Friday Jams

Friday Jams--WTF by Missy Elliott

I am OBSESSED with this video... It's been three year since Missy gave us something new to work with and it was worth the wait. Now I all I need is for her to do some concert dates and I could die a happy man.



Just the dancing on the hover boards alone is a reason to live

In the Pursuit of Interest

In the Pursuit of Interest

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about kids--most of my friends are at the age where they are starting their families so this is kind of been a recurring topic. And the conversation was about how you talk to kids, how you shouldn't just tell a girl they look pretty or to boys that they're  just brave-- that you should really think about how you address them and how they can read into those words.

I explained how I am always telling kids how clever they are because I think that that's a more powerful idea for them--based on intelligence more than gender roles . But we were also talking about what type of questions should you ask when they're a little older. More than "what toy is that" or "how old are you". Something more imaginative. 

I thought we should ask about what's interesting to them--encourage thought beyond the simple factual into the more creative. To see what they are starting to value as they come to understand that the world around the is more than food, toys, parents and Sesame Street, And as we dived deeper into the topic, my friend and I both realized that interesting was an odd word choice mostly because we don't talk to each other as adults that way.

And it's kind of true – – with most people the conversation is how's your job, your spouse, how's your kid, how's your dog? But outside of that--most people don't allow for more open ended conversation--I'm not much better though.. 

I don't know if it's just life after a certain age; you have a job, go home and make dinner, you play with your spouse/dog/kid, pay some bills, watch some TV, workout... And you do that about 4 to 5 days week so there's not much room for new things to connect with people on. Or is there?

So I've decided to experiment by not only doing more things outside of my schedule… But also opening more conversations with these interesting things and seeing people can meet me halfway. It's kind of like using my work skill set – – no yes no questions, no expected conversation points, and just trying to see what happens if I put the opportunity out there... Do people want to talk books, museums, yoga, documentaries?

So I benefit both by becoming more interesting myself but also opening more doors to interesting conversation with others. Maybe it will even inspire doing interesting things with different people which is always a good way to live.

Life Goal

Salt-n-peppa retweeted me.... Serious life goal accomplished!!!

Where Are They Wednesday Salt-n-Peppa

I have always been obsessed with female rappers… JJ fad, Queen Latifah, Erykah Badu, Missy.... I found their hooks more melodic, the social issues they threw down for more my speed and it was just so cool

And that world was ruled by two queens and an empress AKA Salt-n-P with Spinderella... They  rapped about sexuality with wit, they were street and clever,  and their obsession with 70s soul riffs move their music even more of the hood...

And their hits were classic--push it, what a man, Shoop… (I have more friends who know the lyrics to that song than know the pledge allegiance)

But where they really shine it's on their lesser hits like tramp, aint nobodys business, and  my mic sounds nice...

Then one day they went away.

There were so many rumors about what happened… Spinderella felt ignored and undervalued by the band, Peppa was too sexually explicit once Salt found Jesus, and finally Salt was diagnosed with lupus which was incredible energy drain on her ability to perform.

And in someway each of these things was true – – just not to the extent that it would keep the band down forever. And for that we have to thank Geico

Turns out time changed some of the resentment between the girls and also allowed salt to get her lupus into a more manageable place. But in the time it took that to happen  the group worried that the scene had changed, they weren't the same people, and would it even work with an audience?

But Geico helped them to realize people were clamoring for their return and now they've started doing small sets in concert showcases. And this past weekend I was able to see them perform in Anaheim.

To say they were good is an understatement, to say they still have it would imply they lost it and quite frankly I cried because it was so… Amazing

I won't say it was perfect – – you could see that salt had to take breaks periodically during the easement set… They didnt perform all their songs top to bottom which I think has to do with some of the sex stuff but all three were there and top of their game-- having the time of their lives

And it looks like they are going to continue to do small sets here or there for a while… I'm already planning to see them in April… You should look them up

Fashion Friday: A Light Jog

I'm This fall/winter I have become more and more obsessed with jogger pants… If you had told me when this trend tarted that I would stop looking at them as sloppy sweatpants and begin to incorporate them more into my wardrobe I would have laughed at you.

Thing is they are very comfortable and with designers putting them in materials such as khaki or denim they've become something super easy to work in the wardrobe...

But now I'm getting obsessed with them in the prints – –which can be too similar to Jam pants from the 90s.

