Looking for Roomies...
Ammie is out and now the hunt begins... I was thinking of ad like this...
"236 is looking for a roommate--it is just like "227" except we kicked Mary out and Jackee is gay..."
Sound good?
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Monday, September 27, 2004
Okay now...
So I know what the show is--I'm not pleased though I do know a number of people would love to work on this project... It is just one of these jobs where no one seems to know what they are doing and so then I am almost ready to put a thumb up my ass just to stay awake... Really now...
Though it is not as bad as I thought it would be in terms of hours, which is only funny given the walk here took a little longer than I though. But whatever I guess... Though after living through a day like this--I am willing to marry anyone for any amount of money just to not have to do this stuff... Sigh...
But whatever right? Morals doesn't equal money and so I should just shut up and follow on this entire path I have newly chosen... I guess...
When will Sat be here so I can see Chance...:(:(:(
(the managment apologize for the childness of this post. The real Rory will be back tomorrow.... Thank you for your support.)
So I know what the show is--I'm not pleased though I do know a number of people would love to work on this project... It is just one of these jobs where no one seems to know what they are doing and so then I am almost ready to put a thumb up my ass just to stay awake... Really now...
Though it is not as bad as I thought it would be in terms of hours, which is only funny given the walk here took a little longer than I though. But whatever I guess... Though after living through a day like this--I am willing to marry anyone for any amount of money just to not have to do this stuff... Sigh...
But whatever right? Morals doesn't equal money and so I should just shut up and follow on this entire path I have newly chosen... I guess...
When will Sat be here so I can see Chance...:(:(:(
(the managment apologize for the childness of this post. The real Rory will be back tomorrow.... Thank you for your support.)
Saturday, September 25, 2004
The End Of the Boy?
So the wrap party came and rocked my world. Drinking, dancing, smoking, being slutty. Just trying to have as much fun as I can… Kelly, Lizzie, Dax, Darryl, Victoria and Bess all came to the lot and rocked out with the crew and houseguests of Big Brother 5.
I was surprised by how much I cut loose. Dancing with producers, slamming drinks with Nakomis, running rampant with David and Michelle as we taunted the few hgs that needed it. And waiting to take a chance on Chance….
It wasn’t until the after party that I had any time to talk with the boy. I made my move outside, on the porch swing, in my usual passive aggressive way. I talked to him about all the rumors going around about us and owned up to a slight crush. He said nothing to help me out but cuddled on the swing. I felt like I was digging a ditch and just not getting any feedback.
But as he leaned into me I realized how much I wanted this and how scared I am of that exact thing. He got me my beers, smelled my arm and let me pet his Mohawk. We just danced around issues and flirted and talked—till Steven arrived.
Steven was on the show with us—older, browner than George Hamilton and skinny than a cigarette—buys clothing from “International Male” type gay. He is perky and funny and slow on the scene. He asked if I was gay—which is shocking given who I am and he worked with me for three months. So Steven is not the brightest guy in the world.
And this is the guy who just inserted himself into me and Chance for the rest of the night. I mean, in everyway possible. He stood there and just talked, and smoked, and followed us in for drinks. And I was losing it inside.
But I thought I could get around it because I would stay as long as I needed to. Imagine when I realized that Steven had come to the after party with Chance. Not in a romantic way but in a—I need a ride, too drunk to talk—way. So the rest of the night was very “Elmidate”, “Third Wheel” as I tried to not get pissed.
I still managed to have fun the rest of the night just hanging with the boy…and Steven. As the sun came up—that type of party—Chance made to leave and I walked with him and Steve out to the car. As we stood there waiting—Steven finally realized to get in the car—Chance and I hugged and he mumbled something in my shoulder.
Took me a couple of hours to figure what he said… And I keep that in my mind when I think of him. And now I have to figure out what to do about Chance—though he is coming to Lizzie and Kelly’s house warming party… We’re not done yet but I have to decide how much of my heart is on the table.
So the wrap party came and rocked my world. Drinking, dancing, smoking, being slutty. Just trying to have as much fun as I can… Kelly, Lizzie, Dax, Darryl, Victoria and Bess all came to the lot and rocked out with the crew and houseguests of Big Brother 5.
I was surprised by how much I cut loose. Dancing with producers, slamming drinks with Nakomis, running rampant with David and Michelle as we taunted the few hgs that needed it. And waiting to take a chance on Chance….
It wasn’t until the after party that I had any time to talk with the boy. I made my move outside, on the porch swing, in my usual passive aggressive way. I talked to him about all the rumors going around about us and owned up to a slight crush. He said nothing to help me out but cuddled on the swing. I felt like I was digging a ditch and just not getting any feedback.
But as he leaned into me I realized how much I wanted this and how scared I am of that exact thing. He got me my beers, smelled my arm and let me pet his Mohawk. We just danced around issues and flirted and talked—till Steven arrived.
Steven was on the show with us—older, browner than George Hamilton and skinny than a cigarette—buys clothing from “International Male” type gay. He is perky and funny and slow on the scene. He asked if I was gay—which is shocking given who I am and he worked with me for three months. So Steven is not the brightest guy in the world.
And this is the guy who just inserted himself into me and Chance for the rest of the night. I mean, in everyway possible. He stood there and just talked, and smoked, and followed us in for drinks. And I was losing it inside.
