Here is a close up of the scary demon statue I walk by every morning. When I come off the late night, this is the most surreal thing to be lit up at night. Terrifying.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Flash Mobs and Other Tributes
So I never really wrote about Michale Jackson's death. I wasn't really sure how--when someone like that dies it raises all sorts of emotions that don't seem fair to share. I didn't know him, I didn't ever meet him, I was just a face in an unseen crowd.
But his music was something that was pivotal in my life. Whether it was as the Jackson Five, Michael pre 'Thriller' or Michael post 'Smooth Criminal' each period had songs that helped define my life. From 'P.Y.T.' to 'Can You Feel' to 'The Love You Save'--each song is a part of my existance, my memory, my past. And even though his life was a tragic, uncertain, and questionable mess it doesn't distract from the art he made.
And on the day he died I cried. I cried when Chloe first called me about Michael going to the hospital, when CNN confirmed his death, when the first clips aired of him as a child singing and all thorugh VH1's video marathon. I was lucky enough to be able to be with Edie and Valeska when his star of the Walk of Fame was revealed.
It was surreal to be among the various people in Hollywood as we listened to his music, danced along Hollywood Boulverade and help carry all the candles, flowers, cards and art that was made in honor of his life. When someone that huge dies it becomes a common moment for strangers and friends, co-workers and family, countries and neighborhoods. Bceause at the end of the day, music like his becomes a soundtrack to our lives whether as the soundtrack or just background noise. Words we know, dances we have seen and things we all shared as part of the cultural tapestry.
But what really pushed me to finally put down words regarding Michael Jackson was this weekend. My friends Cullen, Kelly, Valeska and Scarlett all headed downtown to be a part of a flashmob in honor of the popstar. Even though I was on the nightshift, with only 5 hours of sleep, I headed down to watch and document the whole moment from rehearsal to performance.
It took place this past Saturday in the heart of Hollywood and Highland aka the Oscar complex. One hundred and fifty people of all types who teamed up to, for a moment in time, take over a public place to recreate the dance steps that made 'Beat It' famous. And while I couldn't dance, I was lucky enough to be able to watch live as my friends were apart of a very loving tribute.
If you look at the bottom corners you can see Kelly in her white shirt with blue jeans as well as Cullen in his red cap and white t-shirt. The others are sprinkled around them as they owned the made the dance their own.
I am amazed at this tribute and think it is proper homage to Michael Jackson--someone who made me dance.
So I never really wrote about Michale Jackson's death. I wasn't really sure how--when someone like that dies it raises all sorts of emotions that don't seem fair to share. I didn't know him, I didn't ever meet him, I was just a face in an unseen crowd.
But his music was something that was pivotal in my life. Whether it was as the Jackson Five, Michael pre 'Thriller' or Michael post 'Smooth Criminal' each period had songs that helped define my life. From 'P.Y.T.' to 'Can You Feel' to 'The Love You Save'--each song is a part of my existance, my memory, my past. And even though his life was a tragic, uncertain, and questionable mess it doesn't distract from the art he made.
And on the day he died I cried. I cried when Chloe first called me about Michael going to the hospital, when CNN confirmed his death, when the first clips aired of him as a child singing and all thorugh VH1's video marathon. I was lucky enough to be able to be with Edie and Valeska when his star of the Walk of Fame was revealed.
It was surreal to be among the various people in Hollywood as we listened to his music, danced along Hollywood Boulverade and help carry all the candles, flowers, cards and art that was made in honor of his life. When someone that huge dies it becomes a common moment for strangers and friends, co-workers and family, countries and neighborhoods. Bceause at the end of the day, music like his becomes a soundtrack to our lives whether as the soundtrack or just background noise. Words we know, dances we have seen and things we all shared as part of the cultural tapestry.
But what really pushed me to finally put down words regarding Michael Jackson was this weekend. My friends Cullen, Kelly, Valeska and Scarlett all headed downtown to be a part of a flashmob in honor of the popstar. Even though I was on the nightshift, with only 5 hours of sleep, I headed down to watch and document the whole moment from rehearsal to performance.
It took place this past Saturday in the heart of Hollywood and Highland aka the Oscar complex. One hundred and fifty people of all types who teamed up to, for a moment in time, take over a public place to recreate the dance steps that made 'Beat It' famous. And while I couldn't dance, I was lucky enough to be able to watch live as my friends were apart of a very loving tribute.
