Friday, December 31, 2004

Last Quote of the Week (For 2004)

Lizzie is this year's final winner with this thought about life in general... "I don't want to plan it--I want to be pretty and just show up!" Congrats Lizzie!!! And tomorrow I will announce the quote of 2004!
Words Get In the Way—

So today I read Lucy’s blog, , and it always surprises me how in-synch we can be. She wrote this big long entry about what she believes a blog is meant and not meant to be. It made me laugh because it just shows how we always seem to be on the corner of the same thought. It made me take pause and think about all the things I haven’t written about and all the things I have held back on. More often than not this is due to my audience—the handful of important people in my life who take the trouble to want to know where my head is and how I am feeling. And this is exactly the reason I don’t write about certain things, certain people or thoughts. Because I don’t want to offend people with what I am thinking—not just about them but sometimes about myself and my life. That there are things I think and feel that I don’t want pushed back in my face. It’s about responsibility. And it got me to thinking about that word—responsibility. In a sense it is to take ownership for one’s actions or in this case words. To be held accountable for my thoughts on this page regardless of where this page goes. But I am beginning to think that this is the wrong way to look at it. The truest responsibility I have here in my blog is not to my readers, my friends, or family who read this page, this entry or yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. It is not to be kind or socially acceptable, flattering or even fair. My responsibility here is to be honest—about what I am thinking, feeling, seeing and doing. I write this alone and for no one else but my self. I write about the things I enjoy but also about the things that annoy. I take what is flying about in my head and just set it down to words—there may be grammar and structure but at the end of the day—it is just emotion and feelings being placed somewhere outside of myself. It isn’t meant to be anything more than a place where I spill. This is not an e-mail or phone call, a letter or cocktail conversation—there are things that go here that I don’t need to talk about or become gossip items to be cut and pasted. It is just a moment of time in my life set to words for whatever reasons move me. It is not about you or you or even you. I guess the reason I am writing is that I have no idea who reads this sometimes. I do worry that all this honesty can get me in trouble, that what emotions I have as I type can become reasons or facts to be held against me at a later point. And if that is why you read me—then don’t. And for you that read for just simple pleasure or curiosity then fine. Come in
Last Quote of the Week (for 2004)

Lizzie is this year's final winner with this thought about life in general...

"I don't want to plan it--I want to be pretty and just show up!"

Congrats Lizzie!!! And tomorrow I will announce the quote of 2004!

Currently listening:
Complete Studio Recordings
By Led Zeppelin
Release date: By 24 September, 1993

Words Get In the Way—

So today I read Lucy’s blog, , and it always surprises me how in-synch we can be. She wrote this big long entry about what she believes a blog is meant and not meant to be. It made me laugh because it just shows how we always seem to be on the corner of the same thought.

It made me take pause and think about all the things I haven’t written about and all the things I have held back on. More often than not this is due to my audience—the handful of important people in my life who take the trouble to want to know where my head is and how I am feeling.

And this is exactly the reason I don’t write about certain things, certain people or thoughts. Because I don’t want to offend people with what I am thinking—not just about them but sometimes about myself and my life. That there are things I think and feel that I don’t want pushed back in my face. It’s about responsibility.

And it got me to thinking about that word—responsibility. In a sense it is to take ownership for one’s actions or in this case words. To be held accountable for my thoughts on this page regardless of where this page goes. But I am beginning to think that this is the wrong way to look at it.

The truest responsibility I have here in my blog is not to my readers, my friends, or family who read this page, this entry or yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. It is not to be kind or socially acceptable, flattering or even fair. My responsibility here is to be honest—about what I am thinking, feeling, seeing and doing.

I write this alone and for no one else but my self. I write about the things I enjoy but also about the things that annoy. I take what is flying about in my head and just set it down to words—there may be grammar and structure but at the end of the day—it is just emotion and feelings being placed somewhere outside of myself. It isn’t meant to be anything more than a place where I spill.

This is not an e-mail or phone call, a letter or cocktail conversation—there are things that go here that I don’t need to talk about or become gossip items to be cut and pasted. It is just a moment of time in my life set to words for whatever reasons move me. It is not about you or you or even you.

I guess the reason I am writing is that I have no idea who reads this sometimes. I do worry that all this honesty can get me in trouble, that what emotions I have as I type can become reasons or facts to be held against me at a later point. And if that is why you read me—then don’t. And for you that read for just simple pleasure or curiosity then fine. Come in

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Waiting for Number Three

"I'm Waiting for Number Three"
FAREWELL: Celebrated author-essayist-activist Susan Sontag, widely considered one of the most influential social critics of the last 50 years, died Tuesday morning of complications of acute myelogenous leukemia. She was 71. Sontag's seminal works included the 1964 essay "Notes on Camp" and the novels Illness as Metaphor and In America, the latter of which won her a National Book award. NEW YORK - Actor Jerry Orbach, who played a sardonic, seen-it-all cop on TV's "Law & Order" and scored on Broadway as a song-and-dance man, has died of prostate cancer at 69, a representative of the show said Wednesday.
I never

( ) I Never Have Been Drunk

( ) I Never Have Smoked Pot

( ) I Never Have Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex

( ) I Never Have Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

(x) I Never Crashed A Friend's Car

(x) I Never Have Been To Japan

( ) I Never Rode In A Taxi

( ) I Never Had Anal Sex or given

(x) I Never Have Been In Love

( ) I Never Have Had Sex In Public

( ) I Never Have Been Dumped

( ) I Never Done Cocaine

( ) I Never Shoplifted

(x) I Never Have Been Fired

(x) I Never Been In A Fist Fight

( ) I Never Had group intercourse

( ) I Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House

( ) I Never Have Been Tied Up

(x) I Never Have Been Caught Masturbating

(x) I Never Pissed On Myself

( ) I Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Same Sex

(x) I Never Been Arrested

( ) I Never Made Out With A Stranger

( ) I Never Stole Something From My Job

(x) I Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square

(x) I Never Went On A Blind Date

( ) I Never Lied To A Friend

( ) I Never Had A Crush On A Teacher

(x) I Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans

(x) I Never Been To Europe

( ) I Never Skipped School

( ) I Never hooked up With A Co-Worker

( ) I Never Cut Myself On Purpose

(x) I Never Had Sex At The Office

(x) I Never Have Been Married

(x) I Never Have Been Divorced

( ) I Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week

( ) I Never Have Posed Nude

(x) I Never Got Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them

(x) I Never Have Killed Anyone

(x) I Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner

(x) I Have Never Thrown Up In A Bar

(x) I Have Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire

(x) I Have Never Eaten Sushi

(x) I Have Never Been Snowboarding

( ) I Have Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party

(x) I Have Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room ((ohh but do I want to!))