Like these pants from Rage On--they're bright, fun. casual but still high quality… The way to make them fashionable though takes a bit more effort; it's not the type of pants you can just wear flip-flops T-shirt with because outside of a brunch it will look super casual and possibly super sloppy

So then how to wear them? 

With something like this you want to wear a more formal top like a solid button-down shirt all the way buttoned to the top of collar. You could also do a denim button-down – – and the shirts can also be short-sleeved as long as they're collared and button-down. 

The truly creative with a nice neck can give the turtleneck a chance. (this is not me)

And because it's winter, I would say pairing them with a cardigan or sweater--both in solids--would be appropriate and not too busy. But no sneakers with thislook--boots, loafers, high-end slip-ons, even construction boots would be a better look towards keeping you from being AC Slater 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

But the final key to this luck is really keeping whatever piece you pair it with high-quality and strictly stylized… Not uncomfortable or overly formal but intentional --and not too loose or ragged looking.

The comfort alone will make it worth the extra styling effort.

SO COMFORTABLE

Book Whore: Dolores by Jacqueline Susann

Book Whore: Dolores by Jacqueline Susann 

When  it comes to Jacqueline Susann it is easy to just think "Valley of the Dolls"--the classic damnation of drugs, Hollywood and the 60s... It is a book near perfect in it's capturing of the excess and ambitions of the period, the type of calling card some authors spend their lives hoping for. Because of that, it is easy to ignore the rest of her works which is a shame because she grew more interesting and more faceted as she went.

Dolores is one of her shortest novels, her final one, barely finished before she passed away from cancer. It is her trickiest novel, a thinly veiled tell-all about a first lady widowed, a fashion plate left adrift in her grief and what she does to bounce back. Susann had the taste to acknowledge the similarities to Jacqueline Kennedy by making several pointed references to her story as being similar...

But Dolores also stands on it's own as an indictment against wealth and excess, a fable about what happens when you have everything around you but nothing inside you. It is a glamorous and sexy as her previous works but also more jaded, more self aware and more raw because of it. Dolores is a beach read for the hipster, the ironic and the rubberneckers of society.

It's a hell of a note to go out on,

Truths

Truths

I've been depressed.

This isnt just casual sadness, the little waves of discontent that sometimes happen, disappointments from day to day life... It has been real depression--the inability to talk, to do the things I like, feeling lost even with the people who love me... I have never felt this way before and it's such a weight to try and shake...

It started this summer and is the reason I haven't been writing as much as I should.

It began with the wrapping up of my show--it was a hard season which was parts my fault and parts others'... I was relived to be on hiatus and actively searched for another job but couldn't even get an interview for jobs I was overqualified for... And then other people were finding new jobs so quickly--it just shook me up to feel like I had no options. And when I decided to accept the offer to go back to my old show--I had an idea in my head how to make the situation better but was derailed by other people's gossip.... I spent the week before I returned to the show crying because I felt so stupid.

But during this time I also had a bad cancer scare--really bad and it just overtook my head.... I spent my birthday bandaged up from a biopsy but hadn't really spoken to anyone about it... It just made me feel even more distant from people--emotionally and physically. I felt I didn't have anyone or any way to talk out my feelings and the husband was not enough...

So I tried to channel all my energy and fear into working out... It's been a year since I quit smoking and the weight just piled on so I jumped into a harder workout routine than I had been doing... Eventually I managed to pretty seriously injure my chest muscle--to the  point that almost 2 months later I am sore after doing basic pushups... But at the time when I first pulled it--I just stopped working out which made me feel even fatter.

It's been a hell of a past few months

But it was getting better--my return to the show was huge in helping me... There was a real effort to change the process, to make it more positive and it was working... My best friend was returning to LA sooner than expected which was a relief... The husbear and I were coming up on our anniversary trip to San Diego... Things were starting to pick up

Then the show had an injunction brought against it, filming stopped and we were all laid off... Johnno was offered a new job which required us to cancel the trip--he even had to work part of the weekend--and the gig is just long enough to mess up these plans then back to the same routine... And one friend is moving further away from us and I have just been kind of stuck alone in my own space....

So that depressed thing I was starting to shake just came back doubled.

But I am trying to take control. Hopefully by writing again... By making a workout that allows me to heal while still working on my stamina... By pushing myself to reach out when I can... Hopefully that is enough to climb up and out of this hole...