If you look at the bottom corners you can see Kelly in her white shirt with blue jeans as well as Cullen in his red cap and white t-shirt. The others are sprinkled around them as they owned the made the dance their own.
I am amazed at this tribute and think it is proper homage to Michael Jackson--someone who made me dance.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Food Diary
So here is what was ate today
This was breakfast
This was lunch
This was snack
And this was dinner.
I am still kind of unsure about portion sizes but did seem to lose 5 pounds over 9 days so....maybe I am on the right track? Though I am concerned that my ab defintion seems to be going away and am worried that maybe I am working out too much and that my body is eating muscl over fat. Le sigh
So here is what was ate today
This was breakfast
This was lunch
This was snack
And this was dinner.
I am still kind of unsure about portion sizes but did seem to lose 5 pounds over 9 days so....maybe I am on the right track? Though I am concerned that my ab defintion seems to be going away and am worried that maybe I am working out too much and that my body is eating muscl over fat. Le sigh
Friday, July 17, 2009
Frustrations
So I have been a bit annoyed with my body as of late. See I am doing this carb free/sugar free meal plan (not a diet) for the last few weeks and have yet to really see any difference in my body. I just don't feel like much has changed and if anything I feel a bit heavy then before I started the plan though I am not sure why.
There is part of me that says this could have something to do with the fact that I normally don't really eat that many carbs so I am not really cutting much out. It have something to do with the fact I am working out and possibly not eating enough causing my body to go into stravation mode or it could be that I am somehow eating too much which seems impossible but I don't know
And I hate that I am so overly concerned about all of this but I can see what few abdominal lines I have seem to be fading and I feel like my belly has become bigger for no real reason. And I am not sure if this is my own paranoia (Johnno swears he can tell I lost weight) or if I am somehow having this meal plan backfire on me.
So I have come up some plan of action but I am not sure really what it might be.
So I have been a bit annoyed with my body as of late. See I am doing this carb free/sugar free meal plan (not a diet) for the last few weeks and have yet to really see any difference in my body. I just don't feel like much has changed and if anything I feel a bit heavy then before I started the plan though I am not sure why.
There is part of me that says this could have something to do with the fact that I normally don't really eat that many carbs so I am not really cutting much out. It have something to do with the fact I am working out and possibly not eating enough causing my body to go into stravation mode or it could be that I am somehow eating too much which seems impossible but I don't know
And I hate that I am so overly concerned about all of this but I can see what few abdominal lines I have seem to be fading and I feel like my belly has become bigger for no real reason. And I am not sure if this is my own paranoia (Johnno swears he can tell I lost weight) or if I am somehow having this meal plan backfire on me.
So I have come up some plan of action but I am not sure really what it might be.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
This Makes Me Happy--Which Might Make Me Shitty
I know, I know
By Ylan Q. Mui
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Crocs were born of the economic boom.
The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.
Then the boom times went bust, and Crocs went to the back of the closet.
The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it's stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.
"The company's toast," said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. "They're zombie-ish. They're dead and they don't know it."
Two summers ago, Nancy Fisher of the District bought two pairs of Crocs, one green and one pink, for her daughters. The girls, now 8 and 12, wore them constantly and even got charms to decorate the tops. This year, the shoes are forgotten.
"They were their go-to," Fisher said, "and now they're just really interested in flip-flops."
The story of Crocs mirrors the country's tale of economic expansion and contraction. At the height of the real estate market, in 2006, the company sold shares to the public, raising more than $200 million in the biggest stock offering in shoe history. It ramped up manufacturing to keep up with demand, only to then find that shoppers were snapping their wallets shut.
Rachel Weingarten, a trend and marketing expert, has relegated Crocs to the wasteland of the comfort-shoe aisle. Maybe in a decade nostalgia will set in, said Weingarten, author of "Career and Corporate Cool." Then a pair of hot-pink Crocs dug from the back of the closet might inspire misty-eyed memories: "Remember when we had ugly, Flintstone-looking feet?"