(x) I Have Never Flashed Anyone

( ) I Have Never Hooked Up with a Friend's ex girlfriend
Quote of the Week

This comes from Jac and a bottle of wine:

"Marriage? Who said anything about marriage? I just want true love."
"I'm Waiting for Number Three"

FAREWELL: Celebrated author-essayist-activist Susan Sontag, widely considered one of the most influential social critics of the last 50 years, died Tuesday morning of complications of acute myelogenous leukemia. She was 71. Sontag's seminal works included the 1964 essay "Notes on Camp" and the novels Illness as Metaphor and In America, the latter of which won her a National Book award.

NEW YORK - Actor Jerry Orbach, who played a sardonic, seen-it-all cop on TV's "Law & Order" and scored on Broadway as a song-and-dance man, has died of prostate cancer at 69, a representative of the show said Wednesday.

Quote of the Week

This comes from Jac and a bottle of wine:

"Marriage? Who said anything about marriage? I just want true love."

Monday, December 27, 2004

Sibling Fun—Just Not My Own.

It’s raining in Los Angeles, I’m drinking a beer and eating Mandarin Chicken—life is good. I spent the last couple of days with Lola, Rocky and their siblings Simon and Simone. We spent X-Mass day geeking out, watching ‘return of the king’ with commentary only—God I love Dom and Billy—watching lots of videos and just talking, hanging out. It’s so hard for me to get a normal sibling relationship—watching the girls enjoy hanging out with their younger siblings and just getting along. I have never had that. Mike and I were raised to be competitive—a star athlete and the scholar respectively—each parent had a favorite. We were constantly compared in every way and always found lacking in some way. So when I see siblings that get along, have fun and like to hang out—I am always thrown. But it is nice to see and fun to watch. The kids are nice and well mannered and can play at the same level as the sisters. Tis cool. On top of the family fun, Rocky and I had a chance to bond and talk. We discussed the group and how she feels being apart of it, where she fits in and how she sees it. I was impressed by how smart and defiant she is about it all and gave me hope that I could be that way as well. It’s funny to watch someone do all you want to be able to do and see how easy it can be. But the best part of the time away is that it makes being back home much more fun. I’ve been having fun alone in the house and just enjoying my own company. Baths and beer and Bond—James Bond.
Sibling Fun—Just Not My Own.

It’s raining in Los Angeles, I’m drinking a beer and eating Mandarin Chicken—life is good. I spent the last couple of days with Lola, Rocky and their siblings Simon and Simone. We spent X-Mass day geeking out, watching ‘return of the king’ with commentary only—God I love Dom and Billy—watching lots of videos and just talking, hanging out.

It’s so hard for me to get a normal sibling relationship—watching the girls enjoy hanging out with their younger siblings and just getting along. I have never had that. Mike and I were raised to be competitive—a star athlete and the scholar respectively—each parent had a favorite. We were constantly compared in every way and always found lacking in some way.

So when I see siblings that get along, have fun and like to hang out—I am always thrown. But it is nice to see and fun to watch. The kids are nice and well mannered and can play at the same level as the sisters. Tis cool.

On top of the family fun, Rocky and I had a chance to bond and talk. We discussed the group and how she feels being apart of it, where she fits in and how she sees it. I was impressed by how smart and defiant she is about it all and gave me hope that I could be that way as well. It’s funny to watch someone do all you want to be able to do and see how easy it can be.

But the best part of the time away is that it makes being back home much more fun. I’ve been having fun alone in the house and just enjoying my own company. Baths and beer and Bond—James Bond.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

The Ghost of Christmas Past—LA style

As the East Coasters sleep in their beds, Rory is still up—thoughts running in his head. (Sorry for the bad poetry—could resist.) Anyways, as I’m on my third beer I can’t help to think about all my holidays here…. My first X-Mass was spent with my Aunt, her 3rd husband and my younger cousins. It was odd because I didn’t know them quite well and was overwhelmed by how they lived. Breakfast with Crystal, caviar and an overworked maid named Conselos. It didn’t help when my mother called and I told what was on the menu—she hates that her sister is rich. Holiday 2 was the holiday where I got so sick on X-Mass Eve that I hid in bed with soup, water and OJ to keep me going. I didn’t go and see anyone because I couldn’t even keep food down. I don’t remember much of it. My third X-Mass was the year I didn’t go anywhere. I was working retail and was working X-Mass Eve as well as the day after so I couldn’t go up the coast with the family. I instead spent the day alone and eating everything in sight and dodging phone calls from family so they couldn’t tell I was depressed. Year 4 was the X-Mass with Emilio—the world’s worst boyfriend. After trying to cook breakfast—yeah, I cooked—I ended up crying briefly in the bathroom. This was followed by Emilio not liking half the presents I gave him and telling me to my face—in a ‘nice’ way. This was then followed my unwrapped present which was tossed at me during a fight. Good times. Year 5 was the ‘we don’t celebrate X-Mass’ with Irene and Naomi. We spent the day at the movies and chased by the Chinese food and random shopping spree. It was fun but odd since Irene didn’t want any mention of the holiday and Naomi being Jewish and not understanding why Irene was upset. I played Rory in the middle. Last year was Drunken Married Sex-Mass. This involved Lizzie, Willis, Bess, Miguel and I getting drunk on X-Mass Eve—this even though I left, had sex with my then-fuck buddy—by playing frat games led by Dax. This was followed by the Chipmunks X-Mass video and lots of porn which resulted in us returning the wrong films. (This doesn’t just happen in films people.) We then went to a dinner party through by our married friends, which was dress up and meant
The Ghost of Christmas Past—LA style

As the East Coasters sleep in their beds, Rory is still up—thoughts running in his head. (Sorry for the bad poetry—could resist.) Anyways, as I’m on my third beer I can’t help to think about all my holidays here….

My first X-Mass was spent with my Aunt, her 3rd husband and my younger cousins. It was odd because I didn’t know them quite well and was overwhelmed by how they lived. Breakfast with Crystal, caviar and an overworked maid named Conselos. It didn’t help when my mother called and I told what was on the menu—she hates that her sister is rich.

