Random Discoveries

Random Discoveries Various people have been asking what happened with the Chance situation and I have been very light on the details of what went down. I guess because I was disappointed by what I thought happened and now that I know what really went down, well… When Chance and I hung out on Halloween Night everything seemed really good and fun and just moving forward. Later that night as I left, Joy and I discussed how Chance seemed into me and Joy talked about Chance and her conversation when I was gone. The conversation was about me not having a car or cell phone and Chance couldn’t believe that. Now I’m not an idiot—I realized when I didn’t hear from Chance that this conversation was probably the biggest clue as to why. The “not having a car” can be a big no selling point about me—especially when it comes to dating. So I just chalked it up to that and I couldn’t really blame him. It wasn’t until recently that I got any idea as to how he found this all out. That it was just kind of bluntly told to him by Anita in a random social setting. That is was just kind of thrown at him in a “Why am I here? Cause Rory needed a ride to come and see you.” This is important in a major way. When it comes to telling people about my car deal I tend to go about it in a particular way. For me it’s not a huge deal most of the time—I can get places easily in most cases and have figured out how to live this way without much complication and I tell people as much. In other words, I may not have a car but I still get around and have a great time, great jobs and even a great social life. And this is not a lie. But most people if they learn this info by accident or from the wrong people hear it like this—Rory can’t go cause he can’t get there. Rory doesn’t do that because he can’t find a way there. And this comes across as a limitation of huge proportions. It’s not. Now in terms of Chance, I just assumed that this was his excuse not to try and pursue anything with me, and what I mean by excuse is this—Chance is shy and not very forthcoming in some ways. He knew Lizzie for 4years before he told her he was gay—he is younger than me by a couple of years—he is still working on getting comfortable with being gay. I know that he hasn’t ever had a boyfriend so I just assumed he saw this as a way out. But now I wonder if he, because of how Anita told him about the car stuff, if he thinks that I’m incapable of doing stuff and he didn’t want to get all caught up. That I would be a dead weight due to the lack of a car and so he just decided not to get too attached because it would be a huge hurdle. Because that is not true at all. I guess this is a hard thing to explain—that the way Chance found out the car thing is more important than the car thing itself. It like being told someone’s pregnant. It can be told as a positive or told in a negative light. I just assumed that Chance had found out the car thing in a positive way and used it as an excuse to not try anything as opposed to hearing it as a Rory’s incapable of doing things and being misled that the car situation would be his fault or issue to deal with. I guess it doesn’t matter—he’s not that into to me if he wasn’t willing to try. And I’m a loser for even thinking about him at all—much less for wanting to go to his concert on the 18th.