Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Fiancee and the Reality Showboy

As aprt of our trip out of town Johnno and I decided the weekend of the lesbian wedding would make a great kick off to playing our own. We would have a cabin to oursleves and the isolation from the rest of the weekend's events to pour over planning manuals, make lists and figure out the details that would matter to us.

One of the funny things about the hotel is that it has a rumors of being haunted. There is a handful of cabins where Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra, and the Kennedy brothers used to stay. Johnno was not real thrilled at the idea of huanted spaces or ghosts--

Of course the only cabin availible was the Marilyn Monroe cabin. Haunted by hers truly--due to the rumor that she actually died there instead of in LA. I was thrilled of course--I was hugely in Monroe growing up and I always love a chance to spook the hell out of the boy. Not one of his favorite things.

Here are some pictures to give you an idea of the space.

Of course the first thing I did was explore the one room cabin. I found the weak spot in the floor where the old secret tunnel used to come into the cabin. The rumor was that our cabin and the two next to us all had tunnels underneath that innterconnected between each other and the casino. The reason being that if the place was raided people could get from Nevada to California secretly. And while there was a tour of the tunnels--we didn't have time to go.

Though I did have time to try and set my phone ring to a spooky recording of Marilyn singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." It didn't work and Johnno probably would have made me the second ghost of the cabin.

Of course the irony was not lost on me of trying to plan the wedding in a room that was haunted by a well doucmented loser at love. I decided bad juju be damned--we had work to do.

So Johnno and I stocked up on food and spent the better part of Saturday evening hashing out ideas and lists. The one thing that kept coming up was how hard it was going to be to pay for a wedding. I know it is snotty--but I couldn't help but feel resentful that unlike a straight wedding--it became clear that neither of us would have any parental money for the event. It stressed me out.

Money is one of the biggest issues in my life. I am in a good financial place with little debt--everything is like a Desitny's Child song cause it's mine, I buy it and I depened on me. So the idea of having to somehow come up with thousand of dollars made me so edgy and nervous that we didn't really nail down much in terms of cost.

But we did manage to work out a guestlist, the list of people for the bridal/groom parties, the ways we would like to try and include some other people in the ceremony. We came up with some unexpected choices which will be great if they work out--unusal things that are true to us and the relationships in our lives.

What took me by surprise was how much I freaked out over the family aspect of the wedding planning. Not so much Johnno's family--that is his battle to pick and choose--but my own. I have always been a bit removed from my family--more by circumstance than choice--but suddenly it became clear to me how hard this situation was going to be.

To try and balance my mother and my father, my stepfather's family versus the other families, picking who I would like to be there and who I don't want. I was emtional and found myself very locked up. It is going to be hard and I am not sure what to do and how not to offend.

But at least I am glad that there is no family money in the mix--paying our own way means it is on us and us alone. I like to think that Marilyn was guiding that school of thought--that to create one's own moments in life is what gives it meaning. And even if it doesn't work out exactly right--it is ours to make and own.

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