Holiday 2 was the holiday where I got so sick on X-Mass Eve that I hid in bed with soup, water and OJ to keep me going. I didn’t go and see anyone because I couldn’t even keep food down. I don’t remember much of it.

My third X-Mass was the year I didn’t go anywhere. I was working retail and was working X-Mass Eve as well as the day after so I couldn’t go up the coast with the family. I instead spent the day alone and eating everything in sight and dodging phone calls from family so they couldn’t tell I was depressed.

Year 4 was the X-Mass with Emilio—the world’s worst boyfriend. After trying to cook breakfast—yeah, I cooked—I ended up crying briefly in the bathroom. This was followed by Emilio not liking half the presents I gave him and telling me to my face—in a ‘nice’ way. This was then followed my unwrapped present which was tossed at me during a fight. Good times.

Year 5 was the ‘we don’t celebrate X-Mass’ with Irene and Naomi. We spent the day at the movies and chased by the Chinese food and random shopping spree. It was fun but odd since Irene didn’t want any mention of the holiday and Naomi being Jewish and not understanding why Irene was upset. I played Rory in the middle.

Last year was Drunken Married Sex-Mass. This involved Lizzie, Willis, Bess, Miguel and I getting drunk on X-Mass Eve—this even though I left, had sex with my then-fuck buddy—by playing frat games led by Dax. This was followed by the Chipmunks X-Mass video and lots of porn which resulted in us returning the wrong films. (This doesn’t just happen in films people.) We then went to a dinner party through by our married friends, which was dress up and meant to be cultured but instead was all about hung over guests and annoyed chefs….

And this year? Who knows?

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

This is Creepy

I'm in love with Donovan Patton--do you know who that is? The host of 'Blue's Clues' and just the yummiest guy ever. And today was the love day special and so he kept saying to the screen--since it's a kid show--I love you and I just melted. I am so pathetic
Misfit Toys Unite

It’s been a weird couple of days—being alone in the apartment and just slumming around and doing nothing and quite well. Each Christmas for the past 6 years I have spent it away from my family for various reasons such as work, money or just because. People find this odd, that I don’t make the effort to fly back East, to have my family fly out or just fly home. I have never really been a huge fan of Christmas—don’t get me wrong, I like presents and parties, giving cool gifts and surprising people. But with my mom’s collection of husbands and in-laws I never felt like I belonged in anyone place. My birth dad’s family wasn’t really around, my dad’s family was very religious and of the mindset that kids don’t matter much less the kids of another man. Then there was my step dad’s family that didn’t know how to handle kids at all since most were not born yet or much older than us. And my mom’s family wasn’t all that great either—my grandparents were divorced and not speaking to each other so combined with the tension between my mom and grandfather about me of all things—even as a toddler I could feel the drama. The only place I ever felt I belonged was at my Great Uncle Bob’s house—the large Haworth brood in full effect without my grandfather to ruin it. It was show tunes and booze, slot machine and a huge mansion to hide in. But regardless of where we were, the best part of each holiday was the Christmas specials. My brother and I would watch each of them religiously regardless of whether we liked them or not and we each had our favorite. My brother loved the ‘Star Wars’ Christmas special and I was fond of all the clay-mation specials. But I had one favorite part of fall. I loved all the misfits toys on the Island of Misfits Toys—the dolly with out a nose, the broken jack-in-the-box, the square wheeled train and of course the polka dot elephant. I loved the fact that all the unwanted, broken toys had a home of their own—a place that they belonged because even then I knew that I was one of them. A misfit. The only part of the special that disturbed me was when they were fixed and brought to the deserving children of the world. I knew back then I didn’t want to be fixed or that I even needed to be. My mother used to tell me how I cried as a toddler when the toys were gone. I don’t remember it but it wouldn’t be surprising. I guess where I am going with this is that I still feel that way today. I don’t go home because I like to be here—on my island of misfit toys. I like feeling like I don’t have to make myself belong or belong to someone else to have worth. That while going home isn’t the end of the world—it’s not somewhere I need to be to feel special. I’m proud of that about myself and if that makes me a misfit—so be it.
This is Creepy
Current mood: guilty

I'm in love with Donovan Patton--do you know who that is? The host of 'Blue's Clues' and just the yummiest guy ever. And today was the love day special and so he kept saying to the screen--since it's a kid show--I love you and I just melted. I am so pathetic

Currently watching:
Blue's Clues - Get to Know Joe
Release date: By 13 May, 2003

Misfit Toys Unite

It’s been a weird couple of days—being alone in the apartment and just slumming around and doing nothing and quite well. Each Christmas for the past 6 years I have spent it away from my family for various reasons such as work, money or just because. People find this odd, that I don’t make the effort to fly back East, to have my family fly out or just fly home.

I have never really been a huge fan of Christmas—don’t get me wrong, I like presents and parties, giving cool gifts and surprising people. But with my mom’s collection of husbands and in-laws I never felt like I belonged in anyone place. My birth dad’s family wasn’t really around, my dad’s family was very religious and of the mindset that kids don’t matter much less the kids of another man. Then there was my step dad’s family that didn’t know how to handle kids at all since most were not born yet or much older than us.

And my mom’s family wasn’t all that great either—my grandparents were divorced and not speaking to each other so combined with the tension between my mom and grandfather about me of all things—even as a toddler I could feel the drama. The only place I ever felt I belonged was at my Great Uncle Bob’s house—the large Haworth brood in full effect without my grandfather to ruin it. It was show tunes and booze, slot machine and a huge mansion to hide in.

But regardless of where we were, the best part of each holiday was the Christmas specials. My brother and I would watch each of them religiously regardless of whether we liked them or not and we each had our favorite. My brother loved the ‘Star Wars’ Christmas special and I was fond of all the clay-mation specials. But I had one favorite part of fall.

I loved all the misfits toys on the Island of Misfits Toys—the dolly with out a nose, the broken jack-in-the-box, the square wheeled train and of course the polka dot elephant. I loved the fact that all the unwanted, broken toys had a home of their own—a place that they belonged because even then I knew that I was one of them. A misfit.

The only part of the special that disturbed me was when they were fixed and brought to the deserving children of the world. I knew back then I didn’t want to be fixed or that I even needed to be. My mother used to tell me how I cried as a toddler when the toys were gone. I don’t remember it but it wouldn’t be surprising.

