Be Who You Are--Not Who You Were.strong>

So I am planning a party.

I hate parties.

I don't hate the act of parties--the music, clothes, dancing, socializing.... These are all things I like. But I hate the drama that comes with putting together the event. Part of me thinks it is because I never like being the center of attention, the one in focus but the other part of me thinks it is about my doubts and insecurities as a person.

I have some.

But a few weeks ago I was hanging out with the BB people--even with me no longer on the show I still make an effort to head out for their weekly drinks. The people on the show have become friends and a part of my life in unexpected ways. It's not normally something that happens with people I work with.

Not sure why.

I decided to randomly invite a bunch of the people from that world to the party that Kelly is throwing for my birthday. I was surprised at how quickly I got positive answers and how many people wanted to come. I don't ever think of myself as someone who gets that type of attention.

There is always a part of me that is still the small town boy from Pepperell--the kid who never went out on the weekends, never attended Homecoming, never needed to worry about overbooking. My life has changed in some many ways since then but at the end of the day--alone with myself--that is how I see things. Still working towards making people like me, doing everything I can to make people like me, never needed or wanted but just a part of the scenary.

But the truth is I am not that person anymore. I do have people who care about me, miss me when I am not around, who care and want to do for me. I have to learn to embrace that fact and embrace that person. I don't mean to say I'm the belle of the ball, or someone who needs all eyes on him but I am not ingored or lonely either.

I have trust in that and act accordingly.