Monday, September 20, 2010

Prisoner of Myself

Being sick is awful. It's not one of those stay in bed sickness but more of I'm just uncomfortable enough to know that I shouldn't be around people. I'm a little sore and achy with a bad throat and it is enough to drive me nuts.

Because I was hoping to get back to people. I have missed my friends, making time with people, and being out in the world in a meaningful way. And what hasn't helped is that i have reached out to people to make plans but I am getting little feedback.

Instead the people who are furthest away physically have been the most receptive my overtures. And it makes me paranoid when I feel like people are avoiding or ignoring me. And there is a part of me that knows that i am being unfair but I want things back to the way they were.

Maybe it is the sickness but I want everything and everyone now. I want nights at houses and bars, shopping trips and day adventures. I want to feel like people missed me and want to be around. And i don't feel that way right now.

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