I guess where I am going with this is that I still feel that way today. I don’t go home because I like to be here—on my island of misfit toys. I like feeling like I don’t have to make myself belong or belong to someone else to have worth. That while going home isn’t the end of the world—it’s not somewhere I need to be to feel special. I’m proud of that about myself and if that makes me a misfit—so be it.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

This is true for all of us--

This came from Lola and oh so true....

"Having recently spent a few nights like this I thought it appropriate to send along the wisdom:

21 SIGNS A GIRL SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT . . . . .

1. She has absolutely no idea where her purse is.

2. She believes that dancing with her arms overhead and
wiggling her butt while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move
ever.

3. She suddenly decides that she wants to kick someone's
ass and honestly believes she could do it too.

4. During her her last trip to the ladies room she realizes that she
now looks more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess she did just four
hours ago.

5. She drops her 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, which she picks up and
eats even though she's not the least bit hungry.

6. She starts crying and telling everyone she sees that
she loves them sooooo much.

7. There are less than three hours before she is due to
start work

8. She has found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek
sitting next to her.

9. The man she's flirting with used to be her 5th grade
teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a
Table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. Her eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so she keeps them half closed and thinks it looks exotically sexy.

12. She suddenly takes up smoking and becomes really good at
it.

13. She yells at the bartender, who (she believes) cheated
by giving her just lemonade in her last drink, when really
she can no longer taste the gin.

14. She thinks she's in bed, but the pillow feels strangely
like the kitchen floor.

15. She starts every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take
this the WRONG WAY but..."

16. She fails to notice that the toilet lid's down when she
sits on it.

17. Her hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. She's tired so she just sits on the floor (wherever she
happens to be standing) to take a quick nap.

19. She begins leaving the buttons open on her button fly
pants to cut down on the time she's in the bathroom and away from her drink.

20. She takes her shoes off because she believes it's their
fault that she is having problems walking straight.

21. She starts believing that everyone in the room wants to
see her boobs. "

Monday, December 20, 2004

First

FIRSTS
01. First best friend: hope Taylor
02. First car: haven’t had one, bad driver
03. First crush: Chris Grant
04. First kiss: Michael Dawson
05. First job: assistant at seismology company
06. First roommate: the Jens

LASTS
01. Last kiss: Chance
02. Last good cry: Thursday night
04. Last movie seen: Aviator
05. Last beverage drank: black coffee
06. Last food consumed: veggie burger
07. Last crush: Chance
08. Last phone call: Edie
09. Last time showered: 8 hours ago
10. Last shoes worn: slip ons
11. Last item bought: Gwen Stefani album
12. Last annoyance: gossip
13. Last time wanting to die: last year during infection
14. Last time scolded: never
15. Last bar/club you were at: Oil Can Harry’s
RANDOM
01. Who are your best friends? Ruby, Edie, Kelly and Kirby
02. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope
03. How long have you been together?
04. How long was your longest? 2 yrs
05. Have you ever cheated? Hmm
06. Been cheated on? Hmmm
07. Do you still talk to your childhood friends? Nope
08. How many best friends did you have growing up? Two great ones
FASHION
01. Where is your favorite place to shop? Bookstores
02. Any tattoos or piercing? One piercing
03. What’s your favorite article of clothing? None
04. What would you die without? Laptop
05. What’s your favorite thing to buy? Clothes
SPECIFICS
01. Do you do drugs? Used to
02. What kind of shampoo do you use? Beach Blond
03. What are you most scared of? Crying girls
04. What are you listening to right now? ‘Family Guy’
05. Where do you want to get married? Bryant Point, Nantucket
06. How many buddies are online right now? More than 5
07. What would you change about yourself? My narcissism
08. Pets? None.
FAVORITES
01. Color: Red, Gold and orange
02. Food: Chinese
03. Boys’ names: Elijah, Joaquin
04. Girls’ names: Robin, Lilith
05. Subjects in school: English, history art and creative writing
06. Animals: panda
07. Sport: soccer, hockey
08. Perfume: Candy’s
09. Holiday: New Years
10. Place you've traveled: Boston, LA, Nantucket, Las Vegas, and Puerto Rico
HAVE YOU EVER
01. Given anyone a bath? Yes—I was nanny.
03. Bungee jumped? Nope
04. Made yourself throw up? Yes
05. Skinny-dipped? Yes
06: been in love? Never
07. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Nope
08. Pictured your crush naked? Nope
09. Actually seen your crush naked? Nope
10. Cried when someone died? Yes
11. Lied? Hmm
12. Fallen for a friend? Yes
13. Been rejected? Oh yeah
14. Rejected someone? Yes
15. Used someone? Yes
16. Done something you regret? Yes
17. Had a threesome? Yes and it didn’t help
CURRENT 01. Clothes: Sweater, swim trunks, slip on’s
02. Music: none
03. Make-up: none
04. Annoyance: none
05. Smell: Ocean breeze
06. Favorite artist: Rufus
07. Desktop picture: Carrie Bradshaw
08. Dvd in player: ‘Beautiful Thing’
09. Color of toenails: clear
10. Weekend plans: Partied on Friday—dinner with Kirby and movies with Naomi
11. Frustrations: social
LAST PERSON
01. You touched: Naomi with hug
02. You IMed: Kirby
03. You saw: Naomi
04. You had dinner with: Naomi
05. You kissed: hmm
06. You hugged: Naomi
07. You had drinks with: Lola and Rocky
WHO DO YOU WANNA
01. Kill: none
02. Slap: Skylar
03. Look like: boring ...
04. Talk to offline: Edie
05. Talk to online: Chance
06. Kiss: Chance
07. Visit: Chloe and Lucy
08. Hang out with more: Chloe and Lucy
FIRSTS

01. First best friend: hope Taylor
02. First car: haven’t had one, bad driver
03. First crush: Chris Grant
04. First kiss: Michael Dawson
05. First job: assistant at seismology company
06. First roommate: the Jens

LASTS

01. Last kiss: Chance
02. Last good cry: Thursday night
04. Last movie seen: Aviator
05. Last beverage drank: black coffee
06. Last food consumed: veggie burger
07. Last crush: Chance
08. Last phone call: Edie
09. Last time showered: 8 hours ago
10. Last shoes worn: slip ons
11. Last item bought: Gwen Stefani album
12. Last annoyance: gossip
13. Last time wanting to die: last year during infection
14. Last time scolded: never
15. Last bar/club you were at: Oil Can Harry’s

RANDOM

01. Who are your best friends? Ruby, Edie, Kelly and Kirby
02. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope
03. How long have you been together?
04. How long was your longest? 2 yrs
05. Have you ever cheated? Hmm
06. Been cheated on? Hmmm
07. Do you still talk to your childhood friends? Nope
08. How many best friends did you have growing up? Two great ones

FASHION

01. Where is your favorite place to shop? Bookstores
02. Any tattoos or piercing? One piercing
03. What’s your favorite article of clothing? None
04. What would you die without? Laptop
05. What’s your favorite thing to buy? Clothes

SPECIFICS

01. Do you do drugs? Used to
02. What kind of shampoo do you use? Beach Blond
03. What are you most scared of? Crying girls
04. What are you listening to right now? ‘Family Guy’
05. Where do you want to get married? Bryant Point, Nantucket
06. How many buddies are online right now? More than 5
07. What would you change about yourself? My narcissism
08. Pets? None.

