I Am Grateful

So this past week has been a bit crazy. Mostly due to the fact that I landed a new job exactly when I needed it but at the worst time in terms of LA weather. Because yeah it rained and rained.

This town falls part when it rains

So i had to figure out how I would get to my new job on foot without being destroyed by the rain. It's not like I had to worry about maing a good impression-I was a company I had worked for years ago and in a great location for me to get to but the simple goal of staying dry was kind of in my way. But i pulled it off and managed to not be too much off a hot mess even with the rip-away track pants.

YEp--I wore two pairs of pants to stay dry--and ripped one off in the elevator at the DGA building. How awkward.

But what really threw me off was that I then got a call for another job. From the BB family, for a junior story position. The kind of job I would have (still would in the future) killed for about a week before. So I froze up because I was so unsure to do. Do I walk from the new job that is a lesser position and bascically burn my bridge with the production company or do I stay with the sure thing. I called Valeska-who is my Miranda when it comes to work advice--and after some heavy breathing and thinking I realzied I was making it too complicated.

Cause I only needed to think with my wallet

The lower position would last three months or so while the new position would only be 3 or 4 weeks and I just couldn't afford to do that. I still spent the rest of day beating myself up not taking the story position (could this get me into story at BB?) but i knew that I did the smart thing. I am ambitious but not to the point of going broke--even though it feels like they go hand in hand.

But it is nice to be working. Not nice to readjusting to trying to get everything doen in my day. Ten hours at work plus commute plus wanting so much like writing and working out and relaxing--I need to do some balancing

But I am grateful for that

Quote of the Week

This comes from Joy regarding this weekend

"I live 4 the nights I'll never remember w/ the friends I'll never forget...."

True enough my dear.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I was more like the boyfriend. Johnno has this unique trait of not really giving a fuck. It's quite adorable at times but in others I find myself getting jealous of that abilty.

I always give a fuck.

I like to win things. I like to make people comfortable. I only like to do things well and don't waste my time with things that can make me look awkward or feel bad. It can be limiting and I know this and yet--

I still do them.

I guess what brough this up was the boy's birthday party this past weekend. He was looking for things to do and off the cuff I suggested a divey gay bar in Hollywood. I'm not sure why I did because I would never make the same type of plans for myself. I wouldn't want to put people out. But Johnno went right ahead and threw his plans out there--to take my straight guy friends, the girl crew and just put us all in the middle of go go dancers, rough trade and dirty heart of Hollyweird.

Everyone had an amazing time.

I wish I could be that comfortable forcing things. To sing karoke without caring if it might go bad, to strike up conversation without forethought, to just jump in with both feet and not think about how it could go wrong. To let things happen as opposed to controlling them, to relax and take deep breaths before going overboard.

But maybe that is why we work. He pushes me outside my comfort zone and I help him think things through. That we both bring abalance to the relationship that can only make things better.

Or maybe he is a better/more interesting/braver person. That is more likely.

687 or the Curse of Tech

So I haven't written in a bit. There's only one real reason and it is not my fault.

Really.

Shortly after returning from Seattle I found that my computer was acting strangely. It popped up with a virus--though not used in over a week--and in the process of trying to fix it I found it was getting worse. Really bad.

So I had to dig through my dwindling savings to find the money to get it fixed. The guy did an amazing job getting me up and running even though i was a mess the whole time. It's time like this, when I am freaking out and moody and all over the place that I realize one huge fact.

The boyfriend really does love me.

He put up with my moods, my frustration and my fears about all my lost work. I was pretty much Carrie Bradshaw in SATC where her apple crashes and she doesn't have a back-up and loses it. Yep. Me being stupid.

I need to stop tempting fate this way.

But all's well that ends well. Except now I have to double check everything and figure out the hows and whens of backing up the love machine.

Don't judge me--everything I own has a name.

PS 687 is the number of spyware/viruses/adware on my computer. thanks for nothing Norton!

The Young Adult Gay Jane Austen

Last night Johnno and I had a writing night scheduled. We have been trying to do this for the last few months—get together and work on our separate thing but still having dinner and conversation so we can hang out. Sometimes it works well—other times it becomes focused on one person’s work as a discussion point. I feel bad because it tends to be mine.

I have realized that when it comes to my writing that I tend to go thick. I like to create worlds of characters, fleshed out pieces of time and plot, which can be a bit haphazard when juggling so much story. I think it is because my personal taste is for books where average people become entrenched in life changing moments; the story is as much about the details of day to day as it is about plot.

What this means is that I tend to really flesh out things to an extreme which I suspect is from my background of soap watching and love of drama. I can’t do a story with just 3 characters-it tends to usually be about 6 or 7 people with one as the lad but the other stories that intersect and impact each other. I write more about relationships in a sub culture than just a simple A to B plot.

