Anti Fashion—CROCS

I’m just going to point something out here. These are the world’s ugliest shoes.




I juts don’t get the appeal….at all. And there is always an ugly somewhere out there on the fashion scene but most ideas have a defense of some sort. I mean, Uggs at least looked really comfortable even if they gave the impress that you had stolen the footwear of a poor defenseless Eskimo. But Crocs? They’re like Jellies fat ugly cousin who is never going to fit in.

I mean—I could understand wearing these if you were going to be taking a shower in a pubic place—like the community swimming pool or at a campground or even the gym—and your only choice was to be either seen in these shoes or getting some type of foot disease. No one deserves foot disease. But then again, no one deserves to have their feet look like this…



Maybe it would help if we set some ground rules. Some way for people to know when wearing Crocs is appropriate. Here’s the best guideline I can think of…

1) Crocs may be worn when gardening in the privacy of one’s own yard/estate.

2) Crocs may be worn by anyone in a service position that requires standing all day such as co-op worker or Starbuck barista.

3) Lesbians at large. But not the lipstick lesbians.

4) Lesbian gardeners that work at the local co-op between shifts at Starbucks are ENCOURAGED to wear Crocs. Your life is painful enough already.


But what is not appropriate is this…




Seriously?! What is this about?

If anyone I loved ever showed up at red carpet event in my honor with these shoes on—they would get escorted out. This is like the ‘fuck you’ of footware to even think that this would be the ‘right choice’. It’s not even the right choice for a party at the Super House.

It’s not that I’m against comfort. But I am against ugly.