Crocs not only had a look, they had a story. In 2002, three longtime friends from Boulder, Colo., got hold of technology developed in a Canadian laboratory in 1999 that created a lightweight, antimicrobial foam. They called it Croslite and molded it into a boating and water-sports shoe they named "Beach."
The shoes quickly developed a following among landlubbers as well. Gardeners touted their stability, runners enjoyed their light feel, and the chairman of the company's board wore them with his tuxedo.
The company used money from its public stock offering to diversify and acquire new businesses, such as Jibbitz, which makes charms designed to fit Crocs' ventilating holes, and Fury Hockey, which used Croslite to make sports gear. It built manufacturing plants in Mexico and China, operated distribution centers in the Netherlands and Japan, and forged into the global marketplace. More than half of Crocs were sold outside the United States.
Then, chief executive John Duerden wrote in an e-mail: "the industry was taken by surprise by the severity of the downturn. It affected us more than most because the brand had been gearing up for a continuation of the extraordinary growth in the prior years."
But the shoes were hitting a saturation point; the problem with a nearly indestructible product is that shoppers rarely need to replace it.
A foray into Croslite clothing in 2007 fell flat and was quickly scaled back. The company liquidated Fury Hockey last year.
"They had added a huge amount of infrastructure to meet this demand going forward," said Jeff Mintz, an analyst with Wedbush. "Demand fell off, and they had way too much capacity and way too much supply of product."
Who needs a second pair of Crocs in a recession, particularly when the first pair is holding up just fine?
The company swung from a profit of $168.2 million in fiscal year 2007 to a loss of $185.1 million last year. In its annual report, Crocs said that an independent auditor expressed concerns about "conditions that raise substantial doubt about our ability to continue." Its stock price has plummeted 76 percent.
Five months ago, the company announced that it was replacing chief executive Ron Snyder, who went to college with the company's founders, with Duerden, an industry veteran who ran a consulting firm focused on brand renewal. Duerden believes there is life yet in Crocs and plans to market them to caterers, medical workers and people with foot problems. Actor George Clooney has promised to work with the company, Duerden told analysts. Maybe he could wear a red pair.
"The bottom line is, people talk about Crocs," he said at a conference with analysts. "They either love them or hate them, but it's in the vernacular."
I know, I know
By Ylan Q. Mui
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Crocs were born of the economic boom.
The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.
Then the boom times went bust, and Crocs went to the back of the closet.
The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it's stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.
"The company's toast," said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. "They're zombie-ish. They're dead and they don't know it."
Two summers ago, Nancy Fisher of the District bought two pairs of Crocs, one green and one pink, for her daughters. The girls, now 8 and 12, wore them constantly and even got charms to decorate the tops. This year, the shoes are forgotten.
"They were their go-to," Fisher said, "and now they're just really interested in flip-flops."
The story of Crocs mirrors the country's tale of economic expansion and contraction. At the height of the real estate market, in 2006, the company sold shares to the public, raising more than $200 million in the biggest stock offering in shoe history. It ramped up manufacturing to keep up with demand, only to then find that shoppers were snapping their wallets shut.
Rachel Weingarten, a trend and marketing expert, has relegated Crocs to the wasteland of the comfort-shoe aisle. Maybe in a decade nostalgia will set in, said Weingarten, author of "Career and Corporate Cool." Then a pair of hot-pink Crocs dug from the back of the closet might inspire misty-eyed memories: "Remember when we had ugly, Flintstone-looking feet?"
Crocs not only had a look, they had a story. In 2002, three longtime friends from Boulder, Colo., got hold of technology developed in a Canadian laboratory in 1999 that created a lightweight, antimicrobial foam. They called it Croslite and molded it into a boating and water-sports shoe they named "Beach."
The shoes quickly developed a following among landlubbers as well. Gardeners touted their stability, runners enjoyed their light feel, and the chairman of the company's board wore them with his tuxedo.
The company used money from its public stock offering to diversify and acquire new businesses, such as Jibbitz, which makes charms designed to fit Crocs' ventilating holes, and Fury Hockey, which used Croslite to make sports gear. It built manufacturing plants in Mexico and China, operated distribution centers in the Netherlands and Japan, and forged into the global marketplace. More than half of Crocs were sold outside the United States.