But I thought I could get around it because I would stay as long as I needed to. Imagine when I realized that Steven had come to the after party with Chance. Not in a romantic way but in a—I need a ride, too drunk to talk—way. So the rest of the night was very “Elmidate”, “Third Wheel” as I tried to not get pissed.
I still managed to have fun the rest of the night just hanging with the boy…and Steven. As the sun came up—that type of party—Chance made to leave and I walked with him and Steve out to the car. As we stood there waiting—Steven finally realized to get in the car—Chance and I hugged and he mumbled something in my shoulder.
Took me a couple of hours to figure what he said… And I keep that in my mind when I think of him. And now I have to figure out what to do about Chance—though he is coming to Lizzie and Kelly’s house warming party… We’re not done yet but I have to decide how much of my heart is on the table.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Try this to support equality...
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
> Contact: Dale Duncan (757) 257-6215
> dsd@boycottforequality.org
>
> Gays to Withdraw Cash from Banks October 8 -
Could Total Billions
>
> Atlanta, GA, September 22, 2004 - Organizers
of the Boycott For Equality
> are expanding their nationwide walkout to
include a coordinated cash
> withdrawal from the economy on October 8.
>
> To demonstrate the need for equality in
marriage and the workplace,
> Straight and Gay supporters will each take out
$80 from their local ATM.
>
> Boycott For Equality expects the action will
exhaust the cash in many
> ATMs, leaving a reminder of gay economic
power to all who try to use them
> throughout the long bank weekend.
>
> To further drive home the lessons taught during
the Boycott, participants
> should refer to the Boycott when communicating
with their elected
> representatives, particularly when candidates
ask for money to fund their
> campaigns.
>
> "Let them know you participated in the Boycott"
explained Duncan. "Just
> take your ATM receipt, cross out your account
number, circle your balance,
> write GAY MONEY on it and mail it to campaign
headquarters in the postage
> paid envelope they provide. They'll get the
message that nobody in America
> can be taken for granted."
>
> The amount represents the amount the average
member of the Lesbian, Gay,
> Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community
contributes to the US economy
> each day, and could grow beyond the $1.4
billion that LGBT workers
> contribute each day - more than $500 billion
each year according to
> computations by Washington D.C.-based public
relations firm Witeck-Combs
> Communications.
For more information, visit
www.boycottforequality.org
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
> Contact: Dale Duncan (757) 257-6215
> dsd@boycottforequality.org
>
> Gays to Withdraw Cash from Banks October 8 -
Could Total Billions
>
> Atlanta, GA, September 22, 2004 - Organizers
of the Boycott For Equality
> are expanding their nationwide walkout to
include a coordinated cash
> withdrawal from the economy on October 8.
>
> To demonstrate the need for equality in
marriage and the workplace,
> Straight and Gay supporters will each take out
$80 from their local ATM.
>
> Boycott For Equality expects the action will
exhaust the cash in many
> ATMs, leaving a reminder of gay economic
power to all who try to use them
> throughout the long bank weekend.
>
> To further drive home the lessons taught during
the Boycott, participants
> should refer to the Boycott when communicating
with their elected
> representatives, particularly when candidates
ask for money to fund their
> campaigns.
>
> "Let them know you participated in the Boycott"
explained Duncan. "Just
> take your ATM receipt, cross out your account
number, circle your balance,
> write GAY MONEY on it and mail it to campaign
headquarters in the postage
> paid envelope they provide. They'll get the
message that nobody in America
> can be taken for granted."
>
> The amount represents the amount the average
member of the Lesbian, Gay,
> Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community
contributes to the US economy
> each day, and could grow beyond the $1.4
billion that LGBT workers
> contribute each day - more than $500 billion
each year according to
> computations by Washington D.C.-based public
relations firm Witeck-Combs
> Communications.
For more information, visit
www.boycottforequality.org
It is staring at me...
There is a boxof blue hair color just staring at me. It is sitting on the edge of the table, the elephant in the room, waiting for me to sack up and just do it. I know I want to--always have ever since Ryan Phillepe in "Playing By Heart". But for some reason...I hesitate.
I'm not sure why that is--why out of all the weird funny crazy things I have done that this should be the line dare not crossed. It feels more like a statement then anything I have done and I am not sure what the statement means...
But I do know how it will be read. As a gay thing... Whenever Ido something different or odd it is thought to be a gay thing. The nose ring, the snarky t-shirts, the badtv movie lines, the kissing boys (well, okay, the last does count...) But it seems everything I do something outside the box that it comes back to that.
I would like to believe that I would always be the same person regardless of whom I bed... ButI don't think many people allow me that lattuide in life and I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about that. Really now...
SO instead I match glances with a box, not a even a living thing and debate what is going to say about me... Sigh... How pathetic is that?
There is a boxof blue hair color just staring at me. It is sitting on the edge of the table, the elephant in the room, waiting for me to sack up and just do it. I know I want to--always have ever since Ryan Phillepe in "Playing By Heart". But for some reason...I hesitate.
I'm not sure why that is--why out of all the weird funny crazy things I have done that this should be the line dare not crossed. It feels more like a statement then anything I have done and I am not sure what the statement means...
But I do know how it will be read. As a gay thing... Whenever Ido something different or odd it is thought to be a gay thing. The nose ring, the snarky t-shirts, the badtv movie lines, the kissing boys (well, okay, the last does count...) But it seems everything I do something outside the box that it comes back to that.