FAVORITES

01. Color: Red, Gold and orange
02. Food: Chinese
03. Boys’ names: Elijah, Joaquin
04. Girls’ names: Robin, Lilith
05. Subjects in school: English, history art and creative writing
06. Animals: panda
07. Sport: soccer, hockey
08. Perfume: Candy’s
09. Holiday: New Years
10. Place you've traveled: Boston, LA, Nantucket, Las Vegas, and Puerto Rico

HAVE YOU EVER

01. Given anyone a bath? Yes—I was nanny.
03. Bungee jumped? Nope
04. Made yourself throw up? Yes
05. Skinny-dipped? Yes
06: been in love? Never
07. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Nope
08. Pictured your crush naked? Nope
09. Actually seen your crush naked? Nope
10. Cried when someone died? Yes
11. Lied? Hmm
12. Fallen for a friend? Yes
13. Been rejected? Oh yeah
14. Rejected someone? Yes
15. Used someone? Yes
16. Done something you regret? Yes
17. Had a threesome? Yes and it didn’t help

CURRENT

01. Clothes: Sweater, swim trunks, slip on’s
02. Music: none
03. Make-up: none
04. Annoyance: none
05. Smell: Ocean breeze
06. Favorite artist: Rufus
07. Desktop picture: Carrie Bradshaw
08. Dvd in player: ‘Beautiful Thing’
09. Color of toenails: clear
10. Weekend plans: Partied on Friday—dinner with Kirby and movies with Naomi
11. Frustrations: social

LAST PERSON

01. You touched: Naomi with hug
02. You IMed: Kirby
03. You saw: Naomi
04. You had dinner with: Naomi
05. You kissed: hmm
06. You hugged: Naomi
07. You had drinks with: Lola and Rocky

WHO DO YOU WANNA

01. Kill: none
02. Slap: Skylar
03. Look like: boring ...
04. Talk to offline: Edie
05. Talk to online: Chance
06. Kiss: Chance
07. Visit: Chloe and Lucy
08. Hang out with more: Chloe and Lucy

Sunday, December 19, 2004

RIP

When it was good--it wasn't that great. But what can you do?

More to come later

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Long time--no write

Sorry I’ve been holding back kiddos… Have been dealing with some odd yet important information that I have been given and can’t do anything about. Don’t you just hate when you are told something important then—oh you aren’t supposed to know or say anything about it. Yeah. That’s what I have been dealing with. But nonetheless—I just started my vacation for which I am VERY excited. The Shat show gets more complicated every week that I’m there—between what the producers want and the network wants and now all the writers have left the show but me so—it’s been busy and hard. I am glad to not think about it for 15 days!!! Yeah!!! I have many little plans set for my time off—side adventures for LA and other places as well. I’m very excited to just take some me time and write and roam without borders. LOL. Though I do wish I had time to go to the one place that I want to go but I guess Lucy and Chloe will have to wait till this show is done. Of course there is all the misfit factor this Chrisnnukah—I don’t know who’s still in Los Angeles and I don’t think I really care. But I should find out and at least check in with them all. It’s the nice thing to do. Outside of that—I am boring as of right now.
Big Shock Here

Elizabeth Bennet: intelligent, outgoing, passionate, loving
Elizabeth Bennet: intelligent, outgoing,
passionate, loving


What Jane Austin
brought to you by Quizilla
Long time, no write…

Sorry I’ve been holding back kiddos… Have been dealing with some odd yet important information that I have been given and can’t do anything about. Don’t you just hate when you are told something important then—oh you aren’t supposed to know or say anything about it. Yeah. That’s what I have been dealing with.

But nonetheless—I just started my vacation for which I am VERY excited. The Shat show gets more complicated every week that I’m there—between what the producers want and the network wants and now all the writers have left the show but me so—it’s been busy and hard. I am glad to not think about it for 15 days!!! Yeah!!!

I have many little plans set for my time off—side adventures for LA and other places as well. I’m very excited to just take some me time and write and roam without borders. LOL. Though I do wish I had time to go to the one place that I want to go but I guess Lucy and Chloe will have to wait till this show is done.

Of course there is all the misfit factor this Chrisnnukah—I don’t know who’s still in Los Angeles and I don’t think I really care. But I should find out and at least check in with them all. It’s the nice thing to do.

Outside of that—I am boring as of right now.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Quote of the Week

Chloe called this one dead-on

"I'm always befriending in hopes of befucking."

Your toaster and copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will be in the mail shortly. Keep up the good work and good bless.
Quote of the Week

Chloe called this one dead-on

"I'm always befriending in hopes of befucking."

