Sunday, May 23, 2010

Recipes Unwanted

I haven't been able to sit down for two extra seconds as of late. I have been feeling overwhlemed with all of this stress and it is getting in the way of me getting a lot of things done.

Work stress

Now normal i am not the type to get all worked up over-well-work. I can usually turn it on and off--I can be all business and driven and good at what i do and be even better when i leave it all behind at the end of the day. the problem has been how long this job has been lasting-we're already a month over schedule.

Normal this wouldn't even give me pause because more work means less hustling for the freelancer worker. It's just that I am not also commited to return to Big Brother for the summer and if things play out the way they have i will not get any break between the two shows. And Big Brother is the type of show that takes over your life and I would like to plan my life out before it gets taken away from me

And add to this the reality of the current show--that one by one all the guys in my department are leaving for otyher shows and possibly leaving me with the bulk of the work. I'm annoyed because I know that there is a very strong chance I will not be able to finish out the show on my own--and I feel very put upon by a work load that is unrealistic.

And added to that is the fact that EP of teh show keeps offering me a chance to a handful of better things for the show--things that would be a huge boon to my resume but almost impossible to do if I am left to finish up handling the footage and tie up all the loose ends for the deaprtment.

So I feel like I have no control--there is a chance I will have to carry a huge weight of finishing up one part of the show while being fored to turn down a chance to do something even more exciting and with a possible title. I have made it known at the office my worries but I know there is only so much they can do. Add to this--I have jury duty in a week.

That is what they call a hat trick.

And so it is likely I will be at one show up until the next show starts with no break. And since BB's work schedule can be crazy and led to me not being around much during the summer-I just feel like all my free time and choices are running out. i hate it.

And that is teh current recipe for stress.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Random Thoughts

The other day I was talking with my mother about life in general. We were catching up on both of our lives and I was telling her all about Johnno moving into the Dollhouse. She is eager to meet him and when I mentioned that I had to go because he and I had plans she told me that she would like a photograph of me and my special friend.

I hate that phrase.

And as I was on my work today the conversation popped back into my head--I still had yet to send a photo and I needed an old school recipe back from my mom as well. I was considering telling my mother CLEARLY that Johnno is my boyfriend. That is it. No other acceptable words can be used because that is who he is

Which then got me wondering about all the other ways gay couples get described and how much I hate them.

We are not "partners". This is because we do not have our pictures on the sides of public transport advertising our real estate business or workers' comp law office. We do not run a kicky second-hand store on Melrose Avenue or play in professional tournaments.

We are not long term companions. That brings up images of the nurses and care givers that walk their senior charges up and down the neighborhoods of West Hollywood to keep their joints moving. I am not a dog that has been there for the whole family and now hang off a lease as my mid life crisis owner jogs through the streets in the early evening.

But most of all I despise special friends. It makes me think of the sex abuse prevention videos that were all over the TVs in the 80's. The ones where the creepy neighbor as you in for juice or the scout master helps put lotion on your back. Why would I want us referred to as something that-if I was 7 and he was 25-would possibly get him arrested and be an early warning sign for my own safety

And lovers? Well it makes it all about sex which we are ALL about but also smacks of Christopher Walken as the Continental. (which I love but do not want tied to my love life.)

Instead I prefer the following-

Boyfriend- Simple and straight to the point

Beau- Sure it is Southern and very Dandy like but also has it's charming

Hot Piece of Ass- Because it is so true for both of us.

My favorite mistake. Because sometimes that is what being in love feels like

But anything else is nothing else is acceptable. At all!
Quote of the Day

This is the best text I have gotten in awhile because it is so true. it is random and from Kirby so it all adds up.

"Why do i think of Julie Andrews when I see Justin Beiber?"

See-now you can't get it out of your head.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Polyvore is Crack

Every so often I miss my days doing the windows of the Gap. I liked the challenge of creating looks and making things sell. I first found I had this skill at Pier 1 and I still indulge it back decorating the apartment, the boy's old apartment, friends' apartments

It's what I do

And now I have stumbled across Polyvore a few years late to the game but nonetheless I get sucked in hardcore. I can spend hours doing their competitions and just wasting my time.

No I do not want to dress in women's lothing or be a girl. I like my jumk just fine

But seriously-I play for hours

Find me on Polyvore

I don't even understand how it works and it's not very good but i do seem to like it

In the future words of Whitney Houston
"Crack is back"

Friday, May 14, 2010


That I still find him hotter than sin?

I know I know.

Monday, May 10, 2010

More than Illusion.

Sorry I haven’t written much.

Ever have something that is so special and unique that you’re almost afraid of it? Like the European B-side of a Rufus Wainwright album? Or the latest novel from your favorite novelist. Or maybe the perfect pair of black shoes that you have been stalking for months that suddenly went on sale and they only had your size left?

Like one of those type things.

And it is scary to have those type of things. Like the moment you use it, enjoy, own it then it suddenly feels as if the uniqueness and magic of it would be gone. So you find a million little ways to save it and then you get to the point where it becomes so big and overwhelming that you don’t know how to actually bring yourself to take away the magic.

This is a roundabout way of saying that Johnno is moving in the Dollhouse with Edie, Lola and me. I just haven’t been ready to share that with anyone because it still feels so surreal and fragile and in process but now it is at the point where the information is leaking out randomly and it’s time to make the grand gesture.

I will be living with my boyfriend for the first time ever.

I will also continue to live with the princess and the trouble-maker. In the words of Edie-“It’s going to a non stop dance party”. And it does have that club/slumber party vibe already and it just continues to feel more and more standard and normal.

Insert freak out here.

It came about through my usual combination of random events mixed with serendipity and self examination. I had been trying to figure out the core of my frustration and issues that kept coming up over the course of my weekend-I would just be so stressed and overwhelmed and I would get snappish and moody and I couldn’t figure it out. After a few email exchanges via blogs with a friend in a similar situation, I came to realize that what was really going on was quite simple.

I was upset at wasting time when all I wanted to do was just be able to be with Johnno. I felt like I was constantly running out of time with him and so anything that seemed to get in the way of us just being able to enjoy ourselves made me so ragey and cranky that I was pushing things away.

At the end of the day I wanted to live with him.

But once I realized this-I was at a loss. Because I love the Dollhouse and my roommates, I loved the cheap rent and great location, and it really is my home. I love everything about it from the walls we’ve painted to the art I’ve hung over the years to the crazy amounts of beauty products in any one given location of the apartment. But I love it most of all for the simple fact that it is big enough for a dance party at any given time.

My hands felt tied--I have lived at Woodbridge Park longer than anywhere in my entire life and the idea of giving it up made me nauseous. When a relationship has gone this far in the past I have been able to make timelines about when I would have to deal with moving out to move in with some—usually far off dates that would be adjust so that they stayed far off.. I don’t think I ever did it on purpose but I did it regardless. But with Johnno I felt I couldn’t keep doing that.

I wanted him more than I want my illusion of home centered independence.

So then the question became about what to do with myself.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Inspire and Obsession

New York has glamorous store windows to gawk at up and down it's street but Los Angels makes amazing sets for the whole world to watch. And this week along Melrose Avenue, various stores are doing tribute windows to famous films and television sets... Here are my favorites

A Mad Men inspired window

And of course- a tribute to Auntie Mame

Enjoy the views-more words to come later