Pointless But Not


10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Wrong

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Moving On Seems Unfair

This weekend was a weird combination of things—nothing about it seems well planned or easy or even about me. I just skimmed through things with little involvement beyond the moment. I found myself in the middle of things just wondering about Edie and how she is and what can I do to help her. It was hard to focus on the day to day.

I mean I had fun--at points--with people in bars and shops and food courts for all sorts of reasons that were happy and needy and interesting. I raised glasses with Davis over Barb, laughed at Lola’s silliness with Erykah while listening to truly bad karaoke with the Persian Pussy Posse in a strip mall and spent my Friday with all the right people in the right moods with the right drinks at the right bar.

And yet there were so many moments where I was caught up in the unfairness of things and how they just end. That everything is more fragile than we think and somehow even we see how quickly things can change; we don’t. That we spend so much time navel gazing and over thinking or being upset and petty over the nothings of life. It seems so worthless.

But what surprised me was how easily things just roll on and don’t stop when someone dies. And all I can do is catch myself thinking of Barb and her family and wondering why things can’t just stop for a moment. And I’m not even Edie.

Like I have said, I can’t begin to understand at all.

There Are No Words

My best friend--someone I consider my sister--just lost her mother early Thanksgiving morning to a cancer related heart condition. It's impossible to be even begin to understand or put into any frame of reference and this makes me feel useless and a very cold comfort for Jen and her siblings.

I couldn't help thinking of not only Jen but her mother during the course of my holiday. As I laughed and ate and sang and did all the normal holiday things--how much she loved all the trappings of the season. Of how kind and gracious and genuine and sweet Barb was--how much she was the mother that we would all want. About how all the times I spoke with her or saw her and how included and important she made me feel.

That each of her children are so like her in many ways. Open and free spirited, always with a smile and a joke and a sense of adventure and curiosity about everyone and everything. She was someone special and will be dearly missed.

I'm glad that she passed peacefully and that her pain was finally over. Barb Eddy will most definitely be missed.

Anything else I could say seems so secondary.

A Lovely Night

So I have had a few drinks so excuse me if this goes astray. Tonight is the start of my holiday and if this evening was any preview then it shall be quite fun. Ruby, Heath, Kirby, myself and a bunch of their group headed out for drinks at this little hole in the wall bar called the White Horse to celebrate pre-Thanksgiving in all it's glory.

Kirby and I had a nice conversation about the boy and how I feel about it and where it is going. (It's going places but not at the moment.) It's weird how everything in my life seems to be shifting into place with a job I like--though long hours- and a boy that is nifty-though too soon to get too catch up--and a good vibe with all my friends. (If I could get my family in on this then that would be good.) But I am still waiting for a shoe to be dropped somewhere but I refuse to over think it.

I was also very happy about how great Kirby seems to be as of late. She is becoming so much more in control and happy and just fun and I am very very grateful for this. I mean, she is one of my favorite people and seeing her rise to the occasion is just awesome.

That and I was able to have fun and much chit chat with people who usually put me on edge. I am letting go of what I feel like I should be like and just being myself. A cool hat helps though and I felt and was told I look great. I think it is the glow.

And of course that is because of a sweet e-mail from Sam which just shored up that we are kind of feeling the same way toward each other about everything as of late. It's just lends it self to a great place and helped make a great night.

Lovely indeed.

Work or What is the Point?


Seriously--I have nothing to do today--at all. I am here because there might be a phone call that I might need to take to make the show work but until them I am listening to the Bee Gees and so bored that I have been cleaning my desktop for hours.

What is worse is I feel bad about this even though there is really nothing i can do at the moment at all. So pointless.

I don't know why I am here and well--there are better things I could do. Like laundry or the bank or shop...

Okay--off to reread my e-mail.

Yeah-This Makes Me Feel Good


Speaking of connections: Expect one to develop fast and furiously -- but don't get comfortable. You're due to meet someone under quite unusual circumstances -- someone who'll make a major impact on your life, even though they may not be around for long at all. Your best bet is to enjoy this person for as long as they're in the neighborhood, and learn the lesson (about freedom) they're here to teach you. Just don't expect them to be permanent faces in your scrapbook.

Feeling Fat--Not Fit.

Okay--I know I am crazy but this is how I feel today



It is all because of a picture from Saturday and Ali's birthday--one where I look like I hate a small city and then smoked a bowl afterwards. Really unflattering but of course made Lola look great so it will make the new calender and surprise me some random month.

