Cardigan, Merlot, and Prose
So this weekend was a bit tiring but a much needed break from social things... I realized that I hadn’t been super honest about how I was feeling because I have been constantly pushing things down for the benefit of others. It might sound like I’m coming down on people—my friends—for saying that but I made the choice to stay silent.
It didn’t really help that in the aftermath most people just trashed my relationship and the boy to my face pretty quickly. And that makes it hard to be honest and raw when on some level you suspect that the person you’re talking to is judging you for being stupid to have given some much to someone so clearly not deserving.
So I just stopped putting my feelings out there when I was out with people. Part of the reason I kept such a low profile wasn’t that I wanted to be alone but I wanted to talk about my feelings and the boy and my mistakes but felt that I didn’t have an avenue to. Which is unfair in some cases but true in others. But now I know where I went wrong that in that thought process.
Of course I realized all of this after spending a night or two with Dorothy Parker and cheap merlot and cuddly clothing. Which was originally what I was going to be writing about but I chose to be honest instead.
Thanks to Heddy for giving me room to be honest. I think I needed it.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Music Fun
I love music and this past few weeks has been about a ton of music. This doesn’t even include the gift cd I got from a very good friend. (Though we both like the same song which I had just bought before it arrived on my mix CD.)
1) Hey School Boy by Stefy
2) Rehab by Amy Winehouse
3) Goody Two Shows by Adam Ant
4) Popular by Nada Surf
5) Undone by Weezer
6) I Get Around by Dragonette
7) My Mood Swings by Elvis Costello
8) Buddy Holly by Weezer
9) 9-5 by Lady Sovereign
10) Us by Regina Spektor
11) Beverly Hills by Weezer. (Wow—I must be Emo to have three,)
12) Ladykillers by Lush
13) Tramp by Salt N Peppa
14) Son of A Gun by Missy Elliot with Janet Jackson and Carly Simon
15) No More Words by Berlin
16) Jonny Are You Queer by the Go Go’s
17) So Jealous Boy by Fabs
18) Deceptacon by Le Tigre
19) Oh Yeah by the Cliks
20) Too Drunk to Fuck by Nouvelle Vague
I love music and this past few weeks has been about a ton of music. This doesn’t even include the gift cd I got from a very good friend. (Though we both like the same song which I had just bought before it arrived on my mix CD.)
1) Hey School Boy by Stefy
2) Rehab by Amy Winehouse
3) Goody Two Shows by Adam Ant
4) Popular by Nada Surf
5) Undone by Weezer
6) I Get Around by Dragonette
7) My Mood Swings by Elvis Costello
8) Buddy Holly by Weezer
9) 9-5 by Lady Sovereign
10) Us by Regina Spektor
11) Beverly Hills by Weezer. (Wow—I must be Emo to have three,)
12) Ladykillers by Lush
13) Tramp by Salt N Peppa
14) Son of A Gun by Missy Elliot with Janet Jackson and Carly Simon
15) No More Words by Berlin
16) Jonny Are You Queer by the Go Go’s
17) So Jealous Boy by Fabs
18) Deceptacon by Le Tigre
19) Oh Yeah by the Cliks
20) Too Drunk to Fuck by Nouvelle Vague
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Flip Flop
I had forgotten how pedistrian things have been as of late. I can't blame the higher ups on this one but rather myself for forgetting which way things roll in my little piece of the world. Who I should trust and listen to, where I stand with certain people but I do pride myself on knowing when I am 'over it'. Which is a good enough place to get back to where I was before this amnesia.
That said--I need to figure out several things
I had forgotten how pedistrian things have been as of late. I can't blame the higher ups on this one but rather myself for forgetting which way things roll in my little piece of the world. Who I should trust and listen to, where I stand with certain people but I do pride myself on knowing when I am 'over it'. Which is a good enough place to get back to where I was before this amnesia.
That said--I need to figure out several things
Thursday, March 15, 2007
50 Whores on Stage and None of Them Are Us.
So this past weekend I took to the road and hit up Palms Springs with some of the girls. (Kelly, Lizzie, Joy, Valeska, Sabine and Tanya.) Joy’s granddaddy has a house down by PS and so she thought it would be cool just to jaunt down for a weekend and see what kind of trouble we could get into. Valeska Kelly and I headed down after work on Friday—though I took a chance and skipped out early from work to get a quick haircut and pick up some pants I had altered at my tailor’s. (I love tailors because it’s like getting new pants for next to nothing.) So after a quick nap I met up with the girls and we took to the open road. There was gossip and traffic and music as well as plans made. It turns out that Metal Skool was performing at Margano Casino that night so we were going to see the best hair band tribute act ever.