Your toaster and copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will be in the mail shortly. Keep up the good work and good bless.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

The Real Me

The picture of dorian gray
Oscar Wilde: The Portrait of Dorian Gray. You are a
horror novel from the world of dandies, rich
pretty boys, art and aesthetics, and
intellectual debates between ethical people and
decadent pleasure-seekers. You value beauty and
pleasure but realize their dangers, as well.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes I retook the quiz--I am not Flowers of Evil. (God I hate that book.)
fleurs
Charles Baudelaire: The Flowers of Evil. You are
one of the most loved and hated poetic works.
Death and decadence are important themes for
you, but none should overlook your impressive
aesthetics, either. Deep down youre not evil at
all, you just like to play the tough guy on the
block.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

This Sums it up

You walk like a whore, you act like a whore, you're going to meet and attract whores. Nothing wrong with that... plenty of them do it and are fine with it.
Where I am at…

Where I am at… So I haven’t posted anything new in a bit—I would love to say that I have been crazy busy, doing fun things and out and about but I haven’t. I’ve been a little hectic between work, Christmas shopping and trying to make time for everyone I can before they all leave town for the holidays. But on top of that—my Vacation posting seemed to cause quite a stir and I was taken to task multiple times by various people. I was told that it was all in my head, that maybe I was in the rut and not changing at all and so projecting my issues on others. First of all, I really though that this was all my choice and not something for everyone to jump on me about—that my journal implied my thoughts and not a debate where I was wrong. I get why people said all these things though and can’t be that upset about it. But it got me thinking a lot and I realized that I have changed a lot in the past year and actually not in a rut at all. Quite the opposite. In the past year I had something I wrote performed on the Los Angeles stage and another piece filmed. I acted for the first time in years, and for the first time in 10 years I actually got behind the camera and filmed a film. I helped (some might say saved) a political theatre production. I decorated my first loft for a client ever! I started a career this past year and made huge forward movement to the point that I am getting paid to write for television—something I would have never guessed would have happened this time last year. I took risks with the jobs I went after and succeeded each time. In terms of my love life, I realized that my heart still works and that I don’t have to believe that the right one doesn’t exist. I had 2 of the most romantic moments of my life in the past year because I was honest and went after what I want as opposed to just talking about it. Did I get everything I wanted out of the situation—no but I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid to go after bright and shiny boys. That is huge for me. My friendships grew so much, not only with new people in my life but with people I never thought it was possible. I was honest and risked one of my best friendships by saying what I felt and needed from her and we both grew closer because of it. And I was honest and open with people in a way I never thought I could be. I owned my personal history and risked a lot by telling all my truths and realized that I am loved despite all my faults. It was my biggest fear and I got beyond it and grew stronger for it. So am I in a rut? I don’t believe so at all. I think this past year has been one of the hardest, scariest, and riskiest but it was worth it. And I guess I just want the people I love to try and move forward too. It made me sad to watch people make choices that weren’t making them happy and there is nothing I can do to help them and that is why

Monday, December 13, 2004

Where I am at…

So I haven’t posted anything new in a bit—I would love to say that I have been crazy busy, doing fun things and out and about but I haven’t. I’ve been a little hectic between work, Christmas shopping and trying to make time for everyone I can before they all leave town for the holidays.

But on top of that—my Vacation posting seemed to cause quite a stir and I was taken to task multiple times by various people. I was told that it was all in my head, that maybe I was in the rut and not changing at all and so projecting my issues on others. First of all, I really though that this was all my choice and not something for everyone to jump on me about—that my journal implied my thoughts and not a debate where I was wrong.

I get why people said all these things though and can’t be that upset about it. But it got me thinking a lot and I realized that I have changed a lot in the past year and actually not in a rut at all. Quite the opposite.

In the past year I had something I wrote performed on the Los Angeles stage and another piece filmed. I acted for the first time in years, and for the first time in 10 years I actually got behind the camera and filmed a film. I helped (some might say saved) a political theatre production. I decorated my first loft for a client ever!

I started a career this past year and made huge forward movement to the point that I am getting paid to write for television—something I would have never guessed would have happened this time last year. I took risks with the jobs I went after and succeeded each time.

In terms of my love life, I realized that my heart still works and that I don’t have to believe that the right one doesn’t exist. I had 2 of the most romantic moments of my life in the past year because I was honest and went after what I want as opposed to just talking about it. Did I get everything I wanted out of the situation—no but I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid to go after bright and shiny boys. That is huge for me.

My friendships grew so much, not only with new people in my life but with people I never thought it was possible. I was honest and risked one of my best friendships by saying what I felt and needed from her and we both grew closer because of it.

And I was honest and open with people in a way I never thought I could be. I owned my personal history and risked a lot by telling all my truths and realized that I am loved despite all my faults. It was my biggest fear and I got beyond it and grew stronger for it.

So am I in a rut? I don’t believe so at all. I think this past year has been one of the hardest, scariest, and riskiest but it was worth it. And I guess I just want the people I love to try and move forward too. It made me sad to watch people make choices that weren’t making them happy and there is nothing I can do to help them and that is why I need to stay away for a bit. I don’t want to judge the people I love.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

30 things to do before the inauguration:

1. Get that abortion you've always wanted.
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
3. Cash your social security check.
4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
8. Hoard gasoline.
9. Practice a religion of your own choosing.
10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.
11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it now.
12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
14. Stay out late before the curfews start.
15. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident".
16. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.
17. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America".
18. If you're white - marry a black person, if you're black - marry a white person.
19. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a base-jumper.
20. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
21. Start your school day without a prayer.
22. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
23. Learn French.
24. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
25. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
26. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
27. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
28. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
29. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill".
30. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State

Friday, December 10, 2004

Random Discoveries

Random Discoveries Various people have been asking what happened with the Chance situation and I have been very light on the details of what went down. I guess because I was disappointed by what I thought happened and now that I know what really went down, well… When Chance and I hung out on Halloween Night everything seemed really good and fun and just moving forward. Later that night as I left, Joy and I discussed how Chance seemed into me and Joy talked about Chance and her conversation when I was gone. The conversation was about me not having a car or cell phone and Chance couldn’t believe that. Now I’m not an idiot—I realized when I didn’t hear from Chance that this conversation was probably the biggest clue as to why. The “not having a car” can be a big no selling point about me—especially when it comes to dating. So I just chalked it up to that and I couldn’t really blame him. It wasn’t until recently that I got any idea as to how he found this all out. That it was just kind of bluntly told to him by Anita in a random social setting. That is was just kind of thrown at him in a “Why am I here? Cause Rory needed a ride to come and see you.” This is important in a major way. When it comes to telling people about my car deal I tend to go about it in a particular way. For me it’s not a huge deal most of the time—I can get places easily in most cases and have figured out how to live this way without much complication and I tell people as much. In other words, I may not have a car but I still get around and have a great time, great jobs and even a great social life. And this is not a lie. But most people if they learn this info by accident or from the wrong people hear it like this—Rory can’t go cause he can’t get there. Rory doesn’t do that because he can’t find a way there. And this comes across as a limitation of huge proportions. It’s not. Now in terms of Chance, I just assumed that this was his excuse not to try and pursue anything with me, and what I mean by excuse is this—Chance is shy and not very forthcoming in some ways. He knew Lizzie for 4years before he told her he was gay—he is younger than me by a couple of years—he is still working on getting comfortable with being gay. I know that he hasn’t ever had a boyfriend so I just assumed he saw this as a way out. But now I wonder if he, because of how Anita told him about the car stuff, if he thinks that I’m incapable of doing stuff and he didn’t want to get all caught up. That I would be a dead weight due to the lack of a car and so he just decided not to get too attached because it would be a huge hurdle. Because that is not true at all. I guess this is a hard thing to explain—that the way Chance found out the car thing is more important than the car thing itself. It like being told someone’s pregnant. It can be told as a positive or told in a negative light. I just assumed that Chance had found out the car thing in a positive way and used it as an excuse to not try anything as opposed to hearing it as a Rory’s incapable of doing things and being misled that the car situation would be his fault or issue to deal with. I guess it doesn’t matter—he’s not that into to me if he wasn’t willing to try. And I’m a loser for even thinking about him at all—much less for wanting to go to his concert on the 18th.
celebrity polyhusbandry