Though I feel like one of those clouds in a medication ad.

Blah

Book Whore: The Forever Trilogy AKA the End of Caitlin

Book Whore: The Forever Trilogy AKA the End of Caitlin

Okay--first off thank you for suffering through this series with me.... Love it or hate it--the split personality of the Caitlin series will weigh you down over the course of 9 books so kudos for keeping up....

That said--I love the final trilogy because it is a very rare thing to watch a young adult character all the way through to adulthood and that make it worth the trip. In the final series Caitlin has finally graduated college and is moving on to the big city as a career woman.

In journalism with a side of modeling...

I get that this is a series written in the mid 80s so a character's end game can feel a bit dated--but since the FIRST novel we have known that Caitlin is destined to take over the family mining company. She has been bred to do this and is mentioned all over the place for the first 4 books... And what made that idea unique was having a female with the goal to be in business... So this is a bit off--putting.

The other thing is that Caitlin ends up living in 1980s Manhattan along with Jed, Melanie and several of Caitlin's friends from high school. And while it is nice to tip back to certain place and things--the loss of Caitlin's complex morality makes being in NYC suck... She hates clubs and drinking, is rude and awful about drugs and would rather sit on the couch then be in the punk or art scene with other characters

And she judges them

It just makes the first book more of the same mistake in the second series and makes me sad


BUT

When we get back in book 2 of this trilogy the game is changed--events have brought Caitlin home to Virginia and to the family company and where this series should have been heading all along. The writing sparkles as Caitlin regains her nerves of steel, family drama returns along with a heavy dose maturity for all of the characters--they do feel like young adults now... And the best part is the history of the story is woven into these books with horses, class issues and EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER get woven into the story from Diana to Lawrence to Julian...

It's a great send off to a character that can be frustrating at points... And outside of the Julian story--I would say you could leap from trilogy 1 to trilogy three and not lose out on too much. And even with all my nitpicking--the Caitlin trilogy of trilogies is a fun read and well worth the time... It can be argued that this series even becomes the first New Adult series with the final trilogy--something that I really enjoyed...

Now I have to find whatever else Diana Gregory wrote

Fashion Friday--Formal fantastic

I am loving this overly flashy and accessoried look--its daring and vulgar without being over the top... It's the perfect inspiration penis going into the holiday/office party/wedding season.

And I know I'll have to tone it down to make it a bit more masculine but it's fun, clever, and dramatic

Monday morning inspiration

I spent my Saturday night down in the Marina Delray area of town – – where I stumbled across this large seagull sculpture in a hotel… it reminded me very much of a wind chime that my parents had brought them back from their honeymoon when they were first married  and I was constantly fascinated it.

The idea of the birds and Klein has always spoke to me… It's that visual manifestation of what I think creativity feels and looks like… It's wonderful to be reminded of that in the most random times in the most random places with my friends

A little more inspiration

A little more inspiration 

So last week was my birthday… And it was a type birthday that I didn't really know what I should or wanted to do –some are more confusing than others even if they're not big ones

 Instead though I realized that what I needed to do was not a party or shopping or even talk but to spend the day writing. I think I had to show myself that I could do it again… Because these last five years became about my job at the TV show and it didn't allow me to do… And the idea of security trumped the thing that I want to do

 And most of us – – my friends-- are reaching the point where we have to start accepting who we are, what we're willing to work for and what we already... And it's a really hard thing: sometimes things don't add up the way you wanted and you have to kind of make peace with that or do the challenge the work to be the person you want to be....

So spending the better part of my day just me alone with my computer and my thoughts and whatever version of a muse I have... It Put certain things definitely in perspective

 And I still managed to have fondue and escargot with my husband for the birthday too

Monday Inspiration: World View

Monday Inspiration: World View

This is one of my favorite speeches ever from TV--from the CBS soap "Knots Landing" and something that really encompasses my world view.... I'm not sure if this came from having hippy-ish parents or just a lot of "Sweet Valley High" reading but...I do belive this

The weirdness of human emotion

So it's begun… I've been having odd dreams in the last few days – – mostly  involving children or pets and being responsible for things and freaking out about it… Which is obviously my minds way of trying to handle the fact that I am not working…

And I can't figure out why I'm giving myself such a hard time about this – – I haven't even collected by first unemployment check, I have plenty of savings, and honestly it's the first time I've been out of work and almost 5 years… I shouldn't be feeling this weird already… Maybe I need to take a day and go to the museum which the beach or just stare at trees in the park....

