My Eyes Are Green and Feeling Mean
Episode Six

Okay—I’m about to be unfair. I am well aware of this but it is also how I feel in the moment, enough so that I am turning to my words, which means something. I guess the last month or so has really surprised me with my lack of skills in the romance department.

I guess I should explain myself a bit better. It’s just that I have either been in situations or had chances to be in situations where I did nothing at all—I just become shut down and immovable. The truth is I am rather shy when it comes to strangers which I think surprises most people because once you are in I am totally different. Add to this the fact that I don’t have any gay friends—exes and lesbians don’t count—which makes it very hard to meet other gay men single or otherwise.

Throw into this mix that I am currently living with a dating machine and it just leaves me feeling rather ugly and incapable. I mean—the newest roommate has been a slew of dates and other romantic intrigues and yet I can’t even seem to strike up a conversation much less a date to strike out with. And I know that this is mostly my fault—you can’t meet people if you don’t put yourself in positions to actually be around possible new love interests. And its getting to the point that I don’t even want to hear about any other singles stories since I feel so unattractive and out of the loop.

And I know this isn’t fair. That if I want to make any forward movement in my love life I have to get out there but that’s hard to do alone. I mean—I look into finding gay activity groups but there’s not any that do things I like, I go to clubs alone which is not good when you’re shy but I don’t really have anyone else to go with (This is not a plea for tons of comments about how all my girls will gay out for me) and I’m not confident enough to just run into someone out and about for a chat up.

But I need to figure out some type of plan or I have only myself to blame. And I need to not be jealous but it’s hard. I guess I just really want to be kissed as of late. And I’m not normally this guy