirby gave me an old camera of her I have played with various type of picture of myself and various things to see what I come up with. And the idea that it could be just because of one new photo freaked me out.

See one of things I hate most in the world are what I call ‘myspace’ photos—photos that use a combination of angles and lighting as well as cropping to create an image that has no basis in reality. We all know someone who has these type of photos—you see them on facebook, on myspace, on personal ads—where you can just look and think ‘who the hell is that because it looks nothing like my friend’. Suddenly everyone is thinner and mysterious and no double chins or unsightly poses. Everyone is perfect—perfectly faked.

It just creates an unrealistic expectation when it comes to people. Not just when you are meeting someone who has those types of photos but a general misconception of all people because you just start to expect that everyone is hot and perfect and all angles which is not true and I don’t want to be apart of that kind of weird falseness. But why are guys suddenly all over me—I haven’t changed that much but maybe I have mastered the myspace magic pose unawares.

Which now means I am paranoid and weirded out and unsure of myself, which is not as odd and out of place as it sounds. I just hope I am not one of those people using the wrong 1000 words with my picture.
Juju Up The Joint

Juju Up The Joint

From Urban Dictionary
Gypsy word for luck. More commonly used as "bad juju"

I have become obsessed lately with the idea of juju. Not just the general idea but my own juju in particular—or to be more accurate—my relationship juju. There's been no real reason for any concern except that there's been no real reason for anything. I mean—nothing is happening at all. And this isn't about romantic relationships or friendships or work relationships—I mean there is nothing happening with me at all. Nothing.

All I do as of late is either work, work out, sleep, or sleep in. Repeat that about 6 times a week and there's my life in a nutshell. Not that there's anything really wrong with that—I've been losing weight and I love my job and I get to catch up on my sleep which I never do but it makes it hard to feel like life is going anywhere. So I started to internalize things a bit and wondering what kind of changes I could make to try and jumpstart either my social life or my creativity or just something different—I quickly realized how limited I was by my current job. I love working on 'Big Brother' but I hate the weird scheduling with odd days off and the rotating shifts which makes it hard to have a set schedule for the rest of my life.

So I started looking for various articles on-line for 'how to change your life'. There were articles on changing your hair—which I have since the weddings this spring/summer—going from dark brown with bangs and back towards my natural color in something nice and short for summer. Then there the articles about taking up exercise which I have been doing for about 8 months between running and light weights and kickboxing so that article wasn't really much help. Then there were all the articles about changing your look—but those I ignored because I am already stylish and change my look on a fairly regular basis so I was pretty set.

Then I came across a bunch of articles about changing your personal space and how it can possibly change your life. And as I thought about it, I realize that I hadn't really changed much about my bedroom in the last 5 years. Sure there was a tweak here or there but it had pretty been the same room through my dating Emilio, my dalliance with Nicky, my flirtation with Chance and my relationship with Samuel as well as the same for my entire reality television career which spanned close to 15 shows. So maybe it was time for a change but nothing too drastic since I did love a lot of things about my room; like how so much of the space is covered in books or the way the orange wall frames my view of the park through my back window. It can be a bit messy and a loud and
a bit garish at times but it is also very me.

Knowing that—I haven't done anything too different but instead it has been a million small changes. I have rearranged room in some different ways by moving my bed and swapping out a table and chair, by bringing in some different colors to work with the orange, by thinking more about the future and what I want to take with me instead of about what I currently have in my space. And while in some ways it has been unexpectedly easy, it has also forced me to look really at what I have and what I want to keep. My exterior is forcing me to look interior which is something I think I really need to do. And who knows-maybe by changing my surroundings I will be changing my luck. As it is I no longer jump out of bed first thing because I never remember what side of the room I am on—much less the bed.

After a few bruised shins you realize it is a good thing to take time to think before you act.
Quote of the Day

To stay topical

'Her last name is Palin... Like Van Halen....'

CNN News about how to pronounce Governor Susan Palin's last name.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Text of the Week.

My friend Chloe texted me about a book she saw on the train one day from home. It was so amazing sounding that I had to share the summary wit you. Lets see if anyone can guess my favorite part of the novel.

