Loss For Words

I havent been able to write for awhile...

I cant blame it on the job or working on the novel, the social life hasnt been more than usual and I havent been sick or out of town... At least not much

The problem is I feel like I cant say anything right now

...

I feel like my hands have been tied by circumstances beyond my control... Part of the real reason I stay away from my blog is I'm afraid what I want to say will hurt people or be used against me at a later date. Somehow this has become less about my words and feelings and more about protecting others over myself.

I dont think that is a good thing

Part of what my journaling, blogging, whatver has helped me to do is clear my head, put things together through prose and make sense of myself... But I have also been hyper aware of not exposing others, hurting others or even talking about others... That's why there is nicknames and innuendo at times--to protect people.

But who's protecting me?

I just have had a rough couple of days and dont feel like I have any outlets I can trust to work things out in my head... Maybe I'm being overly dramatic but i just feel all tied up. It's not comfortable and makes me wonder if I need to bury this log and start over elsewhere with no connection to myself so I can speak freely.

I'm at a loss.