YEAH YEAH YEAH

So I did it and made my National Novel Writing Month deadline. I am so exicted and proud of myself for getting 50,000 words done in 30 days. I am even more excited that the few people who I have really shared my story with seem to like it.

Now the new goal is to have the novel fully done (rough draft) by the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve. I think it is doable even if I have a lot more story to tell but I know now that I can make a goal if I set it hard enough

How cool would it be to start the new year with a new novel finished? (In rough draft room that is!)

Quote of the Day

From the Nation Novel Writing Month Forums

"All boys are transparent until you start to date them. Then they become mysterious."

I find this is always true.

Unlikely Man Crush



So I have loved Joshua Jackson from his early days as a 'Might Duck'-what is it about hokcey players? Seriously-and grew to love him more from his awesome turn as the best gay boy ever--by best I mean he is playing me if I was a character in a film--with his bleached blond turn in 'Cruel Intentions'.

And while I am not a fan of 'Fringe' I will say that Pacey Wittaker had me at hello. Though I am a bit bummed he's thinned out a bit in the past few years I still get very nervous at the idea of ever sharing the same physical space.

I know where he indoor rock climbs and can never go there because I would mostly likely fall to my death if we were to be on the wall at the same time.

Le sigh. Thank OMG for adding him to your 25 Hottest list

Something to Think About




I didn't say it was a deep thought kind of thing. Just enjoy the magic.

This Day in History

I know it makes me geeky and a bit gay but here you have a clip from one of my first memories... Of television that it.




To this day my mother and I can break into a conversation about this show without batting a lash. I mean, it sucks nowaday but I will always remember moments like this.

Na No Wri Mo

Since my life as been overtaken by my novel I figured I would share a bit of it so that you won't feel like I totally abandoned you. It's young adult but there's no Edward Cullen in this mix. (Sorry Edie and Lola) It's been a bit hard to not feel dated in some aspects since I am about 6 years older than my main character-he's 16-but figure I can just watch some MTV, CW and read up on Facebook to catch up.

That said--here' a summary from my Nanowrimo page.

Timothy Blanchard is the most average boy at his school with two exceptions--he's gay and has a photographic memory.

When he is unceremoniously outed, Timothy goes from being the name no one remembers to the one on everyone's lips in a matter of days. Whether it's landing the lead in school play, being best friends with the most popular couple in his class, and even gaining a secret admirer, Timothy can't help but finally stand out.

But with great popularity comes great responsibilty and Timothy is about to realize if he can't remember who he is he might just fogret who he can be.
I think this sums it up nice. Until I lose control of my characters which might be already starting....we'll see if I can get these brats back in line.

Quote of the Day

RE the importance of limb placement in photography.


"I looked at our picture and thought to myself 'that's not your man hand, Lola'"


This was a smaller piece of a longer conversation between Lola and I about photos, on-line dating and teenage vampires. (Not sure on the last part was an actual subject but her eyes kept creeping back to the copy of 'Twilight' so its all good.)

The Little Rory That Could

So my novel has been swinging between bouts of picking up steam and derailing beautifully before my eyes. I'm trying to keep myself going by turning the phrase "it's only a firts draft" into my mantra but it doesn't always work. I mean, my word count is rising and my characters keep surprsing me with the ways and means they use to achieve their goals.

But I have been struggling a bit with a new development. I just realized today that I might have accidently created a "Duckie" character with my book and am not sure how to handle that. A Duckie is a character from 'Pretty in Pink' who as an archetype is the goofy, odd ball character who has incredible chemistry with my main character (MC) but is not supposed to be the love interest that wins out in the end.

So now I find myself wondering if I am going to create disappointment with my book (if it is ever published) by having this great character who is so lovely and flawed and fun not being my MC happy ending. So now I do the dance of 'how to fix what isn't broken' without ruining everything yet to come. Which then makes my hands feel tied everything time I sit down to write because I am at a loss.

There is a part of my that says I should just keep going, regardless of the original plot, and just see what happens. But without knowing the end of the plot I could create a hot mess.

"It's just a first draft, it's just a first draft, it's just a first draft."

Sometimes You Have to Wonder

So I talked to Samuel last night. We were on the phone for three hours, dancing from writing to television to boyfriends and family; we're both invested in our seperate happiness. It's weird because I have never had an ex that I am still so connected to but it is nice and novel. It feels right.

But as we were talking I was thinking about all the times it has come up, but not to my face, about how my friends talk to Johnno about Samuel. They're never directly rude, that I know of, but they constant imply that my relationship with Samuel was not a good one. In the sense of they just put up with me dating him and, by default, dealt with him only because of that. It makes me feel like a fool.