Then, chief executive John Duerden wrote in an e-mail: "the industry was taken by surprise by the severity of the downturn. It affected us more than most because the brand had been gearing up for a continuation of the extraordinary growth in the prior years."
But the shoes were hitting a saturation point; the problem with a nearly indestructible product is that shoppers rarely need to replace it.
A foray into Croslite clothing in 2007 fell flat and was quickly scaled back. The company liquidated Fury Hockey last year.
"They had added a huge amount of infrastructure to meet this demand going forward," said Jeff Mintz, an analyst with Wedbush. "Demand fell off, and they had way too much capacity and way too much supply of product."
Who needs a second pair of Crocs in a recession, particularly when the first pair is holding up just fine?
The company swung from a profit of $168.2 million in fiscal year 2007 to a loss of $185.1 million last year. In its annual report, Crocs said that an independent auditor expressed concerns about "conditions that raise substantial doubt about our ability to continue." Its stock price has plummeted 76 percent.
Five months ago, the company announced that it was replacing chief executive Ron Snyder, who went to college with the company's founders, with Duerden, an industry veteran who ran a consulting firm focused on brand renewal. Duerden believes there is life yet in Crocs and plans to market them to caterers, medical workers and people with foot problems. Actor George Clooney has promised to work with the company, Duerden told analysts. Maybe he could wear a red pair.
"The bottom line is, people talk about Crocs," he said at a conference with analysts. "They either love them or hate them, but it's in the vernacular."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Forgotten Things
The MCR gets very cold during the night--I need to bring a jacket or something to keep me warm. I have to remember to return phone calls and comments on pages to all my friends because it is easy to fall off the face of the Earth when on a nightshift. I have to make some time to call my family between Meggie's birthday, Mike birthday and my mom birthday as well. i have to try and force myself to get some good sleep so that I don't drag all night long.
I have to remember to stay on my writing and my reading then I will be happy enough.
The MCR gets very cold during the night--I need to bring a jacket or something to keep me warm. I have to remember to return phone calls and comments on pages to all my friends because it is easy to fall off the face of the Earth when on a nightshift. I have to make some time to call my family between Meggie's birthday, Mike birthday and my mom birthday as well. i have to try and force myself to get some good sleep so that I don't drag all night long.
I have to remember to stay on my writing and my reading then I will be happy enough.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Little Billy Krammer
I am not sure what I am doing. I have spent the last few weeks with the boy, still in the midst of the sweet part, but finally getting to the place where it is starting to feel like a relationship and less of a idea of a relationship. We finally had our first fight--though it was more of a serious discussion with both of us teary than anything--which we got through with flying colors. It was awkward but not enough to give either of us pause and instead he spent the night cuddling instead of separate and seething.
But for some reason, I still find myself getting more and more difficult as of late. I'm not sure where it comes from; if it is from the diet and giving up sugar or if it is from being on the patch or if it is getting back to a work schedule or being super tired from just readjusting to life. I find myself being snappish without meaning to, feeling the harshness tone of my voice after it came out of my mouth and I know it shouldn't be happening. And it shouldn't be happening with Johnno and and I am not sure why it is.
All I know is I feel awful the moment afterwards and yet I don't know how to stop myself. And the problem is that I love Johnno to death, I have never had a moment of doubt about where we are with each other, and I have never felt so sure in such a small amount of time but I am somehow not able to not be difficult. This scares the hell out of me because I suddenly wondering if I am becoming the type of person I never wanted to be. If I was too single for too long and have become so jaded and standoffish that being with someone who treats me well is such a foreign idea that I am afraid to trust in it. It feels like I am somehow trying to test the relationship and gauge what Johnno feels by how fair he will let me go.
It's like I am little Billy Krammer with a spoon and a quart of ice cream, just daring Johnno to try and stop me.
I am not sure what I am doing. I have spent the last few weeks with the boy, still in the midst of the sweet part, but finally getting to the place where it is starting to feel like a relationship and less of a idea of a relationship. We finally had our first fight--though it was more of a serious discussion with both of us teary than anything--which we got through with flying colors. It was awkward but not enough to give either of us pause and instead he spent the night cuddling instead of separate and seething.
