Sunday, February 21, 2010

My OMG Moment

I had a moment the other day... I twittered about it, made it my facebook status and kept it as a saved text. I felt foolish and vain and shallow but it was importnt to me to keep that feeling in the front of my mind.

In all of the time I have been on the diet-cutting back on carbs, increasing veggies, letting go of caffiene, I never really let myself get excited. Sure, people like Edie or Kirby might tell me I look good, I might weigh a bit less on the WII, things might feel like they have shifted on my body but for the most part i tried not to think about it too much.

Because in the past when I have left myself get consumed it because something that takes over my life. I become overly food sensitive, I become paranoid about workouts and calories burned and nothing feels like it is good enough. it's not healthy but something I have learned to balance out bit by bit since high school, and college, and Los Angeles.

But early Friday morning, as I was getting dress for work, I had this momment where for the first time I really saw how much my body had changed in the last six months. It wasn't just about abdominal flatness or the curve in my shoulders-it wasn't a thinner face or the lines you get at the top of you hips--it was the first time seeing myself look good and normal and healthy without being obsessed. It took me by surprise to see how much thinner, rested and great I looked.

And I knew I had done it not by skipping meals or two hour a day works outs but by actually learning and retraining my body. To know the differences between hunrgy and tired, of when and what to eat and how to do that, of trusting in emotional hungar and physical hungar and what to do with them. That everything I had acomplished thus far was doen the right which meant he wasn't going to disappear anytime soon.

For the first time it felt like I finally put everything in it's proper place and not in my mouth. I walked out of the apartment that morning amazed and happy with myself. Even if I did feel abit foolish that my first thought was worded like a teenage girl.

OMG indeed.

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