That night at the show was pretty funny—due to the traffic we stopped at the casino before the house which led to Valeska Kelly and I all changing up our outfits like hookers at the casino. The plus side was that we got into the Key Club to see the opening act which was so young I think that we could have parented all of them. But they were cool and their friends were dorks and were all kicked out after the set since they weren’t over 21. Then Metal Skool prepped to take the stage as the other girls arrived.
The show itself was good but most of the girls hadn’t seen the band before so it was new to them. The sexy funny sleaziness of the band came through and was only heightened by the fact that every drunk, slutty, white trash girl (minus our group) appeared dancing on stage at sometime during the set. There was even a few topless one. Weird and funny until the end of the evening when one of us got punched—by accident—and we left the club deaf and defeated.
Soon we were having snacks and reading trashy magazines back at Joy’s house after a bit of scariness at the gate. It seems we were posing as Karen—Joy’s mother—and the security guy was quite confused. But we made our way through the track houses that LOOKED ALL THE SAME and into the fabulous house. (Think the set of ‘Golden Girls’ with bamboo looking furniture, religious plates and glass statues.) Tanya and I explored the house with her camera, documenting the clown art, the doggy art and the misplaced Asian screens. I felt like I was Rhoda without the head scarf.
The next day was spent poolside with the cast of ‘Cocoon’ and two pools with shade for Sabine. It was quite nice, quiet and relaxing—I even made time to swing on the playground which was designed for the grandchildren of the community. Good times if not good pictures. We then made yummy burgers—rather Sabine made the burgers—snacked and listened to music before taking showers and naps. We then headed in for a nice dinner in town with Mexican food where I found out that we were celebrating my birthday with flan. (Fuck you Joy!!!) Then we hit the local pub where Lizzie filmed the various hot, scary, slutty locals as a bad cover band played inside. Good times.
Then we headed home where I proceeded to do some grilling—not burgers—grilling for gossip. I learned a lot about everyone and I hope they learned a little more about me. There was much debate about Anna Nicole’s baby daddy, Brittney’s rehab and Jennifer Hudson’s ugly ass dress as well as Tanya and I doing some minor redecorating.
It was a late night that was topped off with me trying to scare the crap out of Lizzie with some clown art as Tanya tried not to laugh. We almost stole Joy’s at mitzvah video, tried on granddad’s hats and even posed for pictures in the whirlpool tub. Bed came way to soon—even with the lost hour.
Sunday started with just me, Valeska, Kelly and Joy heading out early afternoon since the others took off earlier in the morning. We hot the outlets and shopped and bought shoes (all of us) and accessories and worked our way through 150 some odd stores. It was good times and we still got home rather quickly. It was good times.
Random Quotes
‘Can’t sleep, clowns will get me.’
‘Night Suze. Night Bob.’
‘Well, he’s an intimidating crowd of people.’
‘It’s so ‘Golden Girls’ I want some shoulder pads and cheesecake.’
‘Hey grampy. Your neighbor Ken says hi. Is his wife’s name really Barbie?’
‘Jane is for smart girls or is it old girls?’
'Karen’s my mother’s name. So you’re now my mother.’
‘That little boy is going to be asking his mom what dirty hot is.’
‘Oh man—the golf cart is broken.’
‘Oh look—this week it’s Metal Skool—next week is Inxs—you would think they would have airbrushed that photo.’
‘I’m just doing my best Oprah.’
‘Happy birthday Rory.’
So this past weekend I took to the road and hit up Palms Springs with some of the girls. (Kelly, Lizzie, Joy, Valeska, Sabine and Tanya.) Joy’s granddaddy has a house down by PS and so she thought it would be cool just to jaunt down for a weekend and see what kind of trouble we could get into. Valeska Kelly and I headed down after work on Friday—though I took a chance and skipped out early from work to get a quick haircut and pick up some pants I had altered at my tailor’s. (I love tailors because it’s like getting new pants for next to nothing.) So after a quick nap I met up with the girls and we took to the open road. There was gossip and traffic and music as well as plans made. It turns out that Metal Skool was performing at Margano Casino that night so we were going to see the best hair band tribute act ever.
That night at the show was pretty funny—due to the traffic we stopped at the casino before the house which led to Valeska Kelly and I all changing up our outfits like hookers at the casino. The plus side was that we got into the Key Club to see the opening act which was so young I think that we could have parented all of them. But they were cool and their friends were dorks and were all kicked out after the set since they weren’t over 21. Then Metal Skool prepped to take the stage as the other girls arrived.