I would like to believe that I would always be the same person regardless of whom I bed... ButI don't think many people allow me that lattuide in life and I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about that. Really now...
SO instead I match glances with a box, not a even a living thing and debate what is going to say about me... Sigh... How pathetic is that?
Monday, September 20, 2004
Guess What I wished I did this weekend?
Pop singer Britney Spears married her fiance, dancer Kevin Federline, in a surprise ceremony, her record label said Sunday.
"She did marry him yesterday," Jive Records spokeswoman Sonia Muckle said. She declined to provide further details.
The wedding was held Saturday evening at a private home in the Studio City area with 20 to 30 people attending, "Entertainment Tonight" said on its Web site.
Pop singer Britney Spears married her fiance, dancer Kevin Federline, in a surprise ceremony, her record label said Sunday.
"She did marry him yesterday," Jive Records spokeswoman Sonia Muckle said. She declined to provide further details.
The wedding was held Saturday evening at a private home in the Studio City area with 20 to 30 people attending, "Entertainment Tonight" said on its Web site.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Just Bring it
I am ready for a new challenge... as BB rolls to its end I am just ready for the next thing... Show, boy, chances...whatever... Maybe it is time to write a book or get out there where the bright and shiny boys are or maybe run off to somewhere new... I guess I am just longing for some type excitement...
I don't know--maybe I always feel this way and I just ignore it for streches of time... I am ready for my close up and will get it any way possible... Options suggestions ideas? I'm up for anything.....
I am ready for a new challenge... as BB rolls to its end I am just ready for the next thing... Show, boy, chances...whatever... Maybe it is time to write a book or get out there where the bright and shiny boys are or maybe run off to somewhere new... I guess I am just longing for some type excitement...
I don't know--maybe I always feel this way and I just ignore it for streches of time... I am ready for my close up and will get it any way possible... Options suggestions ideas? I'm up for anything.....
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Rocking Out,,,,
Rocvking out at work tonight... A litle "Sister Christian" to get me through the night shift here at BB... Just realizing that everything is all a matter of how you look at... A good friend and major force in my life taught that "the universe never says no--only we do..." That is getting me through things because it is vcery easy at times to look at all you don't have, all you want, all you imagine you need...
I think that is where the trouble starts... here is mouch that we want for, that we 5think that we need and that we should have... Money, a boyfriend, a successful career by a certain point, a certain lifetsyle or a certain way of being or looking... I am starting to realize that it is finding the happiness in what we have as we go that make sit better...
Sometims it is a easy a cute t-shirt from target, or the hills lit up at night.... That the simpleness of that pretty stuff can get us past the all the bills, the fiughts, the drama, the thoughts that make us feel so small... That wanting is not the end goal but realizung what you have is the only thing that is real...
We can want to be a million things or in a million places... And that is fine as long as it is not a judgement against what I already have....
Rocvking out at work tonight... A litle "Sister Christian" to get me through the night shift here at BB... Just realizing that everything is all a matter of how you look at... A good friend and major force in my life taught that "the universe never says no--only we do..." That is getting me through things because it is vcery easy at times to look at all you don't have, all you want, all you imagine you need...
I think that is where the trouble starts... here is mouch that we want for, that we 5think that we need and that we should have... Money, a boyfriend, a successful career by a certain point, a certain lifetsyle or a certain way of being or looking... I am starting to realize that it is finding the happiness in what we have as we go that make sit better...
Sometims it is a easy a cute t-shirt from target, or the hills lit up at night.... That the simpleness of that pretty stuff can get us past the all the bills, the fiughts, the drama, the thoughts that make us feel so small... That wanting is not the end goal but realizung what you have is the only thing that is real...
We can want to be a million things or in a million places... And that is fine as long as it is not a judgement against what I already have....
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
I Don’t Hate LA But…
I have never hated LA. In a way LA has always made sense to me—you have to work really hard to make it really pretty. It’s just that simple. The problem is I don’t know what I am working for.
I look at my life in LA and just see so much lacking. No romantic prospects to see, a career track that isn’t really what I want, the inabilty to write anything meaningful and just a lack of hope of anything changing soon.
And this is not a rant against the city—I am aware of the choices that I have made and will continue to make if I stay here. Part of my life in this city is so easy. A large group of people to spend time with, jobs being offered without (looking in some cases) and even a cheap apartment to boot. And it is hard to walk away from that for the unknown.
But part of me is starting to wonder what I’m gaining by living this way, doing the same things and not making any real change. Maybe it would be better to jump feet first into the unknown, to try and see what I can make if I have no other choices. I know I am a strong person and have survived lot to get here—wherever that is.
And yet part of me is tired of having to try so hard. I don’t want to struggle anymore, to keep pushing, to keep fighting. Part of me just wants something simple. And yet even when I have it—this way—it is not enough. And I worry that it might never be enough ever. That’s what holds me back the most.
I have never hated LA. In a way LA has always made sense to me—you have to work really hard to make it really pretty. It’s just that simple. The problem is I don’t know what I am working for.
I look at my life in LA and just see so much lacking. No romantic prospects to see, a career track that isn’t really what I want, the inabilty to write anything meaningful and just a lack of hope of anything changing soon.
