VACATION
So I’m taking a social vacation. And if you offended by that—well you probably the reason I’m taking one. It isn’t one person or event; it isn’t a pinpoint in time or a seasonal thing. It’s a combination of bad behavior, selfish deeds and reruns of a pathetic nature.
It’s watching the same people make the same mistakes—going home with people who won’t like them or working every guy in the room until one is willing to go home with you. It’s watching smart people through themselves at drunken fools and believing that that is the high point of the evening.
It’s realizing that you have to be careful who you talk to because Valeska isn’t speaking to Jennifer or Kelly and Lizzie have tension and are playing popularity games. It’s the “friends” who don’t care about the people they claim to like and instead want to make it all about them.
It’s about people who are repeating old patterns and recreating old drama with past hook ups that don’t like them and new crushes that never will. It’s the drunken person at the party who always wants to be your friend yet they backstab you by telling lies or secrets.
It’s not getting invited to the big events or even getting a phone call or e-mail from your “best friends”. It’s about always doing what they want all the time at the same place. It’s watching them make out with 50 year olds and then acting surprised.
It’s about people who refuse to grow up or change or get help and yet they still want you to deal with their drama. It’s enough. I’m tired of care taking, getting the late night phone calls, playing doctor to all your problems—the same problems that you refuse to change.
So I’m taking a break—as of this Saturday I will be dropping off the social scene. I need to find something more fulfilling and less sad then watching people I love just hurt themselves in the all ways they can. I’m getting older and am seeing more of what I don’t want out of life.
So I’m gonna go off for a bit and see the world. Even if it is no further than Los Angeles there is still a lot more to see than this cable access “Melrose Place”. I’m sorry if any feelings have been hurt by this but you are reading my journal. At your own risk.
5 comments:
I'm sorry there's a big old hubub of badness.
I, the persistent one I am, still implore you, to come to the dark side...
and come to SF.
I am never sure running away--or shutting down--is the way to handle such duress. I wonder if shutting out the people that hurt you, or physically removing yourself from your surroundings--actually makes you one of them...one of us.
Checking out a room, hooking up, secret crushes, he said she said--IS a social vacation, an escape. Sometimes it's easier to not be held accountable for who you are, no matter how unhealthy. That's what's so exciting. That's what makes it safe.
God forbid we all step forward and try to coexist on a level where we commit to each other just for the sake of the greater good. We might be better people...how scary is that?
Don't run from us Rory--I will of course, never run from you.
Ruby
i repeat, ahem, i repeat...
step away from the white line and go north.
not west young man...go NORTH!
sorry, i'm pushy.
physical distance doesn't necessarily change the heart
I guess i just feel a little lost social as of late...
It is interesting that you say that you are watching people make the same mistakes, that they are in some sort of loop in their lives. But from the bigger picture, maybe and just maybe, you too are in a loop that you run and disappear at points and thus are in your own loop.
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