The show itself was good but most of the girls hadn’t seen the band before so it was new to them. The sexy funny sleaziness of the band came through and was only heightened by the fact that every drunk, slutty, white trash girl (minus our group) appeared dancing on stage at sometime during the set. There was even a few topless one. Weird and funny until the end of the evening when one of us got punched—by accident—and we left the club deaf and defeated.
Soon we were having snacks and reading trashy magazines back at Joy’s house after a bit of scariness at the gate. It seems we were posing as Karen—Joy’s mother—and the security guy was quite confused. But we made our way through the track houses that LOOKED ALL THE SAME and into the fabulous house. (Think the set of ‘Golden Girls’ with bamboo looking furniture, religious plates and glass statues.) Tanya and I explored the house with her camera, documenting the clown art, the doggy art and the misplaced Asian screens. I felt like I was Rhoda without the head scarf.
The next day was spent poolside with the cast of ‘Cocoon’ and two pools with shade for Sabine. It was quite nice, quiet and relaxing—I even made time to swing on the playground which was designed for the grandchildren of the community. Good times if not good pictures. We then made yummy burgers—rather Sabine made the burgers—snacked and listened to music before taking showers and naps. We then headed in for a nice dinner in town with Mexican food where I found out that we were celebrating my birthday with flan. (Fuck you Joy!!!) Then we hit the local pub where Lizzie filmed the various hot, scary, slutty locals as a bad cover band played inside. Good times.
Then we headed home where I proceeded to do some grilling—not burgers—grilling for gossip. I learned a lot about everyone and I hope they learned a little more about me. There was much debate about Anna Nicole’s baby daddy, Brittney’s rehab and Jennifer Hudson’s ugly ass dress as well as Tanya and I doing some minor redecorating.
It was a late night that was topped off with me trying to scare the crap out of Lizzie with some clown art as Tanya tried not to laugh. We almost stole Joy’s at mitzvah video, tried on granddad’s hats and even posed for pictures in the whirlpool tub. Bed came way to soon—even with the lost hour.
Sunday started with just me, Valeska, Kelly and Joy heading out early afternoon since the others took off earlier in the morning. We hot the outlets and shopped and bought shoes (all of us) and accessories and worked our way through 150 some odd stores. It was good times and we still got home rather quickly. It was good times.
Random Quotes
‘Can’t sleep, clowns will get me.’
‘Night Suze. Night Bob.’
‘Well, he’s an intimidating crowd of people.’
‘It’s so ‘Golden Girls’ I want some shoulder pads and cheesecake.’
‘Hey grampy. Your neighbor Ken says hi. Is his wife’s name really Barbie?’
‘Jane is for smart girls or is it old girls?’
'Karen’s my mother’s name. So you’re now my mother.’
‘That little boy is going to be asking his mom what dirty hot is.’
‘Oh man—the golf cart is broken.’
‘Oh look—this week it’s Metal Skool—next week is Inxs—you would think they would have airbrushed that photo.’
‘I’m just doing my best Oprah.’
‘Happy birthday Rory.’
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Weirdness Abounds
So I have been feeling a bit off as of late. It started the other night when Jac stopped by and said that we should hang out this weekend. She wants to make sure we get some time in before she moves to New York. And I had totally forgot about that plan of hers till that night. And it how much seems like things have been changing in fast forward over the last year and half.
I mean between the roommates being switched around and the couples breaking up and people moving away and people getting rather serious in their love lives and engagements and the boy leaving and Kirby in love and babies and now Jac leaving and the reality of Edie leaving mostly within the next year and not seeing much of anyone anymore more by device than design.....
I know that all of these things are necessary and good and healthy but I can't help feeling left behind. Like someone I have missed some big ass step to being an adult and moving forward with my life. It makes me a little scared and weaky and flighty and just out of sorts.
I'm totally overthinking things.
So I have been feeling a bit off as of late. It started the other night when Jac stopped by and said that we should hang out this weekend. She wants to make sure we get some time in before she moves to New York. And I had totally forgot about that plan of hers till that night. And it how much seems like things have been changing in fast forward over the last year and half.
I mean between the roommates being switched around and the couples breaking up and people moving away and people getting rather serious in their love lives and engagements and the boy leaving and Kirby in love and babies and now Jac leaving and the reality of Edie leaving mostly within the next year and not seeing much of anyone anymore more by device than design.....
I know that all of these things are necessary and good and healthy but I can't help feeling left behind. Like someone I have missed some big ass step to being an adult and moving forward with my life. It makes me a little scared and weaky and flighty and just out of sorts.
I'm totally overthinking things.
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