Ab-normal

This is a true story. I know at times my life comes off as a bit too much; its kind of the point I think. But this entire story is true—top to bottom—and I’m trying to figure out what it is supposed to all mean. It started off as an ordinary night’s sleep, a bit warm and a bit restless but it was sleep nonetheless with no reason to really be disturbed. And then this thing happened (and I know this thing happens all the time to everybody) where I just woke straight up out of a dream in a start.

As I took in a confused breath or two, I found my mind struggling to focus on what just happened. After a moment, I realized that I was halfway in bed, just waiting for something to happen, with my hands on my stomach. Now if I was a girl, this would be the part where you might assume I was cramping and if this was a movie and I was a girl, this would be the big foreshadowing to a pregnancy but since I am not a girl and this is not a movie your best bet would be to guess it was either a sickness or a muscle spasm. As my mind continued to puzzle box its’ way back together, I realized that I was very familiar with my current position and as the last pieces slid into place I realized what my hands where doing. They were trying to gauge the intensity of my body as they had done many a time in the recent past--turns out I had woken myself up mid-crunch.

I was doing my abs routine in my sleep.

Now this could mean a million things. It could be that my life long neurosis about my weight has reared its ugly head. Even at my best, I am constantly in battle with my past eating disorder, my body image waxes and wanes all the time and this could just be a new and odd side effect that means something totally different and yet totally familiar. Kind of a like a soap opera—vaguely similar but enough to throw the audience off. It is obviously kind of freaking me out but not enough to feel like I need any outside help because it could be other things.

It could be about me being the single person in my group of friends, my fear that I am not doing enough to be datable and that my subconscious self is trying to force things along. That maybe my inner self seems to think I need to get more done and this was how it chose to manifest itself. I hate the notion that somehow I might be (in the back of my mind) desperate enough to think I need so much help with my love life that rest is not an option. But even then this is bull because I have (in the past month) had two separate times where I was chased after by a guy and flat out denied them. So its not that I don’t realize that I am attractive in some way.

It’s quite possible that I am just that crazy. But hey—if this gets better ab action happening then maybe I should go with it.