But for some reason, I still find myself getting more and more difficult as of late. I'm not sure where it comes from; if it is from the diet and giving up sugar or if it is from being on the patch or if it is getting back to a work schedule or being super tired from just readjusting to life. I find myself being snappish without meaning to, feeling the harshness tone of my voice after it came out of my mouth and I know it shouldn't be happening. And it shouldn't be happening with Johnno and and I am not sure why it is.
All I know is I feel awful the moment afterwards and yet I don't know how to stop myself. And the problem is that I love Johnno to death, I have never had a moment of doubt about where we are with each other, and I have never felt so sure in such a small amount of time but I am somehow not able to not be difficult. This scares the hell out of me because I suddenly wondering if I am becoming the type of person I never wanted to be. If I was too single for too long and have become so jaded and standoffish that being with someone who treats me well is such a foreign idea that I am afraid to trust in it. It feels like I am somehow trying to test the relationship and gauge what Johnno feels by how fair he will let me go.
It's like I am little Billy Krammer with a spoon and a quart of ice cream, just daring Johnno to try and stop me.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Not A Diet
So Johnno and I have started on a new eating plan. It is basically like a no crab diet except it is really a no sugar meal plan for the first few weeks. It's been hard mostly because in the past when I've done it I have been able to eat certain things freely that I can't on this one. Johnno is really good at the food portion of the plan while I have really struggled--that said I am much better at the workout portion of things that he is.
That said, it's hard to be two gay boys in love when you can't do much. I also know that he is having a much quick bodt change than I am and it is kind of driving me crazy. It's not a competition but I would like to succeed.
But it is hard to avoid sugar and corn syrup and anything ending couse. (Spelling?) I like to be able to eat pretty quick with no prep but this plan has a lot of prep. But the bonus is I have learned how to make sugar free mayonaise as well as fake potatoes out of califlower. Both have turned out to be rather tasty if I say so myself.
Don't even get me started on fake sheppard's pie.
So Johnno and I have started on a new eating plan. It is basically like a no crab diet except it is really a no sugar meal plan for the first few weeks. It's been hard mostly because in the past when I've done it I have been able to eat certain things freely that I can't on this one. Johnno is really good at the food portion of the plan while I have really struggled--that said I am much better at the workout portion of things that he is.
That said, it's hard to be two gay boys in love when you can't do much. I also know that he is having a much quick bodt change than I am and it is kind of driving me crazy. It's not a competition but I would like to succeed.
But it is hard to avoid sugar and corn syrup and anything ending couse. (Spelling?) I like to be able to eat pretty quick with no prep but this plan has a lot of prep. But the bonus is I have learned how to make sugar free mayonaise as well as fake potatoes out of califlower. Both have turned out to be rather tasty if I say so myself.
Don't even get me started on fake sheppard's pie.
Sorry
I have been busy trying to adjust to a full work schedule. Between getting use to strum and drag of working full time with a revolving scheudle I have kind of let my blog--and writing in general--slack off.
It hasn't help things that I have started a new diet, returned back to a real gym schedule, going back on the patch, had Edie leave agin for a film, visits from both Naomi and Chloe as well as spending a ton of time with Johnno when my energy and mood allow.
Hopefully this week will allow me to get back into a proper schedule. I have a lot to say.
I have been busy trying to adjust to a full work schedule. Between getting use to strum and drag of working full time with a revolving scheudle I have kind of let my blog--and writing in general--slack off.
It hasn't help things that I have started a new diet, returned back to a real gym schedule, going back on the patch, had Edie leave agin for a film, visits from both Naomi and Chloe as well as spending a ton of time with Johnno when my energy and mood allow.
Hopefully this week will allow me to get back into a proper schedule. I have a lot to say.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
It's Not Me and Yet the Mirror Says It Is
I know this shouldn't bother me. I feel silly putting it to words but as I sit in my room late Sunday evening I can't help but feel a little bummed. With Johnno so close now, it is much easier and simple for us to spend the night away since it is so much easier to get together. But that said
Tonight is the first Sunday night we have spent sleeping in seperate beds since we began "dating". I didn't even think about that until I was out of his car and making my way into the apartment and it made me a bit sad. I feel foolish and silly for even having these thoughts and yet I wish he was here with me. Even though it doesn't make sense.
It's probably a combination of him heading off to Seattle for next weekend, my work schedule which will change our dynamics since we have almost always had time and I understand that in a very rationally way. But emotionally?