And this is not a rant against the city—I am aware of the choices that I have made and will continue to make if I stay here. Part of my life in this city is so easy. A large group of people to spend time with, jobs being offered without (looking in some cases) and even a cheap apartment to boot. And it is hard to walk away from that for the unknown.
But part of me is starting to wonder what I’m gaining by living this way, doing the same things and not making any real change. Maybe it would be better to jump feet first into the unknown, to try and see what I can make if I have no other choices. I know I am a strong person and have survived lot to get here—wherever that is.
And yet part of me is tired of having to try so hard. I don’t want to struggle anymore, to keep pushing, to keep fighting. Part of me just wants something simple. And yet even when I have it—this way—it is not enough. And I worry that it might never be enough ever. That’s what holds me back the most.
Sunday, September 12, 2004
I am signing over my power of attorney...any takers?
I am just tired of trying to figure out how to run my own life. Last night Chance and I talked for about 20 minutes and this on top of him leaving his guests to come hang out at my computer... And yet I have no idea what is going on and I am just too bewildered to figure it out... I just want to throw him againt the wall and kiss and say something clever like... I don't even know--I would just channel my inner Heather Locklear. This on top of my lack of writing and trime to even try and do it... I just feel so creatively empty to a degree and am waiting for inspiration to strike... I don't know. And after the vanishing script well--I am just burnt out. And with the new job choices well--one is screwing someone and yet I know that it is not screwing anyone because no one else is going to take care of me. So then I think that I am going to follow through on what I need and not feel guilty. I should apply that to all areas of my life but it is not going to happen... So if you want it--the power is yours. (this is not be confused with selling my soul. I don't believe in that.)
I am just tired of trying to figure out how to run my own life. Last night Chance and I talked for about 20 minutes and this on top of him leaving his guests to come hang out at my computer... And yet I have no idea what is going on and I am just too bewildered to figure it out... I just want to throw him againt the wall and kiss and say something clever like... I don't even know--I would just channel my inner Heather Locklear. This on top of my lack of writing and trime to even try and do it... I just feel so creatively empty to a degree and am waiting for inspiration to strike... I don't know. And after the vanishing script well--I am just burnt out. And with the new job choices well--one is screwing someone and yet I know that it is not screwing anyone because no one else is going to take care of me. So then I think that I am going to follow through on what I need and not feel guilty. I should apply that to all areas of my life but it is not going to happen... So if you want it--the power is yours. (this is not be confused with selling my soul. I don't believe in that.)
I am signing over my power of attorney...any taakers?
I am just tired of trying to figure out how to run my own life. Last night Chance and I talked for about 20 minutes and this on top of him leaving his guests to come hang out at my computer... And yet I have no idea what is going on and I am just too bewilderedd to figure it out... I just want to throw him againt the wall and kiss and say something clever like... I don't even know--I would just channel my inner Heather Locklear.
This on top of my lack of writing and trime to even try and do it... I just feel so creatively empty to a degree and am waiting for inspiration to strike... I don't know. And after the vanishing script well--I am just burnt out.
And with the new job choices well--one is screwing someone and yet I know that it is not screwing anyone because no one else is going to take care of me. So then I think that I am going to follow through on what I need and not feel guilty. I should apply that to all areas of my life but it is not going to happen...
So if you want it--the power is yours. (this is not be confused with selling my soul. I don't believe in that.)
I am just tired of trying to figure out how to run my own life. Last night Chance and I talked for about 20 minutes and this on top of him leaving his guests to come hang out at my computer... And yet I have no idea what is going on and I am just too bewilderedd to figure it out... I just want to throw him againt the wall and kiss and say something clever like... I don't even know--I would just channel my inner Heather Locklear.
This on top of my lack of writing and trime to even try and do it... I just feel so creatively empty to a degree and am waiting for inspiration to strike... I don't know. And after the vanishing script well--I am just burnt out.
And with the new job choices well--one is screwing someone and yet I know that it is not screwing anyone because no one else is going to take care of me. So then I think that I am going to follow through on what I need and not feel guilty. I should apply that to all areas of my life but it is not going to happen...
So if you want it--the power is yours. (this is not be confused with selling my soul. I don't believe in that.)
Saturday, September 11, 2004
How it feels
I think this is how it feels when it works... Childish and by the most available means possible.
Ten years...
I almost forgot--it took head injury to remind what this time is... I was looking for an old short story when my freshmen year journal fell out of the back of my closet and grazed my head. I had forgotton I kept it...
I sat on the floor cross legged and flipped through the yellowed pages and looked through the first couple months of my life with you all. And it got me to thinking about how weirdly amazing and fun the past ten years have been...
All the parties and sacvenger hunts, baseball games and parties, the student films and random parties... The break-ups we had, the classes we slept through, the all nighters and the days skipping classes... The nights of the guitar and singing, the nights sneaking back into Charlesgate and hours wasted in the dining hall.
All the nights we drank (or smoked as the case may be), the trips in New York and the fun in Los Angeles, the nights at the movies and the long walks along the Common. And all the places we have been and all the memories we have... And I know that I am being foolish and snetinemnt but I just wanted to say thank you....
I don't think that I ever saw it going this long and still can't realize how much further we have to go...