But I don't need to feed into this idea of inadequacy that my brain is seeming to force on me at this point in time... It's really not the end of the world – – my husband's making good money for civil month or two so I have time

Honestly I'm just need to get back on board with  my creative side which will trump my neurotic side hopefully...that is how it works with artists right? 

Flicks--Stonewall

Flicks--Stonewall



So I don't know how to feel about this film--on one hand it has a famous gay director but on the other is how historically inaccurate it feels by the white-washing with the casting. And it doesn't help that the lead is a pretty white male when Stonewall was known to be used by minorities and trans genders and somehow we are seeing the gay male version of Jamie Gertz from Twister--an annoying character to make the entire story more "accessible". I just wish it felt more accurate than this.

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise  Trilogy by Francine Pascal

RECAP: So the first trilogy AKA the Love Trilogy we met Caitlin Ryan--rich, beautiful, spoiled who basically is willing to do anything to get the love of her life Jed... In the three books she schemes, accidentally cripples a boy, drives a girl to an eating disorder, gets and loses her man before being trapped in a mining shaft (!!!) and almost dying. And this all takes places in Virginian horse country, her family owns one of the richest mining companies in the USA, but she is a lonely orphan with a bossy rich nana who she hides from at an elite private school.

Lots of horse riding, bad 80s fashion description but a prequel almost to 'Gossip Girl'.

It's a great read because Caitlin was so unique--even when she is trying to be good she is underhanded. She uses her drama club skills to make herself plain and talk a girl out of an eating disorder coma (!!!)... She plays everyone off of each other in horrible ways to make a crippled boy learn to walk again... She is awful and amusing

Just stop reading there.

Now the second trilogy--The Promise Trilogy--is the type of series that seems published by people who got a lot of "network notes and focus groups" because everything is changed about the characters and the world. Caitlin is suddenly nice and kind of stupid--she loses her uncanny sense of people and social situations because she cant phantom why people would be mean or lie. In the original trilogy, first book, first chapter, Caitlin could tell someone was lying if they turned away from her mid sentence but here she is an idiot

It's like going from reading about Scarlett and her POV to Melanie...

But the other thing is they drop everything from the first series--secondary characters including her best friend, the detailed horse riding world she lives in and even her relationship with her family is downplayed. It was like they knew the first series did well but didn't understand why...

So the first book in the new trilogy is all about the summer between high school graduation and college. Caitlin spends part of her summer running a charity for the poor children of the Appalachian Mountain due to her grandmother's mining company before heading off to Montana to spend the end of the summer with her boyfriend Jed's family. There's little hints here or there to previous events and characters but never specific enough to understand.

Now this book does have to do a lot of lifting--Caitlin and Jed have pretty serious life goals in the first series that have to be undone. We left them about to head off to Radcliffe College to study business (for Caitlin) and law (for Jed) but since the characters are now answering to outside publishers' notes this must be changed.

So they quickly change the college mentions to something made-up, Caitlin now is going for an unnamed degree of sorts and Jed is very concerned about not being as successful as Caitlin's family. She has gone from running the show to having to be reassuring and supportive of his dreams. And when she goes to visit his family--this is where the new Caitlin really shows up

Cause Jed has an ex girlfriend named Eve and his sister Melanie is her best friend--from the moment Caitlin disembarks (their words--not mine) from the private plane these two are scheming. They play all sorts of tricks on her and it doesn't even OCCUR to Caitlin that this is happening but instead is all bad luck.  And while this happens there is a subplot about two con artists trying to hustle her grandmother and father back home and Caitlin has proof about this from the first meeting and doesn't understand what it means!!!

Eventually Caitlin wises up about Eve and Melanie by the end of the book, she and Jed mend fences and she returns home to go to college. But not before Jed realizes his father is getting too old to run their expansive ranch and he has to defer college to stay there which is sad but pro family.

Pretty much a stand alone book which is an odd way to start a trilogy.

But book two opens up and we finally get to the overarching plot of the trilogy--Caitlin arrives to college and ends up with enemies and a stalker out for revenge. It's so disconnected from the first book that you have to wonder what was going on with the author of this series. Basically Caitlin met some poor people as a child, wasn't nice and now at college has ran into one of them who decides he will make her fall in love with him, take her virginity and then denounce her as a rich whore.