I know I am nuts here. I know.

I just need to eat better for a bit. No carbs for a while. No bread at all. Because no one should look like the bad guy from a second rate cartoon.

It's So Crazy I'm Out of Order

So I have blogged this past weekend in bits and pieces--ignoring certain things for no other reason then I am not sure how to own them. The truth is I am quite scared of all the ways I found myself feeling this weekend but not in a bad way. It's just--I don't know how to handle the idea of being happy much less the fact that I have been pretty much glowing this past two days.

Really.

Glowing.

I know.

And of course it is a over a guy--a guy that I think is pretty nifty and an amazing kisser and all shades of wow and sexy and comfortable and I just really like him. Lots. Probably lots more than I should at this step of the game. I can't even sum up a full account of how it was; it is just a collection of small great moments.

Like how easy it was to let him hold my hand--no over thinking it, just allowing it to happen. The weird moment when our eye met and it was crazy sexy intense and we just burst into laughter for no reason. How we talked for 2 hours on Friday about all of my favorite things and his favorite things and while sometimes I felt lost--I didn't mind at all. I just think he is adorkable--his word.

And so now I just have to sit back and wait. For my head to put the pieces in order. To make sense of everything. But it still spins me around too much. I just might be crazy.

And I'm kind of okay with that.

So Good it Needed a Guest Blogger
by kelly

"it's 3m and tim is passed out on my floor snuggle with brandyu who was making out with him earlier, and some other guy. She also called RDT to find out if he's ever had sex and blamed it on Royr. CRick's passing out in Kat's room with Nicolas in the way and Becky;'s snuggling with Loren in the kitchen. Roxanne's passed out on the couch and I'k m ty[ing. WJeneedddy's got a lighter which is frightening alonme but with the other goings on makes perfect sense. MIssy;'s trashed and we have HJope enisteing back. Fun for all! I wish my Raj was here/ : ) We've all eaten Chinese food made by Jen."

LOLOLOL. I love when my friends drunk type.

What i did for kicks

I had to get up at 6am on Saturday-for work. this is not cool, just going in to sign off on a package and that was it. no other reason for me to be in but that no one else could do it. so i sat outside and just waited. i brought a notebook and did some work on my novel and worked out some kinks.

but th other thing i did was make lists. of sam versus chance. pro/con type of thing. very interesting and weird how much they don't make sense with me. and how much i like the attention. and one boy in particular. who i talked to for almost two hours last night.

yikes. it's reasons like this that i should sleep in. too much thought makes me crazy.

Quote of the Week.

This comes from Kirby-a vrigin to this honor.

"A temp is the rebound in job relationship terms."

LOLOLOL. Thanks

A Side Note

Я думаю я действительно как хоббит. Я надеюсь, что он любит меня столько, сколько я делаю его. Вздохи имеются в большом количестве

Old Friends—New Responsibilities

So last night Edie and I went out for dinner over in Pasadena. Being roommates sometimes means having to go on location to really catch up and since I hadn't seen her since the announcement about her mother--we had a lot to talk about.

It's weird--in some ways my life has been very over the top with divorces, dysfunction and the drama but I have never really had that much of an experience with death. Outside of my younger brother who died young and when I was young--for the most part I have little dealings with that subject.

And now with everything going on with Edie's mom I just find it hard to know what to say because there is so much I want to say and do and I just don't want to make her think too much about it or make her think I care too little about it.

That being said--I am brushing up on my dumb blond act so that I can be silly and foolish and a distraction as long as she needs. It seems to be working out well now and as long as stupid things keep happening then I'll have plenty of materials to use. It's seems important to make her laugh as much as she can.

The other stuff will be much harder. But she is like family for me so I will try to be there as much as she’ll let me. Hopefully that can be enough.

I'm Freaking Joey Potter

So I checked my voicemail last night when at work. One message is a very cute one from Sam talking about how much fun he had on our date, that he would love to see me again and how he had to get off the phone before he made himself into a dork. I was giggling the whole time at my desk.

The second message was from--CHANCE! Out of the blue and apologzing for dropping of the face of the earth and how I should call him so we can hang out. I felt like I had been slapped and according to my co-worker Alicia--I looked it too.

