Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Number Escapes Me

Two Plus Weeks

So I fell off the non-smoking wagon a bit back due to various reasons but the biggest being I didn't really want to quit so I just made excuses... Lots of excuses... But now I am finally on track and feeling so proud of myself--I think the fake cigarette helps with the social anxiety aspect while the patches keep the cravings for nicotine away....

But the biggest part that has helped me with this is my job. Oddly enough I started to realize that who I was becoming during detox from the nicotine--the moody, mean, and messy bitch--was so similar to the people I watch for my show. Junkies coming off heroin, all that pain and misery, who then go back to using and put themselves through the cycle again... Which only hurts the people they love, makes they sick and wastes everyone's time.

I was doing the same thing

And once I realized that I was putting Johnno, my co-workers and sometimes my roommates through that cycle I made the decision to stop. To stop hurting them and myself by doing the same thing when I know I am smart enough to change.

Which really did change everything. Guess it is true what they say--you cannot quit until ready.

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