Worries and Words
So I have been reworking my novel and it has been rather complicated and difficult. Both Johnno and Samuel have given me notes, good notes, and it has made me rethink certain aspects of the story. I have been recapping each chapter on notecards and breaking them down scene by scene.
Part of the issue has been knowing that i have to scale back the story, count down on word count, and reshuffle the events in the story. I think that I may even have to restart and rework what I have written so far which scares me.
It scares me because I am worried that I am making excuses not to finish my rough draft. And I am getting to the point where it feels difficult to call myself writer when I can't finish a novel--I wouldn't call some a dress designer if they couldn't finish a dress, a painter who never finishes a canvas or a songwriter who never made a song out loud.
So now this means that I am doubting myself and my ability but more importantly my commitment as a writer. And I am scared if I can't put down a finished rough draft of a story i care about--then what does it mean about me as an artist? As a creative person?
Or am I being too hard on myself? Am I turning my creative process into a self-defeating one? And how do I get past this? Do I wait on the new words to fix the old ones and hope that causes me to become more focused and driven? Or is this the start of me letting go of my dreams?
And who does that make me?