Um…Yeah…Okay…Alright…

It’s been brought to my attention that I have been holding back as of late. Not just to my blog but to a certain someone. Samuel to be exact. About a week ago we were in bed talking and he brought up the fact that I have never said I love him. At least not here—in my blog.

Of course I was a little startled. I hadn’t noticed the oversight and wondered why I hadn’t done that yet. It stuck in my head for a few days and it wasn’t until after a night of hanging with Kelly and watching ‘Sex in the City’ that I took any major time to sit back and think about this.

I was walking home that night and as I went over the events of the last few days that I realized how much our relationship had changed as of late. It changed more in the days following but all together in this past week and a day there has been some major steps between us and where we are headed.

First of there was the meeting of the parents. I know I got all crazy about the event here before hand but I never really discussed what actually went down. The meeting went fine with a few missteps—I ended up first meeting his parents without him since Samuel had to park the car, I threw up in the bathroom due to nerves, I forgot to thank his father for buying my coffee, that type of thing. But for the most part it was lovely and I definitely learned some things about the boy—outside of the embarrassing stories told—and got a hard look at what we could be like down the road. And I’m okay with that view.

A couple of days later was the return to the free clinic and the results of our tests. Of course there were shenanigans; the building was locked and so none of the staff could getting in leading us to be a bit snappy with each other, which was mostly due to the nerves. The actually reveal only took a few moments and obviously everything is fine (knock on wood) and what trip could be complete without the crazy guy? (Yeah—the cunt is still a cunt. Fabulous.)

Of course the next day was Valentine’s which was laid back and sedate. We did all the things that make us work as a couple—a nap, fast food, debate and discussion of his writing with some time throw in for swinging. (At the playground-pervs.) And as we went to bed that night I realized it was probably the best V-Day ever; even with the lack grand romantic gestures. That just ain’t us.

But the biggest step forward was us finally (finally) having sex. It was a very organic moment that got us there and while we haven’t fully explored everything yet (the cold sore is still in the way of things with the kissing) it was an amazing start. And the fact that I was his first means so much more than I can say. But it does make me wish I had waited too.

Thinking over all these events made me realize something that I already knew. I do love this boy and for all the right reasons. We make sense and we balance each other. We allow each other so much room to be ourselves and yet are seamless close in the right moments. And while it’s not perfect—it’s like Samuel always says, “You don’t have to be perfect—just be Rory” and that holds true for the relationship. We don’t have to be perfect—we have to be us.

And while loving him scares me—there is a lack of happy endings in my family history—I know that it is all I can do right now. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is silly and wasteful and not fair to what we have or to whom we are. So yeah-I guess what I’m saying is I love this boy. Hopefully that is more than enough.