I kind of wish he was here with me.
I know this shouldn't bother me. I feel silly putting it to words but as I sit in my room late Sunday evening I can't help but feel a little bummed. With Johnno so close now, it is much easier and simple for us to spend the night away since it is so much easier to get together. But that said
Tonight is the first Sunday night we have spent sleeping in seperate beds since we began "dating". I didn't even think about that until I was out of his car and making my way into the apartment and it made me a bit sad. I feel foolish and silly for even having these thoughts and yet I wish he was here with me. Even though it doesn't make sense.
It's probably a combination of him heading off to Seattle for next weekend, my work schedule which will change our dynamics since we have almost always had time and I understand that in a very rationally way. But emotionally?
I kind of wish he was here with me.
Happiness
So the other day I realized that most of my posts have been negative. And when they are semi-bitchy, they're not really forthcoming in any major way. And then Lucy wrote this blog entry about being happy and how that makes it hard to write. It's true.
Somehow being happy means lack of conflict, the end of the struggle, the smooth sailing in whatever narrative you invested in--tv, novel, blog. But I also think that most people don't like to write about being content or hapy because it feels like bragging or showing off. That talking about happiness is akin to rubbing someone else's face in their own unhappiness, their own strife or lack of joy. Which is bullshit.
I'd like to believe that if I write about all the ways I am happy that the people who inest themselves in knowing me from here would be happy for me. That my truimphs and joys are about me being better for any other reason then that's my current reality. With that in mind, I decided to make a list of all the happy things of late.
1) Saturdays and Sundays. With my job at BB, I tend to fall of the face of the Earth. The show shoots 24/7 and part of my job is to be there and cover what happens from top to bottom. So for a few months I suddenly am AWOL socially and it is needed and a good thing--it also sucks. But this season I managed to secure the weekends as my two days off. This means I can go to the beach, the mall, to dinners and BBQ, to drinks with friends and spend nights with the boy. It's a good thing.
2) Naomi. My friend Naomi moved to Las Vegas a few years back and she was recently here for the better part of ten days. It was nice to be lunch with her, to see a good film (Away We Go), to catch up with someone who is so seperate from my real life that I have no choice but to spend my time listening and gushing.
3) Heath and Ruby. It's been forever since I was able to spend any serious about of time with one of my favorite couples; between the baby on the way and three very hectic schedules I have been barely able to see boo to either one of them. Though it is scary as all get out to see the baby belly, it was nice to see two people so happy and on the verge of so much.
4) Apartments. Johnno finally moved from Mar Vista to a nice apartment down the way from me in North Hollywood. While it has been hard work between the moving, the shopping and the settling in...it is such a relief to know that he is only 8 minutes away rather than 45. I like knowing he is close enough that we can spend more time together--it makes me sleep better at night.
5) Chloe. Chloe is coming down from San Fran this weekend and staying at the Dollhouse for a weekend of mischief and catching up. I'm excited to have her here for sleepovers and Starlight Room shenanigans. It's been forever since it has been just us--even though I really wish Lucy could have come down with her.
6) Edie. It's been weird to realize that Edie has been here so much in the past year--for so long she has been off and running around the world working on films that i forget how much I value her in my life. Between late night dance parties and runaway trips to Tiffany's or just laying by the pool in Palmdale and catching up--it's been so great and will be hard when she leaves for filming in Detriot.
7) The Dollhouse. Yes, my apartment makes me happy. Between redecorating the bedroom, the living room and simple streamlining, I have found myself more nested and zen then I have been in awhile. And now that we are on the first year--almost--of Lola joining the household, I can say that everything here feels balanced from decor to roommates. I just feel so happy that it seems to work so well even when it's not perfect.
That all being said, I hope that everyone else out there reading this has their own list to be happy about. It should be easier than it seems but takes more time then you think.
So the other day I realized that most of my posts have been negative. And when they are semi-bitchy, they're not really forthcoming in any major way. And then Lucy wrote this blog entry about being happy and how that makes it hard to write. It's true.
Somehow being happy means lack of conflict, the end of the struggle, the smooth sailing in whatever narrative you invested in--tv, novel, blog. But I also think that most people don't like to write about being content or hapy because it feels like bragging or showing off. That talking about happiness is akin to rubbing someone else's face in their own unhappiness, their own strife or lack of joy. Which is bullshit.
