One Year In
This post is a little late--I think because I didn't know how I would sit down and write it in the right way to give it all the meaning and thought it should. I dont know if there is a proper way to sum up a year in a relationship--much less the first year in a marriage.
As Johnno is fond of saying, the first six months were rough between his company laying him and a bunch of people off, moving out of the Dollhouse ahead of schedule, just trying to figure out how to live one on one... Also--and no one tells you this--you're prospective of your relationship changes once you are married. It's not like I didnt think Johnno and I were forever before the ceremony and rings but once you've done all the pomp and circumstance things take on a different weight.
Your problems become his problems and vise versa--things like health insurance and cars and family issues all become tied together... You hesitate before you buy yourself a new pair of jeans, make more of an effort to pay attention to the mechanics of the relationship, you worry about not just tomorrow but a thousand tomorrows down the road.
It's scary shit
And you sometimes freak out and squabble and learn to breathe and to settle in, you realize how heavy forever can be no matter how much you love each other and you put more effort into the details of the day to day because you know forever is a long time and you want to make it special. You feel the value of knowing one fight doesnt mean you can pack up and leave, the world can be a bit more scary when you are not together and you take solace in the knowledge that this--whatever it is--is the two of yours to make into whatever you want it to be.
It's a hell of a ride 12 months in....