I almost forgot--it took head injury to remind what this time is... I was looking for an old short story when my freshmen year journal fell out of the back of my closet and grazed my head. I had forgotton I kept it...
I sat on the floor cross legged and flipped through the yellowed pages and looked through the first couple months of my life with you all. And it got me to thinking about how weirdly amazing and fun the past ten years have been...
All the parties and sacvenger hunts, baseball games and parties, the student films and random parties... The break-ups we had, the classes we slept through, the all nighters and the days skipping classes... The nights of the guitar and singing, the nights sneaking back into Charlesgate and hours wasted in the dining hall.
All the nights we drank (or smoked as the case may be), the trips in New York and the fun in Los Angeles, the nights at the movies and the long walks along the Common. And all the places we have been and all the memories we have... And I know that I am being foolish and snetinemnt but I just wanted to say thank you....
I don't think that I ever saw it going this long and still can't realize how much further we have to go...
Friday, September 10, 2004
Any Advice...
Looking for any good advice on how to find out if this boy likes me... I don't trust myself to just ask him and I am not sure why. I guess it is the risk factor and rejection possbilties and just all of that seems to add up to a place I can't go from. And my usual trend of making him want me and, by default, I am in control of the situtation and then not being at risk. And I know that it is manipulative and all that fun stuff but what can you do?
I guess I could try and be more brave and just bite the bullet and think that I am cool enough to do it myself but I don't know if I believe that. And I can't read where he is coming from and I don't want to make a fool of myself or fuck things up in a work siutation though I can be cooler than cool and won't let that happen but still I always brace for worse case senario... Sigh...
I just want to be loved for who I am--not what I do or don't do, look or don't look, believe or don't believe.... And I guess that just seems greedy.
Looking for any good advice on how to find out if this boy likes me... I don't trust myself to just ask him and I am not sure why. I guess it is the risk factor and rejection possbilties and just all of that seems to add up to a place I can't go from. And my usual trend of making him want me and, by default, I am in control of the situtation and then not being at risk. And I know that it is manipulative and all that fun stuff but what can you do?
I guess I could try and be more brave and just bite the bullet and think that I am cool enough to do it myself but I don't know if I believe that. And I can't read where he is coming from and I don't want to make a fool of myself or fuck things up in a work siutation though I can be cooler than cool and won't let that happen but still I always brace for worse case senario... Sigh...
I just want to be loved for who I am--not what I do or don't do, look or don't look, believe or don't believe.... And I guess that just seems greedy.
Job drama..
Not to sound ungrateful but I have joib drama. I kind of committed to one job after BB but now there is a problem. I got a phone call today for a vastly better job--longer show by a couple of months and though the money might be less it is a longer job than the first offer. And while I never signed contract for either show i feel guilty about turning down the first job since I have doen everything except say yes to it.
But the 2nd job is all about longer time and is better for the long run than me. I just don't want to risk burning bridges and getting in big trouble with possible bosses down the road. I don't know. I guess I have to say yes to the longer job and it is better for me and I should not care about anything but that.
But is hard to be selfish at times but I am learning more to say yes to thr ight for me and not the right ting for everyone lese around me. It is just hard.
Not to sound ungrateful but I have joib drama. I kind of committed to one job after BB but now there is a problem. I got a phone call today for a vastly better job--longer show by a couple of months and though the money might be less it is a longer job than the first offer. And while I never signed contract for either show i feel guilty about turning down the first job since I have doen everything except say yes to it.
But the 2nd job is all about longer time and is better for the long run than me. I just don't want to risk burning bridges and getting in big trouble with possible bosses down the road. I don't know. I guess I have to say yes to the longer job and it is better for me and I should not care about anything but that.
But is hard to be selfish at times but I am learning more to say yes to thr ight for me and not the right ting for everyone lese around me. It is just hard.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
The Return of Chance...
So the boy is back today and I am borderline all a twitter about it. But who knows, I am on the line of just doing nothing at all and just riding it out.... I know that it is stupid but it is me--sigh. By the way--random story--I got this in a fortune cookie....
If you take chances you will get Lucky...
This is distrubing because it is the boy (lucky) real name....
So the boy is back today and I am borderline all a twitter about it. But who knows, I am on the line of just doing nothing at all and just riding it out.... I know that it is stupid but it is me--sigh. By the way--random story--I got this in a fortune cookie....
If you take chances you will get Lucky...
This is distrubing because it is the boy (lucky) real name....
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Hmm...
Looking for suggestion oon how to kill time at work... I need good internet sites for fun that can be work friendly.... This is all i have been up to.... Work. And know i have another job lined up less then a week after this ends so--I might go nuts. Part of me knows that I shgould be happy about it but 10 hours of this and 12 hours at the next job... It gets hard to recharge after work and relax. Because it is hard but not stressfull and that drives me nuts.., No brain power needed but time gone. So give suggestions.
Looking for suggestion oon how to kill time at work... I need good internet sites for fun that can be work friendly.... This is all i have been up to.... Work. And know i have another job lined up less then a week after this ends so--I might go nuts. Part of me knows that I shgould be happy about it but 10 hours of this and 12 hours at the next job... It gets hard to recharge after work and relax. Because it is hard but not stressfull and that drives me nuts.., No brain power needed but time gone. So give suggestions.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Wanna know gay?
This is funny.... This is a list of rules explaining what is gay and what is straight male on holiday... Cracks me up...
