Sunday, April 08, 2012

It's Probably For The Best

So I return to my job tomorrow after my long ass hiatus... While it was good to be off, to work out when I wanted, orginize bookshelves and clean out the closet, start on my new novel--its also had the weird side effect of making me feel lonely.

I know it's in my head.

But it has been bothering me how disconnected I have been feeling. Part of it is just spending the day alone for the most part, seeing only Lola and Johnno for days on end, leaving the house became a goal of sorts. However--I have also spent a lot of my time trying to reach out to people--via texting, via emails, voice mails and Facebook...

And people haven't been responding.

I was thinking the other day about the last few times I have had really moments with my friends--more than just hanging out at someone's house but talking and connecting. I realized that outside of a few random moments; book club with Kirby and Wynona, Edie's brief pitstop in LA over Easter week and Chloe's annual visit--I haven't had many times of true connection.

It's annoying me.

That's not to say that my friends are doing anything wrong--I have just started to see how much out of the loop I am... I don't IM or text anyone friend everyday, I don't get invited out during the week very often, I don't get phone calls or texts on the fly about things... Instead I spend a lot of time with Johnno--which is good--but very few other people...

I think that is leading to other problems.

Part of it is I don't feel very wanted as a friend as of late--I have done some reaching out but like I said--there's not much reaching back. So much that I don't want to be the one making all the effort--which leads to me and Johnno going out to bars on our own.... I love our time together but I wish we would connect with other people... I don't know if that makes sense...

And so I am overthinking things... Getting back to my job--which I love--will be a step in stopping the negative thoughts. So it will be a good thing. Let's see if I feel this way in a week.

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