This is funny....

This is a list of rules explaining what is gay and what is straight male on holiday... Cracks me up...Enjoy



#1 - It's Not Gay If You Pull Out MYTH. This is patently false, proven by the fact that gay porn has money shots. Just like pulling out to unload on some tits doesn't make you gay, pulling out of the manhole to paint Hawaii on some dude's back doesn't keep you straight.

#2 - It's Not Gay If You're In Prison TRUTH. Just like rape is less an act of sex than it is of power, so gay prison sex is more about status and dominance than actual homosexuality. And hey, should you find yourself having a good time, this doesn't make you any less straight - it's only if you start robbing the 7-11 next to the police station just to get some guilt-free cock that you need to start questioning your identity.

#3 - It's Not Gay If You're Just Getting a BJ From a Guy AMBIGUOUS. Here we have a case with subtle distinctions - this can still be 100% straight if A) he's paying you and B) you need the money for hard drugs. If you can afford the crack without the john's patronage, then you should admit that you are at least a little bit gay; it's ok.

#4 - It's Not Gay If It's Gay Pride Month MYTH. Sure, any guy can get excited about the Super Bowl, even if he's not really a football fan. But if you're going to be hanging out the window of a red, white and blue Fiero trailing a ten-foot Puerto Rican flag on Puerto Rican Pride Day, you should probably be Puerto Rican. The same goes for gayness.

#5 - It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard MYTH. This rumor has persisted around Providence, RI for some time, and no one is sure why, as it is completely untrue. It may be more exotic, it may be more fun, there may be a greater likelihood that your partner has not bathed his ass in weeks, but it is by no means less gay.

#6 - It's Not Gay If Your Partner Is Under Age 12 TRUTH. The question to ask yourself is, are you a man of the cloth? If not, simply complete divinity school as quickly as possible, and you can do whatever the hell you want with the offspring of anyone who is still foolish enough to raise their children Catholic.


#7 - It's Not Gay If You're Too Drunk to Drive TRUTH. Most everyone has woken up next to someone whose level of attractiveness barely qualifies as human, and yet we still consider ourselves attractive people; a similar standard is at work when it comes to gayness. The yardstick here is your level of drunkenness - if you are, in the vernacular, a "twelve-beer queer," consider yourself 100% straight. If, however, you are a "two-beer queer," you may as well drop the "two-beer" pretense.

#8 - It's Not Gay If It's Your Uncle MYTH. This one has a gray area. While being touched inappropriately (or completely railed) by an uncle is not necessarily gay, neither is it likely to be very enjoyable. Therefore, for the purpose of our study, the point is moot. If it is you who are fucking your uncle, you should know that this is essentially the gayest thing you can possibly do.


#9 - It's Not Gay If It's With an Animal TRUTH. This, strangely enough, is true. It's really no gayer to fuck a bull in the ass than it is to fuck a cow in the vagina, so feel free to go to town in this case. However, it should be noted that if you suck the bull's cock, it then becomes gay.

#10 - It's Not Gay If There's a Girl Involved TRUTH AND MYTH. This is true, as long as you're on her opposite ends, or at least in different holes. A little congratulatory ass-slapping, even feeling the other guy's wang through the ass/vagina walls is within the acceptable margin, but if he's doing her while you're doing him, your hetero status drops by a few percentage points.

#11 - It's Not Gay If You're Only Doing It to Impress a Girl TRUTH. While admittedly counterintuitive, this is true. Just like you love to watch two girls make out, so do many girls love to watch guys engaged in gay sex (nothing turns a straight girl on like watching two guys do it). Hey brah, anything for some pussy, right? As long as you're in there, you might as well throw your ankles over your head, grab some hairy ass and enjoy yourself.

#12 - It's Not Gay If You're at the Proctologist's TRUTH. Number one, there's a legally binding confidentiality between doctor and patient, so your reputation will stay unsullied. Plus, consider this - the man has his hand up your ass, massaging your prostate - no one's going to blame you for blowing your wad onto the exam table.

#13 - It's Not Gay If You're In the Army TRUTH. This is the ultimate free pass for gay sex. Don't ask, don't tell, sure, but can you show me where they say "don't do?" You can't, because THEY DON'T. You can be as gay as you want, and as long as you're in the Army, it never happened. Go on, Be As Gay As You Can Be! Semper Fi, boys.