Enjoy .1 - It's Not Gay If You Pull Out MYTH. This is patently false, proven by the fact that gay porn has money shots. Just like pulling out to unload on some tits doesn't make you gay, pulling out of the manhole to paint Hawaii on some dude's back doesn't keep you straight. .
2 - It's Not Gay If You're In Prison TRUTH. Just like rape is less an act of sex than it is of power, so gay prison sex is more about status and dominance than actual homosexuality. And hey, should you find yourself having a good time, this doesn't make you any less straight - it's only if you start robbing the 7-11 next to the police station just to get some guilt-free cock that you need to start questioning your identity.
3 - It's Not Gay If You're Just Getting a BJ From a Guy AMBIGUOUS. Here we have a case with subtle distinctions - this can still be 100% straight if A) he's paying you and B) you need the money for hard drugs. If you can afford the crack without the john's patronage, then you should admit that you are at least a little bit gay; it's ok.
4 - It's Not Gay If It's Gay Pride Month MYTH. Sure, any guy can get excited about the Super Bowl, even if he's not really a football fan. But if you're going to be hanging out the window of a red, white and blue Fiero trailing a ten-foot Puerto Rican flag on Puerto Rican Pride Day, you should probably be Puerto Rican. The same goes for gayness.
5 - It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard MYTH. This rumor has persisted around Providence, RI for some time, and no one is sure why, as it is completely untrue. It may be more exotic, it may be more fun, there may be a greater likelihood that your partner has not bathed his ass in weeks, but it is by no means less gay.
6 - It's Not Gay If Your Partner Is Under Age 12 TRUTH. The question to ask yourself is, are you a man of the cloth? If not, simply complete divinity school as quickly as possible, and you can do whatever the hell you want with the offspring of anyone who is still foolish enough to raise their children Catholic.
7 - It's Not Gay If You're Too Drunk to Drive TRUTH. Most everyone has woken up next to someone whose level of attractiveness barely qualifies as human, and yet we still consider ourselves attractive people; a similar standard is at work when it comes to gayness. The yardstick here is your level of drunkenness - if you are, in the vernacular, a "twelve-beer queer," consider yourself 100% straight. If, however, you are a "two-beer queer," you may as well drop the "two-beer" pretense.
8 - It's Not Gay If It's Your Uncle MYTH. This one has a gray area. While being touched inappropriately (or completely railed) by an uncle is not necessarily gay, neither is it likely to be very enjoyable. Therefore, for the purpose of our study, the point is moot. If it is you who are fucking your uncle, you should know that this is essentially the gayest thing you can possibly do.
9 - It's Not Gay If It's With an Animal TRUTH. This, strangely enough, is true. It's really no gayer to fuck a bull in the ass than it is to fuck a cow in the vagina, so feel free to go to town in this case. However, it should be noted that if you suck the bull's cock, it then becomes gay.
10 - It's Not Gay If There's a Girl Involved TRUTH AND MYTH. This is true, as long as you're on her opposite ends, or at least in different holes. A little congratulatory ass-slapping, even feeling the other guy's wang through the ass/vagina walls is within the acceptable margin, but if he's doing her while you're doing him, your hetero status drops by a few percentage points.
11 - It's Not Gay If You're Only Doing It to Impress a Girl TRUTH. While admittedly counterintuitive, this is true. Just like you love to watch two girls make out, so do many girls love to watch guys engaged in gay sex (nothing turns a straight girl on like watching two guys do it). Hey brah, anything for some pussy, right? As long as you're in there, you might as well throw your ankles over your head, grab some hairy ass and enjoy yourself.
12 - It's Not Gay If You're at the Proctologist's TRUTH. Number one, there's a legally binding confidentiality between doctor and patient, so your reputation will stay unsullied. Plus, consider this - the man has his hand up your ass, massaging your prostate - no one's going to blame you for blowing your wad onto the exam table.
13 - It's Not Gay If You're In the Army TRUTH. This is the ultimate free pass for gay sex. Don't ask, don't tell, sure, but can you show me where they say "don't do?" You can't, because THEY DON'T. You can be as gay as you want, and as long as you're in the Army, it never happened. Go on, Be As Gay As You Can Be! Semper Fi, boys.
This is funny.... This is a list of rules explaining what is gay and what is straight male on holiday... Cracks me up...
Enjoy .1 - It's Not Gay If You Pull Out MYTH. This is patently false, proven by the fact that gay porn has money shots. Just like pulling out to unload on some tits doesn't make you gay, pulling out of the manhole to paint Hawaii on some dude's back doesn't keep you straight. .
2 - It's Not Gay If You're In Prison TRUTH. Just like rape is less an act of sex than it is of power, so gay prison sex is more about status and dominance than actual homosexuality. And hey, should you find yourself having a good time, this doesn't make you any less straight - it's only if you start robbing the 7-11 next to the police station just to get some guilt-free cock that you need to start questioning your identity.
3 - It's Not Gay If You're Just Getting a BJ From a Guy AMBIGUOUS. Here we have a case with subtle distinctions - this can still be 100% straight if A) he's paying you and B) you need the money for hard drugs. If you can afford the crack without the john's patronage, then you should admit that you are at least a little bit gay; it's ok.
