Where I am at…

So I haven’t posted anything new in a bit—I would love to say that I have been crazy busy, doing fun things and out and about but I haven’t. I’ve been a little hectic between work, Christmas shopping and trying to make time for everyone I can before they all leave town for the holidays.

But on top of that—my Vacation posting seemed to cause quite a stir and I was taken to task multiple times by various people. I was told that it was all in my head, that maybe I was in the rut and not changing at all and so projecting my issues on others. First of all, I really though that this was all my choice and not something for everyone to jump on me about—that my journal implied my thoughts and not a debate where I was wrong.

I get why people said all these things though and can’t be that upset about it. But it got me thinking a lot and I realized that I have changed a lot in the past year and actually not in a rut at all. Quite the opposite.

In the past year I had something I wrote performed on the Los Angeles stage and another piece filmed. I acted for the first time in years, and for the first time in 10 years I actually got behind the camera and filmed a film. I helped (some might say saved) a political theatre production. I decorated my first loft for a client ever!

I started a career this past year and made huge forward movement to the point that I am getting paid to write for television—something I would have never guessed would have happened this time last year. I took risks with the jobs I went after and succeeded each time.

In terms of my love life, I realized that my heart still works and that I don’t have to believe that the right one doesn’t exist. I had 2 of the most romantic moments of my life in the past year because I was honest and went after what I want as opposed to just talking about it. Did I get everything I wanted out of the situation—no but I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid to go after bright and shiny boys. That is huge for me.

My friendships grew so much, not only with new people in my life but with people I never thought it was possible. I was honest and risked one of my best friendships by saying what I felt and needed from her and we both grew closer because of it.

And I was honest and open with people in a way I never thought I could be. I owned my personal history and risked a lot by telling all my truths and realized that I am loved despite all my faults. It was my biggest fear and I got beyond it and grew stronger for it.

So am I in a rut? I don’t believe so at all. I think this past year has been one of the hardest, scariest, and riskiest but it was worth it. And I guess I just want the people I love to try and move forward too. It made me sad to watch people make choices that weren’t making them happy and there is nothing I can do to help them and that is why I need to stay away for a bit. I don’t want to judge the people I love.