Caught In The Middle
Samuel is in town. The ex returned for a local friend's wedding and decided to spend a week here in the city catching up with various odd friends. It's kind of weird. I mean, he and I have hash and rehashed our history and came to a certain peace with how things worked out. We talk about writing and TV, share scripts and stories about dating and family but even still the idea of him lurking around my neighbor threw me.
Sometimes I'm crazy.
I guess it was because the last times we saw each other in person, in the same space, were uncomfortable at best. I wasn't sure how I would handle seeing him and he was more than willing to meet Johnno and vise versa.
It felt awkward.
But the three of us went out to dinner last night--Samuel made a point of buying since he felt I did most of the paying in our relationship. It was a sweet but unneeded gesture. We talked over salads and soups and through coffee and a small neighborhood walk. It was easy if jumpy at points--being in person I think reminded me of everything about us as a couple both good and bad.
Later on we went to the local lesbian bar for trannioke. I figured if the conversation died we would at least get a good show out of it. It was fun and we each had a chance to sing and drink. The two boys got along well and I was given the ex approval on my fiancee. And Johnno-for his part--understood a bit more about my past and could see me clearer.
And outside of an exchange or two everything stayed polite and light and fun. I'm glad that we are all over that hump. I feel now like I have settled something more in my past--not that there were lingering feelings but I just know more now.