Live and Learn by Niobia Simone

It's 24/7 money to burn, it's fancy houses, designer clothes, and luxury cars. It's leaving no-pay jobs and crumbling projects to have everything mad cash flow. And best friends, Alize, Dom, Moet, and Cristal will do anything to get the glamorous life--and put the past in the rear-view mirrors of their brand new whips. A savvy and smart business major, Alize had her childhood shattered by the divorce of her parents and is determined to never fall in love and risk being hurt. Dom learned early to use her sizzling-hot body to make much bank--and find an eascape from her too dark looks and drug-addicted mother. Disillusioned by the faith and strict parents she grew up with, Moet figures hooking up with powerful men is now the real way to heaven. And streetwise Cristal has a master plan to get the secutiry she never to knew as foster child.

To make these dreams come true, these sistahs will go after the East Coast's biggest movers-and-shakers--superstar rappers, mega-successful moguls, and powerful thugs-for-life. But between the wild times and wilder men, one of them is going to gamble one time too many, one will play a player too far, one will take a dangerous chance, and one will face a hard real-deal choice. To survive, they'll have to depend on each other and remember who they truly are to learn that the good life doesn't cost a thing...

Monday, August 11, 2008

Things That Make ME Excited

1) My friend Naomi is coming to visit this week. We'll get at least one day to hang out and do stuff. I can't wait

2) I found a bitching pair of new shoes on-line... there's my birthday gift to myself.

3) I have managed to get back into reasonable workout plan without triggering my back problems.

4) I got (within 24 hours) two random fashion shout outs about something I was wearing.

5) My new story idea is really getting fleshed out and i know someone who is eager to collaborate on it.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Due To Lucy

So the other day I was reading Lucy’s blog—one of those weird blogs that we have once in awhile where we complain about something that we know is not true but still we rent out some mental space regardless.

She wrote this brief piece about how she was feeling fat and unhealthy—this despite the fact she does yoga 4 or 5 times a week, doesn’t drive and walks the hills of San Francisco, that she eats either healthy or very little. I thought I was the only one who felt that way—filled with wasted ambition.

The truth is—after seeing pictures of myself from Kaylie’s birthday party—I wondered what I had been doing all these past months. All the early mornings to work just to run for an hour before I started my shift, all salads that I struggled to make instead of just having the easy meals, all the times where I would rather be reading instead of doing my abs routine, and giving up of all soda except for the weekends and only then because I want to drink less liquor.

It just feels like I have been wasting time and effort almost everyday of the week for every month for the past year. And I know this is not true—that things fit differently, that I can se a few new lines here and there, that I am much healthy than I had been. But I still have those moments where I just feel so defeated and over it.

When I wish I looked like someone else.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Stirred Not Shaken.

There is nothing like cheap Ikea bunk beds to scare the hell out of you during an earthquake. I was at work and on my break—napping in the nap room—when I felt the bed moving way too much. Like uncomfortable college roommate bunk beds where you’re not sure why the bed is moving but you don’t want to look up.

Not fully sure what to do—mostly because I was at work—I came out to the hall to see what amounted to mass hysteria between loggers off and down the hall and story people not sure who to call and various others just standing and staring. I just went back to MCR and took a seat at my computer.

See earthquakes don’t really scare me much—I’m sure that this is most due to my mother being a seismologist—if anything I am constantly waiting for the big one to finally come and get it done. Just to get the quake out of the way.

I know this is weird but I have always heard that once there is a big earthquake it makes most people reconsider being in Los Angeles. After Northridge a bunch of my Nana’s friends left California—it was too scary or they had too many things destroyed or it was too much for them to wait on the next one. I just want a bug one to happen so I can figure out who is here to stay and who is willing to get going at the first sign of trouble.

I guess that sounds a bit insensitive but I am curious. So many of the people in my life seem to hate Los Angeles—are only here for career reasons—whereas I love Los Angeles. I love the weather, I love how it can be as suburban or as hipster as you make it, I love the beaches and the mountains, and I love the plastic of Hollywood and the funkiness of Silverlake. I never doubt where I stand in Los Angeles.

But I do where the rest of my friends stand and I figure a nice earthquake will shake everyone into the places there meant to be. I just want to know who is in this for the long haul. I know that seems unpopular but that’s what I took from the whole thing. That and not to buy Ikea bunk beds. That shit is scary.