Chances are…

So after the Halloween party I was feeling good. I spent Halloween Day with Lizzie and Valeska over along Indian brunch and mild shopping for cute t-shirts and household goods. We had ice cream and I rehashed the Chance story from the night before. We all swapped boy stories and laughed at our good luck. It was fun.

Then the night rolled around and I had plans with Joy, Grant and Irene (??!!) to hit the Weho Costume Parade. I was excited most because of the fact that Chance’s band Mutator was playing at one of the main stages and figured we could hang and watch the show and just have fun. I knew it was unlikely to see Chance and didn’t want to get myself all psyched up.

Joy and I arrived late and after phone tag with Grant and Irene we tried to make our way through the crowded fun. We were both somewhat cranky and tired but did our best to laugh and enjoy the various costumes and nudity.

As we made our way down the street, we finally stumbled across the Mutator stage. It was crowded and uncomfortable and just miserable but a fun show. And Joy asked if I thought I would see Chance and I said no. The crowd was too thick and in the way.

The truth of the matter was that I was afraid to see Chance. I was worried that the night before was a fluke—a random act of drunken confession and confusion. I didn’t want ton risk seeing him and having a bad reaction or worse—no reaction at all. But as I stood there and watched the cute couples around us, gay and straight, all just together and something in my head flipped.

I spend a lot of time not really going after what I want—what I truly desire because then I can’t be disappointed. And as I realized this, I knew I want to try and see him. Not for the two of us but because I needed to do something. I had to try for what I want even if I failed.

And suddenly the night felt like a John Cusak movie. People moved out of the way as I wrapped Joy’s arms around my neck and barreled toward the stage. I didn’t care about couples or kids or the elderly. I was going to get to the stage regardless. And as we got 2/3 of the way to stage, the band finished.

As the crowd started to move and get thinner Joy and I reached the security fence. We were watching the band clear off stage and we were debating what to do. I briefly debate calling over a member of the band to pass a message but felt that would be pathetic. Joy looked at me and as I was saying I wanted to give up she looked away. And before I realized it, she was calling Chance’s name. Because there he was, standing 15 feet away—blue Mohawk and all.

And as he turned and saw us, a smile came over both our faces. And as he came to the fence, he outstretched his arms and gave the best hug one can over the fence. After a moment of reintroduction for him and Joy, we were backstage and talking. I briefly met his dad (I know—what?!) and Chance left to find us passes for the VIP room. As we stood there, I couldn’t believe it.

We talked with his dad (I know—what?!) and I briefly felt odd. No one wants to have a romantic moment in front of the dad and so I wrote the evening off as just social. And as Chance returned with the passes, I realized he didn’t have one for his dad. So the thereof us went off to the VIP tent and as we entered we spotted Steve from BB—dressed as a jester to boot.

So Joy, Chance and I stood in the VIP room with drinks and made chitchat. After a bit, Steve somehow charmed his way in to the VIP tent and managed to amuse Joy long enough for me and Chance to talk along. I rubbed his Mohawk and he leaned into my neck as we stood there. After a few minutes we stood there and locked eyes. We leaned into each other and I felt that the night before wasn’t a mistake but more of a step forward. And even though we kissed and swayed, I was aware of the whole room. Of Joy being a good friend for waiting, of Steve dancing with the bartenders, of the people milling about. And for the first time in along time I felt special.

I was so overwhelmed by the feelings of the moment that I left to use the restroom. I borrowed Joy’s cell phone to apologize to Irene and Grant for not meeting them and after a few moments of random waiting and steadying myself, back in I went. And as we stood leaning into other I wondered we could go. But chance’s dad showed up and Joy was tired so off we went. And I became a twit.

On the long walk back to the car I was giggly and glowing. Joy admitted that while I was gone she and Chance talked about me and I was excited. Because made this meant he liked me. And now I don’t know what I should do but I feel like it is his move. But it is nice to know that for one night more, I felt special… Where it goes from there…I’m not sure.