The other day I was talking with my mother about life in general. We were catching up on both of our lives and I was telling her all about Johnno moving into the Dollhouse. She is eager to meet him and when I mentioned that I had to go because he and I had plans she told me that she would like a photograph of me and my special friend.
I hate that phrase.
And as I was on my work today the conversation popped back into my head--I still had yet to send a photo and I needed an old school recipe back from my mom as well. I was considering telling my mother CLEARLY that Johnno is my boyfriend. That is it. No other acceptable words can be used because that is who he is
Which then got me wondering about all the other ways gay couples get described and how much I hate them.
We are not "partners". This is because we do not have our pictures on the sides of public transport advertising our real estate business or workers' comp law office. We do not run a kicky second-hand store on Melrose Avenue or play in professional tournaments.
We are not long term companions. That brings up images of the nurses and care givers that walk their senior charges up and down the neighborhoods of West Hollywood to keep their joints moving. I am not a dog that has been there for the whole family and now hang off a lease as my mid life crisis owner jogs through the streets in the early evening.
But most of all I despise special friends. It makes me think of the sex abuse prevention videos that were all over the TVs in the 80's. The ones where the creepy neighbor as you in for juice or the scout master helps put lotion on your back. Why would I want us referred to as something that-if I was 7 and he was 25-would possibly get him arrested and be an early warning sign for my own safety
And lovers? Well it makes it all about sex which we are ALL about but also smacks of Christopher Walken as the Continental. (which I love but do not want tied to my love life.)
Instead I prefer the following-
Boyfriend- Simple and straight to the point
Beau- Sure it is Southern and very Dandy like but also has it's charming
Hot Piece of Ass- Because it is so true for both of us.
My favorite mistake. Because sometimes that is what being in love feels like
But anything else is nothing else is acceptable. At all!