That's the plot.

And if that wasn't anti-women enough, every girl Caitlin interacts with hates her and either willingly or accidentally helps this guy with his plot. It's kind of ugly and they make Caitlin stupider to facilitate it--because Jed isn't with her in college Caitlin spends her days and nights waiting for him to call or write but once people start sabotaging her mail and messages she becomes to depressed to eat or go to class. And this plot is over two books before they figure anything out--it just makes Caitlin and Jed both so foolish and awful that you have to wonder why you care.

And by stripping all the unique details; the world of thoroughbred horses, the blue blood lifestyle as well as the great supporting characters you suddenly have an "any book, anywhere, any character" which kills most of the magic.

But things to get happier by the end of the trilogy--Caitlin and Jed figure out  the various plots, the bad people grow a heart or disappear and college is back on track for them. It's tidy but very 80s which is unfortunate because while I like Sweet Valley High--Caitlin was more evolved than those stand alone books.

However--what happens in the third trilogy is more odd and interesting.... Careers and weddings and babies and cocaine and another cripple are on the way!

Thursday musings

One of the things I always loved about John Hughes film suppose that is secondary characters more often than not work just as smart and interesting as the leads… And Iona and is one of the best characters up until the end of "Pretty in Pink".... Then boo...

Her philosophy in this scene is something that I didn't get at the time but today I try to understand and live myself... I feel like that some manny of Hughes films have these little lessons buried in them. And then you have to do the hard work to apply them...

Rory By Nature or OCD

So this past weekend was the annual trip to hang out in a cabin by a river in Minnesota... My friend Jeremy has thrown this weekend event for 13 years and myself and Johnno started going after Jeremy's sister Edie invited us…

This is the first year I went since I quit smoking.

So while I know a lot of people at the event from the last few years it's always hard for me to get a grasp on the social situation the first few days… My one trade off from quitting smoking was that I discovered I have pretty serious social anxiety combined with OCD which can be a bit much when dealing with people...

And I know that at times this causes people to think I am aloof and more bitchy than I am which sucks because I want to be better but I don't know how to do that... Even with the LA people who go like Johnno and Lola and Dominic and Bella and Valeska I still suffer abit and people think I don't want to fit in.

But I also don't know how much of my anxiety comes from a mental place or how much of it comes from how I grew up as a gay kid and learning to deal with straight guys in particular... I came to believe they couldnt usually be very trusted and to be especially on guard if they were sporty or jockish or super butch--that's how you end up tied to a fence post.

And while I definitely have a lot of straight male friends nowadays when I meet someone new I still have to wait and feel them out before I can really talk to them... I used to think smoking gave me a reason to leave without being too much of a douche bag so now...

I don't know how to manage this.

And what sucks is I don't want people to think I'm not having a good time or that I don't want to be there for any of those things because the event is one of the few that actually makes me really happy. It gives me some good headspace away from all the Los Angeles shit and feels like family.

Something I don't have a ton of.

So now I'm at a loss--do I go on meds? therapy? Join a fight club? I just don't know 

Inspiration Monday: Unemployment

Inspiration Monday: Unemployment

So my job has gone on hiatus and so for the first time in almost 5 years I am not working.... And with my job you didnt get vacation time due to being free lance so this is the most time I have had off in years--and I dont know what to do with myself.

I already cleaned my closets out for charity stuff, sorted out various home improvement projects that I had been waiting to do, I beat my current video game obsession (Dragon Age) and now I am sitting in the Clubhouse trying to figure out my next step.

I have started up with my writing again and want to work on some painting and drawing but am so rusty on both accounts that I am nervous to pick up and start.... But I do need to use this time for me and get focused--at least starting here is a good place to begin

Yay vacation?

Friday Tunes

I Still Believe In Me by Fame TV show



For some reason this song has been in my head a lot lately--maybe because of how much I love Coco in this video... It's also probably connected to the job ending too but I dont want to think too much about that.

I am amazed it didnt win an Emmy the year this was nominated--it's one of the best numbers from the whole show.

I know I know

My job is ending soon and it's taking me forever to get all my shite lined up... It was extended a few more weeks than thought so I haven't been able to write but soon...

I'll be able to have myself a summer vacation thus bringing full time love