So now I am going to I guess just play through... I'm so Katie Holmes in 'Dawson's Creek'--does this mean I have to eventually hook up with Tom Cruise? (And why does this not seem that hard at all?)

Are Hobbits Bestiality?



So I went on a date with Sam yesterday. I just decided that I had to do it for a million reasons--because I had him on the back burner for too long, because he seemed cool, because I was bored and needed to take a chance. So I called him up and told him that we would be going out for coffee. He wanted me to take control and I did.

I always forget that I hate the first date--there is always this odd moment of nerves and silences and eagerness that you can't really hide. We had coffee at my favorite cafe and just talked and talked and walked and walked--we had a good flow but wasn't sure if it was a friend one or a romantic one.

After 3 hours--I know, way too long--we ended up walking back to his car. I was cold and had to go to the bathroom and was meeting up with people to plan Dominic's party and so I needed to end the date. It had reached a good stopping point.

So I tried to gently close the date off with the 'I'm cold' and off came his jacket and on me. So then I tried to explain about needing to meet up with my friends, which he totally understood and asked if he could call later which I said he could. And then I handed him back his jacket at his car and we just stood there.

I think the 10th circle of hell would be just a series of first date but only the last moment--when you have to figure out if you hug or shake hands or kiss. Instead we just both stared for several beats--several beats to long. Finally I had to break the moment and take a step back. Then Sam stepped forward and said 'what the fuck.'

And we kissed. It was quite amazing and good and surprising and romantic. And we just stared at each other and I was like--'cool'. And then I turned to leave as he got in the car. I took a step and then I heard 'oh shit' and he spun me around and we kissed in the middle of the sidewalk. People had to part around us and we broke away and stared at each other and Sam was all 'I'm not like this' and I was like 'I don't mind.'

And then I walked away and I was all dewy and glowy and then I hear 'okay--I'm not crazy but one more time'. And as I turned around he had run up a full block to catch up with me--kissed me like fully on middle of the street with a little dip in it and then he righted said- ‘okay, and me up going home now'.

And as I caught my breath and started to make my feet finally move, one of my neighbors just stared at me and then laughed. Told me I should enjoy it because it is not always like that.

Don't I know it--but how cool is it that could be that?

I like him."

Exchange of the Week or Things Said at Work

Doug walks up with a new staff member as Elita and I search for a sound bite.

Doug "And this is Rory--he's our little piñata of joy. (BEAT as Elita and I turn to stare at him) You just want beat him with a big stick and see what comes out. "

(Longer BEAT as Elita and I stare at him.)

Me "You know that sounds like sex harassment."

Elita "Or a hate crime."

Doug "I like to think it is a little bit of both."

I Love T-Shirt Hell.

Quote of the week

Chloe regarding gay celebs

"although if a drunken rufus wainwright lost his gay marbles and wanted
to put them in my pants, i would NOT say no."

This Woman Might Ruin My Life



Really--who would have thought I'd say that?

Fun For the Bored At Work

WHAT IS IN A NAME

...my PORN STAR NAME
(grandparent of same gender's first name favorite snack):
Lawrence Pop Tart

...my MOVIE STAR NAME
(name of FIRST pet and street you grew up on)
Eightball WIlliams

...my "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first initial Last three letters of your last name):
R'Lap

...my DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal name of high school mascot):
Lion Patriot

...my SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name city where you were born):
Walter Cambridge

...my OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of sibling/parent [opposite sex] cell phone company you use):
Margurite

...my DRAG QUEEN NAME
(name of favorite fruit, and current street you live on):
Apple Moorpark

It's Sometimes Like A Tolstoy Moment



So this weekend was great. I had a lot of fun and managed to work in a lot of contentment, happiness and comfort. It was nice and weird and different and I enjoyed every second of it.

When I these sweet, joyful, unencumbered times though-I have a hard time being able to write about then. It's like the opening passage of 'Anna Karenina'--all happy moments are like one another; each unhappy moment is unhappy in it's own way. It becomes hard to make happiness interesting.

I could talk about how Edie, Dominic, Lizzie, Vedder, Valeska and I went out dancing hardcore Hollywood Nights style. About how we had too many drinks in a club that would look exactly like my bedroom except I have better lighting and less attitude. I could talk about how we took tons of ridicious pictures of each other, each other's cleavage and each other's side. About how excited we were when Willis finally arrived and just in time to do shots with some of us.