I'd like to believe that if I write about all the ways I am happy that the people who inest themselves in knowing me from here would be happy for me. That my truimphs and joys are about me being better for any other reason then that's my current reality. With that in mind, I decided to make a list of all the happy things of late.
1) Saturdays and Sundays. With my job at BB, I tend to fall of the face of the Earth. The show shoots 24/7 and part of my job is to be there and cover what happens from top to bottom. So for a few months I suddenly am AWOL socially and it is needed and a good thing--it also sucks. But this season I managed to secure the weekends as my two days off. This means I can go to the beach, the mall, to dinners and BBQ, to drinks with friends and spend nights with the boy. It's a good thing.
2) Naomi. My friend Naomi moved to Las Vegas a few years back and she was recently here for the better part of ten days. It was nice to be lunch with her, to see a good film (Away We Go), to catch up with someone who is so seperate from my real life that I have no choice but to spend my time listening and gushing.
3) Heath and Ruby. It's been forever since I was able to spend any serious about of time with one of my favorite couples; between the baby on the way and three very hectic schedules I have been barely able to see boo to either one of them. Though it is scary as all get out to see the baby belly, it was nice to see two people so happy and on the verge of so much.
4) Apartments. Johnno finally moved from Mar Vista to a nice apartment down the way from me in North Hollywood. While it has been hard work between the moving, the shopping and the settling in...it is such a relief to know that he is only 8 minutes away rather than 45. I like knowing he is close enough that we can spend more time together--it makes me sleep better at night.
5) Chloe. Chloe is coming down from San Fran this weekend and staying at the Dollhouse for a weekend of mischief and catching up. I'm excited to have her here for sleepovers and Starlight Room shenanigans. It's been forever since it has been just us--even though I really wish Lucy could have come down with her.
6) Edie. It's been weird to realize that Edie has been here so much in the past year--for so long she has been off and running around the world working on films that i forget how much I value her in my life. Between late night dance parties and runaway trips to Tiffany's or just laying by the pool in Palmdale and catching up--it's been so great and will be hard when she leaves for filming in Detriot.
7) The Dollhouse. Yes, my apartment makes me happy. Between redecorating the bedroom, the living room and simple streamlining, I have found myself more nested and zen then I have been in awhile. And now that we are on the first year--almost--of Lola joining the household, I can say that everything here feels balanced from decor to roommates. I just feel so happy that it seems to work so well even when it's not perfect.
That all being said, I hope that everyone else out there reading this has their own list to be happy about. It should be easier than it seems but takes more time then you think.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Sorry
I haven't bloggged the past few days. though I have been adding plenty of enteries--I'm in the process of taking my myspace blog and adding it into my centeral blog here. It's not because I have gone anti-myspace but rather I would like to have one focused and full blog for myself.
The truth is--I will probably dismantel my myspace page after I finish the blog move. While I'm not saying facebook is better I do tend to find it much more interactive than myspace which is something i enjoy. I never was a big commentor on other people's pages on myspace; I primarily used it for music, blogging and reading other people's blog because the noticafication made the process so simple. But now I think I'm ready to possibly let that page go.
We'll see. And I'll blog properly tomorrow about life. It's been good
I haven't bloggged the past few days. though I have been adding plenty of enteries--I'm in the process of taking my myspace blog and adding it into my centeral blog here. It's not because I have gone anti-myspace but rather I would like to have one focused and full blog for myself.
The truth is--I will probably dismantel my myspace page after I finish the blog move. While I'm not saying facebook is better I do tend to find it much more interactive than myspace which is something i enjoy. I never was a big commentor on other people's pages on myspace; I primarily used it for music, blogging and reading other people's blog because the noticafication made the process so simple. But now I think I'm ready to possibly let that page go.
We'll see. And I'll blog properly tomorrow about life. It's been good
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tomorrow is Back To School Day
So I go back to work tomorrow. It's been awhile since I could say that and while I know I need to do this for multiple reasons... I still don't want. It's not because unemployment has been a hot bed of excitement but because I just feel like I am settling.
