Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It Comes Full Circle-ish

So I have given up meat, diary, pork and chicken as part of a new meal plan. It wasnt that hard to do since I did grew up veggie with my folks but it feels ironic to go back to it. And while I am not a full vegan--it's way too hard to eat that way--I have made a huge difference in what I want my body to feel and run on.

It feels good

But it's still a work in progress as it comes to vitamins and prepared foods I can eat, working out my meals around social events and even just being hungry and on the go. But it has mde a difference in my body already--I can feel the fat and muscle shifting around and make a changed fit when it comes to my clothes.

And while it is not for everyone it is worth a shot.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Loss For Words

I havent been able to write for awhile...

I cant blame it on the job or working on the novel, the social life hasnt been more than usual and I havent been sick or out of town... At least not much

The problem is I feel like I cant say anything right now


I feel like my hands have been tied by circumstances beyond my control... Part of the real reason I stay away from my blog is I'm afraid what I want to say will hurt people or be used against me at a later date. Somehow this has become less about my words and feelings and more about protecting others over myself.

I dont think that is a good thing

Part of what my journaling, blogging, whatver has helped me to do is clear my head, put things together through prose and make sense of myself... But I have also been hyper aware of not exposing others, hurting others or even talking about others... That's why there is nicknames and innuendo at times--to protect people.

But who's protecting me?

I just have had a rough couple of days and dont feel like I have any outlets I can trust to work things out in my head... Maybe I'm being overly dramatic but i just feel all tied up. It's not comfortable and makes me wonder if I need to bury this log and start over elsewhere with no connection to myself so I can speak freely.

I'm at a loss.