Not because I regret the relationship with Samuel; I don't. But it makes me wonder how honest my friends were about that relationship if all they have to say is such negative things about it and him. I can't help but wonder if they just went along with it because it was easier than pointing out there was a problem. And if that is what they were doing then it makes me wonder about what else they keep from saying to me.

I am more curious than worried, more bummed than angry about the situtation.

There is also a part of me that says that after any and all break ups--we all latch on to the negative things so that we can help our friends move on from heartbreak. That I am reading too much into the casual diss, the slight revisionist history that seems to have sprung up in the aftermath. It's easier than thinking that my friends would just sit by and watch me make a fool of myself.

Pill Pain and Protests

So I threw my back out again. I did it last Thursday when stretching during my yoga dvd and it was just a bad movement and not being focues. It's okay though--it would be much hardere if I was working but with all the time off I am able to just lay down when needed. That and Joy managed to hook me up with some vicodine.

Now normally I am against pain meds for the simple reason that with blocked pain I can tend to forget that I have to be careful. But the pills actually helped me be able to march this past weekend and that was just as important to me as back safety.

And the march was amazing. I went with Kirby, Wynola and Luke--and Sabine was also there but we did not managed to meet up--and we made our way to Silverlake for the No on H8 protest. This was Kirby's first involvement with anything like this and it was my first real protest since college.

And while I was somewhat disappointed--there were a lot of white people which we pretty much have locked down as supoorters--I still could not help but be amazed by tyhe number of people and the pure scale of the event. It made me realize thatI am apart of something for more than just myself and something I need to try and be more involved with. And that vicodine makes it feel like you can march forever.

I have a lot more feelings on the subject but my back starts to get sore from too much desk chair time so--I have to leave it as is.

But I am going to the Nov 15th protest and should have more to write then.

The Last One

So this is the last thing I will say about the past 24 hours but I have to say something so I can get it all out of my head.

See--I can't stop crying.

I'm not a crier. Anyone who knows me well knows this to be the case. I'm a stiff upper lip, keep it to my WASPy ass, no one wants to see a man cry type of guy.

And yet the tears can't seem to stop creeping out if I'm not paying attention.

There have been a lot of people--who in the nicest way possible--have been telling me to suck it up. To get with the program and look at the positive things of the last 24 hours. To just go with the flow. (The liberal flow as the case may be.)

But I can't.

Most of the people in my life can't relate to how it feels to be me today. And while I hate the idea of playing the gay card (as much as I hate the Black card, the woman card, the married card, the religious card) I think that I am coming from a different place then most of those I know and love.

Because today I know for certain that a majority of the citizens where I live think I should not have the same rights as them. Last night's election was about my rights as a person, my ability to have something that is not even questioned for anyone else that I know. (For the most part.) And while we can say that Prop 8 is a gateway for all types of moral policing, we're all in this together, it opens the door for other things, that it is unfair on principal for people in general--today it feels personal.

I can't really explain what it is like to be a minority in the United States. I can't explain what is like to be judged, dismissed and hated for something that is as a part of me as anything else. To know that there are entire groups of people who exist to try and restrict my basic human rights. But these are just large and impersonal examples.

I could try and explain what it was like to be the 'class fag' throughout high school. To be made fun of every day, spit on and isolated to the point I still hate the town that I came from. Even my brother did some of this

I could share how it felt to have "friends" in college make fun of my sexuality to the point that they invented a game called 'Offend the Rory" while my other friends sat back and watched.

I could talk about what it was like to be verbally threatened at my job for being a faggot and how it felt to have my boss tell me to 'suck it up'.

I could explain how it feels to have gone on job interviews and know that I would not be hired because I was gay. The moment when you know that you are being judged and discarded for making someone uncomfortable.

I could relive every time I have been called a faggot just standing on a street corner, minding my business, as I run errands in my neighborhood. The fear when someone out of the blue just verbally attacks you.

I could go on about the times when I have given my opinion or my advice to a friend or family member and had it discounted because I am gay and therefore do not get "it".

I could tell you about what it is like to always have to hesitate a moment before grabbing a boyfriend's hand or dancing as a couple or standing too close together when out in public. About the number of moments in my life where I have had to wait and suss out the situation before I can become a part of it.

I could try and describe that moment when I can see that someone hates me, not because they know me, but on the basis of my sexuality. That moment where you can see their eyes, the face, their body language change because they suddenly know that I am gay and to be something less because of it.

I could spend the rest of my day writing examples to try and make people begin to understand where I am coming from. How it feels to be separated and considered different, to be thought less of, to be afraid of the world, to be scared for myself... (And sometimes my boyfriend.)