And I hate that. I feel like I am doing this job because it is there, for no other reason than I have to. I know how spoiled that sounds, how flippant in this current environment but it is how I feel. I have been so blessed to be able to pick and choose my work situtations and to be excited, challenged and proud of what I am doing. But I don't feel this way about tomorrow.
I just have to repeat the same thing in my head again and again. A magical little number that will help me get through the next few months. I know it will be worth it in the end and yet the end is so far away.
I mean-technically I haven't even had the begining.
So I go back to work tomorrow. It's been awhile since I could say that and while I know I need to do this for multiple reasons... I still don't want. It's not because unemployment has been a hot bed of excitement but because I just feel like I am settling.
And I hate that. I feel like I am doing this job because it is there, for no other reason than I have to. I know how spoiled that sounds, how flippant in this current environment but it is how I feel. I have been so blessed to be able to pick and choose my work situtations and to be excited, challenged and proud of what I am doing. But I don't feel this way about tomorrow.
I just have to repeat the same thing in my head again and again. A magical little number that will help me get through the next few months. I know it will be worth it in the end and yet the end is so far away.
I mean-technically I haven't even had the begining.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Unlikely Man Crush
Okay kids--I know any and all music fans will give me crap for this... But for some reason I have been listening to a lot of Jason Mraz this past week. I'm not sure why but I'm really feeling his cover of 'Rainbow Connection' and it makes me smile and giggle. Add to that his clever lyrics (some of the time) and his 'I don't give a fuck' attuide and it is just a current crush.
I mean--he is with a chicken! More than once! That shite cracks me up which is always a good segway to a snog.
Okay kids--I know any and all music fans will give me crap for this... But for some reason I have been listening to a lot of Jason Mraz this past week. I'm not sure why but I'm really feeling his cover of 'Rainbow Connection' and it makes me smile and giggle. Add to that his clever lyrics (some of the time) and his 'I don't give a fuck' attuide and it is just a current crush.
I mean--he is with a chicken! More than once! That shite cracks me up which is always a good segway to a snog.
Never A Fan of the Big Top But Always a Ringmaster
So I don't like humilation. I don't think this makes me clever or unique--millions of people feel the same way but normally I am quite adept at dodging it. But for full disclosure I have to revisist the BB promotion.
Long story short--I didn't get the higher position. I knew during my interview that the vibe was there was a journalist who was probably up for it and would knock me out of the running but still... It seemed that both the producers I met with really like me and we had a good talk so I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Add to that the hints at other jobs and I figured something else would pop up.
After a long 'it's not you, it's me' style rejection I had to suck up my pride and agree to my previous position. It wasn't my plan, and I should be grateful at how well I came out of the interview, but it took a few days to shake off the egg from my face. And I'm not really sure who knows what but I have a sense that everyone seems to know what was up so I will have to use my poise and humor to shoulder through.
But it feels embarrassing on some level and so I have to focus on all the good to come out of BB. The good pay, the free food, the cheap gym membership, the great relationships I have with the majority of my co-workers. That I can continue to be as good as I have always been then move on to something else for the future. Though it will be hard cause it felt like I fell off the trapeze in front of the whole circus.
I'll just have to be prepared to crack the whip at any naysayers.
So I don't like humilation. I don't think this makes me clever or unique--millions of people feel the same way but normally I am quite adept at dodging it. But for full disclosure I have to revisist the BB promotion.
Long story short--I didn't get the higher position. I knew during my interview that the vibe was there was a journalist who was probably up for it and would knock me out of the running but still... It seemed that both the producers I met with really like me and we had a good talk so I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Add to that the hints at other jobs and I figured something else would pop up.
After a long 'it's not you, it's me' style rejection I had to suck up my pride and agree to my previous position. It wasn't my plan, and I should be grateful at how well I came out of the interview, but it took a few days to shake off the egg from my face. And I'm not really sure who knows what but I have a sense that everyone seems to know what was up so I will have to use my poise and humor to shoulder through.
But it feels embarrassing on some level and so I have to focus on all the good to come out of BB. The good pay, the free food, the cheap gym membership, the great relationships I have with the majority of my co-workers. That I can continue to be as good as I have always been then move on to something else for the future. Though it will be hard cause it felt like I fell off the trapeze in front of the whole circus.
I'll just have to be prepared to crack the whip at any naysayers.
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