Defination of the Week. I found this-- "A celebrity husband is the adult version of the star crush you had as a teenager. But it's a lot more fun, since you no longer have to beg your parents for outrageously expensive front-row tickets. It's completely appropriate to have a celebrity husband and already be legally married (as I am). It's also perfectly OK to have more than one celebrity husband (aka celebrity polyhusbandry). Trust me, they don't mind." Who's yours?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Quote of the Week

Quote of the Week This week's winner is Joy with-- "I'm FEMinem" In regards to being a female rapper.
My Babydaddy Does An Interview....

Dominic Monaghan currently plays Charlie, the burned-out rocker stranded on an isle of the damned on ABC's Lost. But as the Dec. 14 release of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Special Extended DVD Version approaches, we're bringing him back to his life and times as Frodo's fellow hobbit, Merry Brandybuck. Specifically, TV Guide Online wants the scoop on those gay rumors — both on-screen and off. Was there ever anything behind Frodo and Sam's legendary longing looks? And just how close were boon companions Merry and Pippin? Or were those hairy-footed hobbits — and their cute portrayers — just friends? Here, Monaghan dishes the dirt.

TV Guide Online: You've got a big female fan base. Are you still unattached?
Dominic Monaghan: I am. I'm working so much. I still enjoy female company, but in terms of anything really serious, that's not really where my head's at.

TVGO: Your good pal Billy Boyd (Pippin) has a serious girlfriend, right?
Monaghan: Yes, Billy's been seeing the same girl now for about three years, which is terribly heartbreaking to me. No more long winter nights together like we used to. No, that's not true.





TVGO: Um, since you brought it up...
Monaghan: There's been scandalous gay rumors like that flying around me and Elijah [Wood], and me and Billy. I remember reading in the press that I had stayed at Elijah's house — and [that] we had made up some rumor that I was seeing Elijah's sister, so that Elijah and I could continue our lurid affair with each other. It cracks us both up.

TVGO: Wow!
Monaghan: And then there's stuff about me and Billy being lovers because we're such good friends. It's an interesting thing, because you look at Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler, actresses who are tight [friends]. There's never any stuff like "Oooh, maybe they're gay." But with guys, it's like the media and the fans can't come to terms with the fact that guys can be so connected in that way. We can be overjoyed to be in each other's company.

TVGO: Playing hobbits probably helped the rumors. The joke goes like this: Why are hobbits like Englishmen?
Monaghan: Why?

TVGO: They sure seem gay.
Monaghan: (Laughs) That's a great joke! But sure, there's a connection. Hobbits are very openhearted. They're very genuine. They're very pure with their emotions. If they feel love, they show it. If they're sad, they cry. [Director] Pete [Jackson] cast four hobbits who were very open with their emotions. I do love Billy and Elijah and Sean [Astin]. They're my brothers. I'd do anything for them, and I really enjoy being in their space and I miss them when they're not around. If that for some reason is translated into being gay, then I think that's a real shame.

TVGO: Ah, but let's quiz you on some interesting hobbit lore: Where did Pippin and Merry die in the books?
Monaghan: They leave the Shire and they go to Rohan to give their tribute to the kings there. And then, they go to Gondor and they see Faramir and Eowyn. I think they both die in Gondor and are buried next to each other, which is a really beautiful thing.

TVGO: Right you are, Dom. Right you are. Hmm...
Random Discoveries

Various people have been asking what happened with the Chance situation and I have been very light on the details of what went down. I guess because I was disappointed by what I thought happened and now that I know what really went down, well…

When Chance and I hung out on Halloween Night everything seemed really good and fun and just moving forward. Later that night as I left, Joy and I discussed how Chance seemed into me and Joy talked about Chance and her conversation when I was gone. The conversation was about me not having a car or cell phone and Chance couldn’t believe that.

Now I’m not an idiot—I realized when I didn’t hear from Chance that this conversation was probably the biggest clue as to why. The “not having a car” can be a big no selling point about me—especially when it comes to dating. So I just chalked it up to that and I couldn’t really blame him.

It wasn’t until recently that I got any idea as to how he found this all out. That it was just kind of bluntly told to him by Anita in a random social setting. That is was just kind of thrown at him in a “Why am I here? Cause Rory needed a ride to come and see you.” This is important in a major way.

When it comes to telling people about my car deal I tend to go about it in a particular way. For me it’s not a huge deal most of the time—I can get places easily in most cases and have figured out how to live this way without much complication and I tell people as much. In other words, I may not have a car but I still get around and have a great time, great jobs and even a great social life.

And this is not a lie. But most people if they learn this info by accident or from the wrong people hear it like this—Rory can’t go cause he can’t get there. Rory doesn’t do that because he can’t find a way there. And this comes across as a limitation of huge proportions. It’s not.

Now in terms of Chance, I just assumed that this was his excuse not to try and pursue anything with me, and what I mean by excuse is this—Chance is shy and not very forthcoming in some ways. He knew Lizzie for 4years before he told her he was gay—he is younger than me by a couple of years—he is still working on getting comfortable with being gay. I know that he hasn’t ever had a boyfriend so I just assumed he saw this as a way out.

But now I wonder if he, because of how Anita told him about the car stuff, if he thinks that I’m incapable of doing stuff and he didn’t want to get all caught up. That I would be a dead weight due to the lack of a car and so he just decided not to get too attached because it would be a huge hurdle. Because that is not true at all.