Because that is what today is about for me. That feeling of isolation and hatred which I always managed to put somewhere in the back of me feels like it is on full display today. It's like having kryptonite thrown at me, like being naked in public, like being singled out of the thousands as something to be pointed at excluded.

So I will spend today being raw, wearing sunglasses to hide wet eyes, not shaving or getting dressed, avoiding the television, being pissed at the protest in Castro and West Hollywood (because those aren't the battlegrounds), not taking pity or hugs, being annoyed at those who try and tell me they get "it" when they have never been discriminated against.

It's one of the few rights I have.

And then tomorrow I will get up and start all over. I will smile and be civil, I will pull myself together and head out into the streets with a positive attitude, and I will put back on my suit of emotional armor and act like I am okay and ready for the next part of the fight.

But for today--I'm not having any of it.

(And by the way—I don’t need anymore reminders that Obama will be a part of the solution. He is not for gay marriage and is only for civil unions as is Joe Biden. He also believes that gay marriage is a state’s right issue and not a federal one which is a simple way to avoid the whole mess. He only came out against Prop 8 because of the fact it repeals civil rights that were already extended to citizens. This is one of the few times that a civil right has been repealed—making 18,000 marriages possibly invalid—which he believes is a dangerous precedent because it could open the door for similar actions against other minorities.)

Its raining in Los Angeles

As I sit and decompress after a long writing session I can't help but wonder who I will be tomorrow. I like to believe in the goodness of people; that most people understand the point of human existence is to try and live together in harmony. We all want happiness and joy and everything possible that comes with it

And even though happiness is a very personal thing--something that is different for each of us--I can't help but wonder what type of person would want to prevent another person for being happy.

I have been blessed that for all the flaws and faults that my family has--and there are many--they taught both my brother and I to believe that people are all equal. Not just by telling us but how they lived--that my grandparents marched in the South, my great aunt had gay friends back before Stonewall, that my parents were environmentalists, worked with special needs children, had friends of all types and showed us by deed that to be good is to just be open.

That even when we disagree the pure fact of existence ties us all together. That your struggle is my struggle, your success my success and your joy can be my joy.

I may go to bed tomorrow a 2nd class citizen and while I will not believe that to be true, it will be imossible to not feel that way and wonder what I did to the world to be made to be aside so easily.

I just want happiness for us all. How is that so hard to achieve?

Na No Update

So while the novel is not fully plotted yet I do know the following...

It is a young adult novel.

There is a bit of a french farce element to it.

I have managed to introduce all but two of my major characters.

3 days in and I am 5200 words into the story.


Thus far my main charcater might just hate me because of the following

-I have given him an allegry attack

-made him sneeze on the most popular guy at school

-had him get yelled at by a teacher

-have his books knocked out of his arms

-taken drug overdose (but nothing too hardcore)

-give another classmate a bloody nose

And he is about

-have his clothes stolen from the locker room

-faint and be found naked

-be outted as gay during a underground punk rock show

(I think I might be a sadist.)

Why I Love the Nanny



Cancer survivor, advocate and Nanny alum Fran Drescher has just written this great editorial, which we think everyone should read!

She says:

"When did it become okay to discriminate? What country are we all living in anyway? I thought this was America, am I wrong?

Wake up folks before it’s too late! This country was founded on the premise of separation of church & state. And why do you suppose that was? Because back in the day of our forefathers, (ya know, the dudes who fought and died for our freedoms) life under an oppressive British empire was more than they could take.

Living in a “my way or the highway” nation sucked! Dictation, Denial and Discrimination was the name of the game until our founding fathers decided that they’d had it!

“Let freedom ring!”, they shouted. And a HUGE part of that freedom was of course separation of church and state. If you are truly an American, (and not some closeted fascist) you are part of the privileged few on the planet who get to live in a country that supports tolerance of diversity. Heck we celebrate it! We can be who we want to be, pray to whomever we choose to pray and live as equals regardless of gender, race, creed or sexual orientation.

To think that in this upcoming election there is actually a proposition to add an amendment to the California Constitution to legalize discrimination! Shame on us! This proposition is not about gay marriage; it’s about hate, discrimination and intolerance of diversity. It is wholesale, unadulterated hate-mongering and it MUST be snuffed out in a dramatic fashion at once to illustrate to those behind it that in America we embrace the neighbor who might be different from us and are proud of it!

So to all you TRUE Americans, get out there and vote on November 4th, and let’s reject hate.

Get all your friends, co-workers and relatives to vote too and make sure you vote NO on proposition 8.

Freedom Fighter,

Fran Drescher"