A Meandering Post

So I was bitch yesterday. I mean—just hell on wheels, Leona Helmsly on a bender, PMS meets hot flashes type bitch.

I was hanging with Kirby (who since she has a night job is able to meet up during the day and while I am unemployed it works well for both of us) and we ran over to Burbank to help gets some stuff together for her Halloween. This worked well for I was looking for a few items too and so we made our way all merry. As the day went on though, I became increasingly annoyed at my inability to find the elements for my own costume. And while this happens every year—I just found myself being snappish and borderline rude as the afternoon progressed.

I felt bad as Kirby and I said good bye; I wasn’t be much of a fun friend and I tried to figure out why that was. Part of it is that I am not really into the Halloween party this year (due to the girls being in Mexico) and as such I am not much into my costume. (I actually stole my idea from some one else who will not be at the party but still…) And As I lay in bed I realized that it was because I was bummed that this is the last year of the Detroit Street party and it was making me sad. Ten years of fun and costumes, drinking and smoking, meeting boys and dancing with friends would have to be different after this year.

It seems that that for the past year or so all I have been living through has been changes. All the weddings, the aftermath of breaking up with Samuel, the Lizzie fiasco, Naomi moving to Las Vegas and Kaylee moving in and then out and off to Portland. I barely saw both Charity and Ruby in the past twelve moths and even had a dry spell with all of my writing. (This blog included.) So it has felt like my world is changing but I’ll still me.

And yet I have to admit there have been huge upsides as well. I became closer friends with Nolan in all of this, Lola now lives with us and is an amazing roommate, I returned to BB and conquered. I have finally developed abs lines and was able to be a part of some of the best memories of any of my friends’ lives. And even though I haven’t been able to do everything right I have done pretty well. And still I feel a bit off and lost compared to most I know.

So I spent today making the best of things. I picked up the glasses for my costume; I managed to get in a nice workout and was even able to allow myself a slight cheat night in terms of food. Which is all good but as I stayed in tonight I couldn’t help but wonder if I was becoming a bit of a spinster. I found myself watching ‘The Starter Wife’ while just lying on my couch as my friends all were off doing something interesting. So I put on my glasses to test out how they felt.

Now the glasses have been a bit of an obsession with me, not just due to my costume but also do to my own preference of eyewear. I’m not sure if it is because of Encyclopedia Brown or my mom or even Indiana Jones but for some strange reason I have always wanted glasses. One of the weirdest disappointments ever was finding out that my eyes are perfectly fine and that I might never need them but even still… I spent the night just hanging out with my glasses on, studying my face in the mirror and even went to 711 in them. For some reason I just find them awesome—not just for me and how smart they make me feel but because they just make me think everything with glasses is cooler. (I make passes at boys in glasses.)

And I as I prepared my costume and all details for tomorrow I allowed myself to just give all the negative thoughts a break. I will look cute in my costume tomorrow. Staying in tonight is just me resting up for an awesome party with some of my favorite people in one of my favorite places in the world. And perhaps I might just feel braver and smarter and even more together because of all the things that are coming together. Maybe I’ll even amaze myself tomorrow and make a good final memory or two.

And if all that fails—I love my glasses.

(See I told you this was meandering)