I guess this is a hard thing to explain—that the way Chance found out the car thing is more important than the car thing itself. It like being told someone’s pregnant. It can be told as a positive or told in a negative light. I just assumed that Chance had found out the car thing in a positive way and used it as an excuse to not try anything as opposed to hearing it as a Rory’s incapable of doing things and being misled that the car situation would be his fault or issue to deal with.

I guess it doesn’t matter—he’s not that into to me if he wasn’t willing to try. And I’m a loser for even thinking about him at all—much less for wanting to go to his concert on the 18th.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Defination of the Week.

I found this--

"A celebrity husband is the adult version of the star crush you had as a teenager. But it's a lot more fun, since you no longer have to beg your parents for outrageously expensive front-row tickets. It's completely appropriate to have a celebrity husband and already be legally married (as I am). It's also perfectly OK to have more than one celebrity husband (aka celebrity polyhusbandry). Trust me, they don't mind."

Who's yours?

Monday, December 06, 2004

VACATION

So I’m taking a social vacation. And if you offended by that—well you probably the reason I’m taking one. It isn’t one person or event; it isn’t a pinpoint in time or a seasonal thing. It’s a combination of bad behavior, selfish deeds and reruns of a pathetic nature. It’s watching the same people make the same mistakes—going home with people who won’t like them or working every guy in the room until one is willing to go home with you. It’s watching smart people through themselves at drunken fools and believing that that is the high point of the evening. It’s realizing that you have to be careful who you talk to because Valeska isn’t speaking to Jennifer or Kelly and Lizzie have tension and are playing popularity games. It’s the “friends” who don’t care about the people they claim to like and instead want to make it all about them. It’s about people who are repeating old patterns and recreating old drama with past hook ups that don’t like them and new crushes that never will. It’s the drunken person at the party who always wants to be your friend yet they backstab you by telling lies or secrets. It’s not getting invited to the big events or even getting a phone call or e-mail from your “best friends”. It’s about always doing what they want all the time at the same place. It’s watching them make out with 50 year olds and then acting surprised. It’s about people who refuse to grow up or change or get help and yet they still want you to deal with their drama. It’s enough. I’m tired of care taking, getting the late night phone calls, playing doctor to all your problems—the same problems that you refuse to change. So I’m taking a break—as of this Saturday I will be dropping off the social scene. I need to find something more fulfilling and less sad then watching people I love just hurt themselves in the all ways they can. I’m getting older and am seeing more of what I don’t want out of life. So I’m gonna go off for a bit and see the world. Even if it is no further than Los Angeles there is still a lot more to see than this cable access “Melrose Place”. I’m sorry if any feelings have been hurt by this but you are reading my journal. At your own risk.
I'm a Bitch!!!

OHMIGOD--I'm A BITCH!!! I just sent this e-mail to Jeremy--the ghost of Xmas Past--as now. We have totally hooked up before--this time last year as a matter of fact. Were you the guy that was asking me to help find him a job and had the boyfriend living with you and then dumped? Whoa--I think I am offically tired of men's bullshit! His response? I don't think so And then he sends me his pix which is the same one I have from last year... I am so debating letting him come over and just not doing anything with him--pulling a Kelly just to blue ball him!
VACATION

So I’m taking a social vacation. And if you offended by that—well you probably the reason I’m taking one. It isn’t one person or event; it isn’t a pinpoint in time or a seasonal thing. It’s a combination of bad behavior, selfish deeds and reruns of a pathetic nature.

It’s watching the same people make the same mistakes—going home with people who won’t like them or working every guy in the room until one is willing to go home with you. It’s watching smart people through themselves at drunken fools and believing that that is the high point of the evening.

It’s realizing that you have to be careful who you talk to because Valeska isn’t speaking to Jennifer or Kelly and Lizzie have tension and are playing popularity games. It’s the “friends” who don’t care about the people they claim to like and instead want to make it all about them.

It’s about people who are repeating old patterns and recreating old drama with past hook ups that don’t like them and new crushes that never will. It’s the drunken person at the party who always wants to be your friend yet they backstab you by telling lies or secrets.

It’s not getting invited to the big events or even getting a phone call or e-mail from your “best friends”. It’s about always doing what they want all the time at the same place. It’s watching them make out with 50 year olds and then acting surprised.

It’s about people who refuse to grow up or change or get help and yet they still want you to deal with their drama. It’s enough. I’m tired of care taking, getting the late night phone calls, playing doctor to all your problems—the same problems that you refuse to change.

So I’m taking a break—as of this Saturday I will be dropping off the social scene. I need to find something more fulfilling and less sad then watching people I love just hurt themselves in the all ways they can. I’m getting older and am seeing more of what I don’t want out of life.

So I’m gonna go off for a bit and see the world. Even if it is no further than Los Angeles there is still a lot more to see than this cable access “Melrose Place”. I’m sorry if any feelings have been hurt by this but you are reading my journal. At your own risk.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Quote of the Week

This week's winner is Joy with--

"I'm FEMinem"

In regards to being a female rapper.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Just Shoot Me Already

Just Shoot Me Already So things are getting better—between the surprise amount of random e-mails, a sweet message from Chloe and Lucy and a midnight visit with Ruby and things just seemed to clear up all around. That and now I feel like I have such a great grasp on my job and feel like I can get it down and moving forward. That within itself makes the job great regardless how long it lasts so I guess that’s good…. But I am feeling like a want a boyfriend—crap—I’m one of those people

Thursday, December 02, 2004

OHMIGOD--I'm A BITCH!!!

I just sent this e-mail to Jeremy--the ghost of Xmas Past--as now.

We have totally hooked up before--this time last year as a matter of fact. Were you the guy that was asking me to help find him a job and had the boyfriend living with you and then dumped?

Whoa--I think I am offically tired of men's bullshit!

His response?

I don't think so

And then he sends me his pix which is the same one I have from last year... I am so debating letting him come over and just not doing anything with him--pulling a Kelly just to blue ball him!
Just Shoot Me Already

So things are getting better—between the surprise amount of random e-mails, a sweet message from Chloe and Lucy and a midnight visit with Ruby and things just seemed to clear up all around.

That and now I feel like I have such a great grasp on my job and feel like I can get it down and moving forward. That within itself makes the job great regardless how long it lasts so I guess that’s good….

But I am feeling like a want a boyfriend—crap—I’m one of those people…