100 Random Things About Me

1) I have never really been in love. Sometimes I think I was but at the end of the day I know that I was seeing what I wanted.
2) My biggest fear is that one day all of my friends will be married with kids and I will still be living alone and a hugely secondary part of their lives.
3) I want children more than anything in the world and would be willing to do it alone if I could afford it.
4) I have made my peace with being single and know it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
5) I secretly love Jlo’s music.
6) I dance alone in my apartment a lot.
7) I love my friends too much and fear that’s why I don’t go after things I want because it might mean leaving them behind.
8) I like living in LA.
9) I think of my baby brother who died as a toddler and wonder how different things would be for my family if he hadn’t passed away.
10) I sometimes wish I lived in Boston so I could be near my new baby sister.
11) I fear that my sister will never really know me outside of pictures and stories. 12) I wish that I had a good relationship with my dad and brother.
13) I wonder if I don’t believe in love because how my parents raised me.
14) I am secretly a romantic.
15) I get tired of finding flaws with my body.
16) I am fat yet more in shape then a lot of people I know.
17) If I had a car I still wouldn’t really want to drive.
18) I always cry at the end of “Beautiful thing”.
19) All of my friends have skills I wish I had.
20) I sometimes wonder if I am to old for my “look” and need a make over.
21) I am amazed at how many of my friends know what is wrong with my life and yet don’t let me in on the information.
22) I want to be an advice columnist yet have no idea how to do it.
23) I was accepted at Emerson College as a TV production major.
24) I changed my major five days into college.
25) I think my apartment reflects my inner life… pretty, well-done and, like my apartment, few people see it.
26) I wish I looked more at my successes than my failures.
27) I am spoiled to a degree.
28) My three wishes would be to have 15% body with perfect teeth, a million dollars and that all who loved me were happy.
29) I have smoked for ten years.
30) I have not had an asthma attack since I started smoking.
31) I wish I went dancing more.
32) I wish all my friends loved each other.
33) I get jealous of certain people in my life on a semi-regular basis.
34) I wish I wasn’t as able to read people, situations and relationships as I am. 35) I wish I could make mends and forgive certain people.
36) I let people take advantage of me emotionally yet if they fuck with my money I will cut them out completely.
37) I have gone to bed hungry.
38) I like the messing with Matt Smith’s head.
39) I believe I have nice eyes.
40) If I could be any fictional character I would be Michael Tolliver from Tales of the City.
41) I don’t wear underwear that often.
42) I should get an AIDS test—just to be sure.
43) I miss living with most of my former roommates.
44) My favorite thing to do is stoop on my steps with random friends at 1 in the morning.
45) I love that I have red sneakers.
46) I wish that I had a belly ring but feel to fat to do it.
47) I sometimes miss working for Pier One.
48) I like doing home décor. I don’t know why.
49) I have had nude photos taken off me.
50) I have learned that a threesome is not a good idea.
51) That I should never try to love someone who doesn’t want it.
52) That if a guy takes me on a date and then buys tickets to two different movies—one for me, one for him-- I shouldn’t be dating him.
53) I have kept every piece of fan mail I have gotten for my writing.
54) I wonder if I have talent.
55) If I do, then why don’t I use it more?
56) I have had secret sex.
57) I wish I sang more karaoke.
58) I hate to wear ties.
59) I like helping my friends dress up for big events.
60) I briefly considered sex with the 711 guy—long story.
61) I have two half finished novels.
62) I wrote a show bible for a soap opera when I was in high school and this project was what got me accepted to NYU.
63) I have met Ashley from Otown.
64) I wonder what a tongue ring feels like kissing.
65) I have planned out my wedding in my head—even though I don’t believe in them. 66) The first dance would be to “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.
67) I have had low-rise pants crack.
68) I have lied to many people.
69) I wish it wasn’t that easy to lie.
70) I have mad crushes on random male friends.
71) I have thought of almost of them sexually once.
72) I wonder why I run away from guys who talk to me at bars.
73) I have a street name—Sawyer.
74) My mom is my idol—to a degree.
75) I feel guilty at how hard my brother was pushed playing hockey.
76) I wish I hadn’t disappointed my dad by refusing to play.
77) I wonder whatever happened to the first boy I kissed, slept with and loved—Mike Dawson.
78) I sometimes debate tracking him down.
79) I own every book ever written about soap operas.
80) I read them when I am drunk and need to sober up.
81) I like cheese.
82) I have done drag once.
83) I wish I was more poetic with my words.
84) I like to watch MTV.
85) I wish I wasn’t frightened of Ani DiFranco.
86) I have had sex on the Esplanade in Boston.
87) I really wish I was friends with Eric.
88) I would like to write a great teenage novel.
89) Then make it into a cult movie.
90) I am secretly afraid of success.
91) I was afraid that I would become schizophrenic when I hit my twenties—runs in the family.
92) I wish I could go to Cairo.
93) I wish I was brave enough to wear my “I kiss Boys” shirt in public.
94) I miss Dawson’s Creek.
95) I would sleep with Rufus Wainwright—even though he is too skinny.
96) I would star in a porn film if offered the chance.
97) I have had more sex than most people know.
98) I miss my parents sometimes.
99) I wonder often if I am wasting time in LA.
100) I like roller-skating.