So this past weekend was crazy... Between the boyfriend's 30th birthday, his sister and her fiancee arriving in town and Edie's brief visit to LA--everything has been running on all levels. It's a good feeling to be busy but all i want now is to sleep on the floor of the handicapped bathroom at my office.
Gross but true
And I did learn a lot of things this past weekend from all the people I saw and talk with and ate with and danced with and watched football with and rode in cars with. Sometimes I get so caught up in the idea of how things were that I forget what thing truly are--about people, places and my expectations.
I learned there is nothing wrong with being the person who dances all night alone of the floor of a tranny bar. Sure people may stop and stare, you might have to dance to a couple awful songs and you will get hit on by people you would rather hit... But there is something freeing about not giving a fuck and losing yourself to what you want more than what anyone else would want for you....
Just because people see a problem doesn't mean that they are really part of the solution. I didn't really notice how the same people who complain about certain social traits in LA are also the same people who do not try and fix those things at all!!! And I was really surprised that the people who put the most effort into making things better were not at all who i expected or how I thought it would play out. Be gone with the judging...
Some people have no context for themselves or their behavior... Sometimes it sucks when that is obvious and a problem but--you can't save anyone from themselves. And sometimes they don't know that they have a problem so who are you to decide and point it out to them? I wouldn't want that for myself.
And finally--we don't know how much time we have left. Nothing is a given in this life and so you have to try and make the most of what you are allowed to have. It sounds trite and miserable but it is also true. Nothing is more haunting then the moment you realize that everyone you know someday will die.
Embrace the lessons and live better--that's what I have to do now.