Thursday, December 17, 2009

OCD aka Outside Cigarette Distraction

So this weekend was Ali and Robin's 10th annual Holiday party. It is part of the (for me) Holy Trinity of Los Angeles parties between Detriot Street Hollywood and Super House Super Bowl and is on my must list of places to go. Between the copious amount of food, the traveling bottle of tequila, pantless madness and everyone in one place at one time--it is not to be missed.

And yet every year I struggle a bit at this party. It feels like everyone I know in Los Angeles is in one room and there isn't enough of me to go around so instead of making the best of it--I tend to float around like some drunken butterfly. There's Ali's friend from the law office, there's the couples with children who I rarely see, there's the people who work long hours and i haven't seen in months, there's the new boyfriends and girls. It's a lot to take in so instaed I end up with conversation at the bar, a quick picture in the hallway by the bathroom, a stolen moment on the couch then I get up and start all over--ending up usually hidden in a corner by myself before I push my way outside.

See, I like to imagine that I am a social person, someone who can balance a cocktail and conversation, but at the end of the day I tend to find myself needing time away from the action in order to process all the stimulation. I honestly believe this is why I smoke like I do, so that I can discretely make an exit from the pressures of trying to balance a million relationships at once. To take in the air and the silence of myself and allow for an moment of respite.

I don't know if this bothers people.

Of course, the best thing about this year was having Johnno with me. There is something relazing about being part of a couple that allows for him to pick up some of my social slacking--Rory and Johnno are a unit of sorts and so as long as you get one it feels like you got both. He makes plans for us or tells stories about the things we do to the people we know and it feels as if he is catching up the room about us.

That said--I wish I knew a better way to handle myself and the stress. It's not fun to feel like I am doing people wrong or not being a good guest. But it is what it is I guess.

Le sigh

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