I could talk about how Lizzie almost got us thrown out of Jumbo's Clown Room for trying (and at one point) touching strippers and hollering about how hot the stripper was. I could talk about the sexy guy who was totally freaked out by Edie's Apache yell as she cheered out the dancing girls. Or how cool I felt as I rocked out in my little gay pimp necklace and just laughing as the wrong people made out and ugly girls got paid way too much.

I could talk about how Lizzie dropped it like it was hot at the after-hours club that Willis got us into, about how Dominic was grinding on the ladies and how Valeska and Vedder continued their dance of 'will they or won't they?'. (No worries-no emergency brunch.) About people peeing in the parking lot or the quote of the night.

"I'm DRUNK!"
"I'm GAY--both are pretty obvious."

But I won't go into detail--it is just enough that for that night I was happy and they were happy and we all had fun together. Of course the next day was rough for some people but at least no one made Baby Jesus cry.

(You know who you are.)

I'm Joycing Today

This is my favorite bad album cover of all time.



As you can obviously read--this is Joyce. Now some might mock this poor woman with the hair, those glasses, that outfit all combined to make something sad. But I don't see my Joyce (yes my Joyce) that way.

See, when I look at this cover all I can see is endless optimism in the face of near failure. This woman had to know that she wouldn't be a star, that this was not the look to shoot for and that it wouldn't pull in an audience yet she still did it. It is hopefully when the magic 8 ball (probably cropped out of the shot) should have pointed to no.

I like that idea. To smile bravely, throw on a colorful dress and just smile through the misery of it all. That we can all just take a tip from Miss Joyce here and just smile and get trhough it. It can't ever be this bad--that's the thought. And that's joycing.

My Day Was Funny, Funnier, Fucked

I was going to write about this--



and how it was funny and wrong and made me laugh and no-I am not going to buy but would not turn it down if a gift...

I was going to comment on this

"Pearl Harbor is also a sexual move. When you are fucking your partner from behind, you spit on their back. The unsuspecting foe, assuming you have already climaxed, then turns around and you cum in their face. The Pearl Harbor. What a lovely surprise attack!"

And how this was so wrong that I spit out my water across my desk and almost died and took out a computer with me.

But no--two words.

Bomb threat.

I Was Going to...



I was going to write some grand post about empowering and moving forward and being a voice of change--but then I thought about it. It wasn't what she would want.

The thing is--if you studied Rosa Parks, read any interviews or watched her speeches then you know she wasn't about this. That she was just a tired woman who didn't want to give up her seat that day--that there was no forethought's or planning or message behind her gesture. She was just one individual making a choice in that one moment of time. She didn't know how it would change everything.

In a way Rosa Parks is the most defining example of true social activism--that it isn't what you give speeches about or make posters for or the pin you wear on your jacket but rather the choices you make in the small moments of your life and whether you stand behind your beliefs or even just stand up for yourself. I wonder how many people can be that brave to face down the world.

I know she was.

The Trouble With Happy

So I knew going into this Halloween that it wouldn’t be fun. Regardless of how hard I tried and what precautions I took that nothing would compare to the happiness of last year. That I would not wake up November 1st feeling as if I had a chance to have everything I ever wanted all at once.

The thing is that you can never be as happy as you were the same time and the same way as before. I truly believe that happiness doesn’t come in happinesser—just happiness—a one time one size thing. There would be no boy at the party to surprise me, no midnight call to make him come back to the party to see me, no grand moment in the middle of West Hollywood with music and fanfare and the perfect kiss in the perfect place at the perfect moment. No way at all.

And thus I tried to trick myself—by hanging out with Ruby before the party instead of the big group hang out and dress up as in years past. By not really drinking at the party at all and instead of hanging with my friends—talking with every random person I could to try and pretend like I was just fabulous. By making myself busy and such a presence that I could pretend that last year didn’t happen.

That I spent Halloween night with Charity for the first part and the second part just wandering the parade with old friends from a life pretty far back in my past. With people who had no idea what happened last year and didn’t care when I let some strange cute white trash dressed Southern boy make out with me in the middle of the parade and in front of a certain band’s stage.

And to some degree it worked—for awhile I fooled myself into believing a lot of things. But I still woke up this morning a bit sad.

Whatever.

BDay Fun?

Your Birthdate: August 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path. But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well. Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences. The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married. You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?