4 - It's Not Gay If It's Gay Pride Month MYTH. Sure, any guy can get excited about the Super Bowl, even if he's not really a football fan. But if you're going to be hanging out the window of a red, white and blue Fiero trailing a ten-foot Puerto Rican flag on Puerto Rican Pride Day, you should probably be Puerto Rican. The same goes for gayness.
5 - It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard MYTH. This rumor has persisted around Providence, RI for some time, and no one is sure why, as it is completely untrue. It may be more exotic, it may be more fun, there may be a greater likelihood that your partner has not bathed his ass in weeks, but it is by no means less gay.
6 - It's Not Gay If Your Partner Is Under Age 12 TRUTH. The question to ask yourself is, are you a man of the cloth? If not, simply complete divinity school as quickly as possible, and you can do whatever the hell you want with the offspring of anyone who is still foolish enough to raise their children Catholic.
7 - It's Not Gay If You're Too Drunk to Drive TRUTH. Most everyone has woken up next to someone whose level of attractiveness barely qualifies as human, and yet we still consider ourselves attractive people; a similar standard is at work when it comes to gayness. The yardstick here is your level of drunkenness - if you are, in the vernacular, a "twelve-beer queer," consider yourself 100% straight. If, however, you are a "two-beer queer," you may as well drop the "two-beer" pretense.
8 - It's Not Gay If It's Your Uncle MYTH. This one has a gray area. While being touched inappropriately (or completely railed) by an uncle is not necessarily gay, neither is it likely to be very enjoyable. Therefore, for the purpose of our study, the point is moot. If it is you who are fucking your uncle, you should know that this is essentially the gayest thing you can possibly do.
9 - It's Not Gay If It's With an Animal TRUTH. This, strangely enough, is true. It's really no gayer to fuck a bull in the ass than it is to fuck a cow in the vagina, so feel free to go to town in this case. However, it should be noted that if you suck the bull's cock, it then becomes gay.
10 - It's Not Gay If There's a Girl Involved TRUTH AND MYTH. This is true, as long as you're on her opposite ends, or at least in different holes. A little congratulatory ass-slapping, even feeling the other guy's wang through the ass/vagina walls is within the acceptable margin, but if he's doing her while you're doing him, your hetero status drops by a few percentage points.
11 - It's Not Gay If You're Only Doing It to Impress a Girl TRUTH. While admittedly counterintuitive, this is true. Just like you love to watch two girls make out, so do many girls love to watch guys engaged in gay sex (nothing turns a straight girl on like watching two guys do it). Hey brah, anything for some pussy, right? As long as you're in there, you might as well throw your ankles over your head, grab some hairy ass and enjoy yourself.
12 - It's Not Gay If You're at the Proctologist's TRUTH. Number one, there's a legally binding confidentiality between doctor and patient, so your reputation will stay unsullied. Plus, consider this - the man has his hand up your ass, massaging your prostate - no one's going to blame you for blowing your wad onto the exam table.
13 - It's Not Gay If You're In the Army TRUTH. This is the ultimate free pass for gay sex. Don't ask, don't tell, sure, but can you show me where they say "don't do?" You can't, because THEY DON'T. You can be as gay as you want, and as long as you're in the Army, it never happened. Go on, Be As Gay As You Can Be! Semper Fi, boys.
It's all about the Benjermans....
So I am on fish cam--you read that right. I sit and just think about the money and not trhe boredom though I have devised a way to knock myself at my desk. Creatively 101.
The weekend has been okay--party last night at Kelly's with drama optional. It is amazing what some people will do just toi have excitement. All i ask of people is to realize what choices you are making before you make them. If lie then don't be shocked when you are not trusted. If you sleep with someone in the group then it will get out. If you need to leave then just go and don't give any chance for others to tell you what to think. And if you hide in a bedroom with a door closed then don't be shocked when people want to know what is being talked about. Just some thing to think about.
That and don't make people choose between friends and expcected not to have fall out. Honestly now people...
So I am on fish cam--you read that right. I sit and just think about the money and not trhe boredom though I have devised a way to knock myself at my desk. Creatively 101.
The weekend has been okay--party last night at Kelly's with drama optional. It is amazing what some people will do just toi have excitement. All i ask of people is to realize what choices you are making before you make them. If lie then don't be shocked when you are not trusted. If you sleep with someone in the group then it will get out. If you need to leave then just go and don't give any chance for others to tell you what to think. And if you hide in a bedroom with a door closed then don't be shocked when people want to know what is being talked about. Just some thing to think about.
That and don't make people choose between friends and expcected not to have fall out. Honestly now people...
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Thursday, September 02, 2004
I guess I should Stop Masturbating...
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The more a man ejaculates each week, the lower his sperm levels fall, new research shows. However, this ejaculatory frequency only partly explains why a man's sperm count varies widely each time it's checked. Yahoo! Health Have questions about your health? Find answers here. The findings, which appear in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility, are based on a study of 27 healthy men who provided monthly semen samples and responded to questionnaires regarding ejaculatory frequency, duration of abstinence, and episodes of fever. The subjects were followed for 16 months. No seasonal variations in sperm levels, movement, or shape were seen, lead author Dr. Elisabeth Carlsen and colleagues, from Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen, note. However, ejaculation frequency was higher in spring months than in the winter months. As noted, sperm levels fell as weekly ejaculatory frequency increased. Compared with one ejaculation, sperm level fell 29 percent with two ejaculations and by 41 percent with three ejaculations. In contrast, ejaculatory frequency seemed to have no effect on sperm movement or shape. The sperm characteristics noted in one sample often differed greatly from those observed in a subsequent sample from the same subject. This wide variation dropped markedly when three semen samples were used instead of two. Ejaculation frequency, duration of abstinence, and the presence of a fever episode were small contributors to this variation. "The majority of the (this) variation remained unexplained," the authors note. The findings also suggest that "at least three semen samples should be recommended to estimate an individual's semen profile," they add.