But what I have even come more to realize during this process is the type of writer I want to be. For so long I have just said that I am a writer with no clear definition to that idea. But now I am being more focused on what ‘might’ be my style. Between that and finishing plotting out the back of my book—

I feel like I have made a huge step forward in my own path as a writer. Feels good.

I am SO JEALOUS

From Chloe in San Francisco

Cagney & Lacey Reunite In SF

While we enjoy poking fun at the Chron, make no mistake that our love for Leah Garchik runs deep. Very deep. Take, for example, this story she broke on what could possibly be the greatest reunion since... well, the the greatest reunion, ever.

Tyne Daly and Sharon Gless, who became famous together in Cagney & Lacey, will be here this month. Daly's performing at the Rrazz Room Tuesday through Jan. 16; Gless stars in Z Space's "A Round-Heeled Woman," which opens Jan. 16
While they aren't scheduled to perform together, we can only hope Gless shows up at the Razz Room for a special appearance. And then someone hands them guns. "Freeze, turkey" should be shouted by one of them. We can't imagine this won't happen. They been known to perform a song or two together for special occasions



Not as classic as Joan Collins and Linda Evans doing their two woman show but it is right up. How awesome would this be if it returned to Los Angeles? I would be there with bells on--or shoulder pads, slacks and sensible shoes

Shallow

So I have been dealing with phone issues…

I hate cell phones. I swore I would never have one until I took a job down the street from LA’s Skid Row and figured for safety I should just bite the bullet. It was hard and I didn’t want to do it…But as is always my way-I fell in love with my phone





It had big keys, was thick and hefty, and could have possibly saved my life in a gun battle. I grew to love it—so much so that when I was mugged and the phone stolen I constantly would search my room for it the first five minutes of every day.

But eventually the screen just died. It wasn't me, it was him--the phone him. Boo.

So I was forced to get another phone. I was annoyed about not being able to replace my old one and was not in the best mood when I went shopping for a replacement. I didn’t want to spend any money on the phone, wanted it done as quickly as possible so I settled for the simplest free phone they had.



Eventually I fell in love with the sleekness of my phone. The weight didn’t drag down my pants when I would forget to wear a belt. The camera was much better and even though it was a slippery little sucker—I grew to love this phone as well. But as all good relationships, it ended suddenly and without any warning. It just one day cracked apart at the seams.

It was rather sad.

It also couldn’t have come at a worse time. I was getting ready to leave for Seattle, not working and sort of funds due to Christmas. But I knew I needed a phone so I had no choice but to suck it up and deal. I was in a rush and in the process forgot to get a new adaptor or box for the phone. 50 dollars later and I was good to go.

And it seemed all was fine. Until two days later, when waiting for Johnno to call, I managed to drop the phone in my bathroom sink while shaving. Fortunately I sprung into action and snapped the phone out of the water, popped out the battery and stuck the phone in rice before shoving it into the fridge.

For the most part it worked. I had to wait two days but the phone was dried out and useable even if the back speaker was shot. Even time it rang it sounded like a death knell but it was good for talking and texting so I just sucked it up.

What I wasn’t expecting was this





Somehow my adaptor melted down and fell apart in my hands—no reason or cause that I could figure out. So once again-in less than a month—I was out of a phone. And since I did not get a new adaptor with the phone I had no way to charge the damn thing up.

Of course this is just a long story to justify this






Yes it is a new phone. I could have fought for a new adaptor or made an exchange but instead I went on-line, found a free phone, and spent the little bit of cash I had to get something new and exciting.

I think it is pretty and I might be in love.

The Importance of Being Good

First of… Happy New Year.

I know it’s late.

I spent my time back from Seattle getting back into the swing of things. Working out, back on the diet, running last minute errands; it’s been rather boring but good. I think I needed to get back into the flow of real life.

But as New Year’s rolled around, I got to thinking about resolutions. I am a huge fan of setting goals and that night is one of best nights to get those type of thoughts flowing in my head. I started to go through all the usual lists—losing weight, better jobs, finishing the novel, working on my relationship. But the one I kept coming back to—the idea of being a better person.

Instead, I started to wonder what that means…

I like to believe that I am a good person. I spend out thank you notes, I try to get together with my friends when they need me, I try to be grateful for the parties and the invitations, that I can take care of myself and those I love. But I don’t know if it is enough.

I don’t call my family enough. I can be a difficult boyfriend sometimes. I don’t call people enough. I don’t leave sweet messages on Facebook pages. I don’t always give gifts at the right times. I don’t always talk nice. I don’t forget past slights.

I wonder if I am nice or if I am just imagining that.

I don’t know. Maybe we all wrestle with these thoughts, these doubts, these questions. That at the end of the day it is impossible to know if we are doing enough or if we just have to trust that we are doing the best that we can. I have to hope that is the case. But maybe I should work on figuring out what being a better person means for me.

Or at least change the negative things that I know for certain are negative.

We’ll see where this takes me.