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The more a man ejaculates each week, the lower his sperm levels fall, new research shows. However, this ejaculatory frequency only partly explains why a man's sperm count varies widely each time it's checked. Yahoo! Health Have questions about your health? Find answers here. The findings, which appear in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility, are based on a study of 27 healthy men who provided monthly semen samples and responded to questionnaires regarding ejaculatory frequency, duration of abstinence, and episodes of fever. The subjects were followed for 16 months. No seasonal variations in sperm levels, movement, or shape were seen, lead author Dr. Elisabeth Carlsen and colleagues, from Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen, note. However, ejaculation frequency was higher in spring months than in the winter months. As noted, sperm levels fell as weekly ejaculatory frequency increased. Compared with one ejaculation, sperm level fell 29 percent with two ejaculations and by 41 percent with three ejaculations. In contrast, ejaculatory frequency seemed to have no effect on sperm movement or shape. The sperm characteristics noted in one sample often differed greatly from those observed in a subsequent sample from the same subject. This wide variation dropped markedly when three semen samples were used instead of two. Ejaculation frequency, duration of abstinence, and the presence of a fever episode were small contributors to this variation. "The majority of the (this) variation remained unexplained," the authors note. The findings also suggest that "at least three semen samples should be recommended to estimate an individual's semen profile," they add.
This is funny....
This is a list of rules explaining what is gay and what is straight male on holiday... Cracks me up...Enjoy
#1 - It's Not Gay If You Pull Out MYTH. This is patently false, proven by the fact that gay porn has money shots. Just like pulling out to unload on some tits doesn't make you gay, pulling out of the manhole to paint Hawaii on some dude's back doesn't keep you straight.
#2 - It's Not Gay If You're In Prison TRUTH. Just like rape is less an act of sex than it is of power, so gay prison sex is more about status and dominance than actual homosexuality. And hey, should you find yourself having a good time, this doesn't make you any less straight - it's only if you start robbing the 7-11 next to the police station just to get some guilt-free cock that you need to start questioning your identity.
#3 - It's Not Gay If You're Just Getting a BJ From a Guy AMBIGUOUS. Here we have a case with subtle distinctions - this can still be 100% straight if A) he's paying you and B) you need the money for hard drugs. If you can afford the crack without the john's patronage, then you should admit that you are at least a little bit gay; it's ok.
#4 - It's Not Gay If It's Gay Pride Month MYTH. Sure, any guy can get excited about the Super Bowl, even if he's not really a football fan. But if you're going to be hanging out the window of a red, white and blue Fiero trailing a ten-foot Puerto Rican flag on Puerto Rican Pride Day, you should probably be Puerto Rican. The same goes for gayness.
#5 - It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard MYTH. This rumor has persisted around Providence, RI for some time, and no one is sure why, as it is completely untrue. It may be more exotic, it may be more fun, there may be a greater likelihood that your partner has not bathed his ass in weeks, but it is by no means less gay.
#6 - It's Not Gay If Your Partner Is Under Age 12 TRUTH. The question to ask yourself is, are you a man of the cloth? If not, simply complete divinity school as quickly as possible, and you can do whatever the hell you want with the offspring of anyone who is still foolish enough to raise their children Catholic.
#7 - It's Not Gay If You're Too Drunk to Drive TRUTH. Most everyone has woken up next to someone whose level of attractiveness barely qualifies as human, and yet we still consider ourselves attractive people; a similar standard is at work when it comes to gayness. The yardstick here is your level of drunkenness - if you are, in the vernacular, a "twelve-beer queer," consider yourself 100% straight. If, however, you are a "two-beer queer," you may as well drop the "two-beer" pretense.
#8 - It's Not Gay If It's Your Uncle MYTH. This one has a gray area. While being touched inappropriately (or completely railed) by an uncle is not necessarily gay, neither is it likely to be very enjoyable. Therefore, for the purpose of our study, the point is moot. If it is you who are fucking your uncle, you should know that this is essentially the gayest thing you can possibly do.
#9 - It's Not Gay If It's With an Animal TRUTH. This, strangely enough, is true. It's really no gayer to fuck a bull in the ass than it is to fuck a cow in the vagina, so feel free to go to town in this case. However, it should be noted that if you suck the bull's cock, it then becomes gay.
#10 - It's Not Gay If There's a Girl Involved TRUTH AND MYTH. This is true, as long as you're on her opposite ends, or at least in different holes. A little congratulatory ass-slapping, even feeling the other guy's wang through the ass/vagina walls is within the acceptable margin, but if he's doing her while you're doing him, your hetero status drops by a few percentage points.
#11 - It's Not Gay If You're Only Doing It to Impress a Girl TRUTH. While admittedly counterintuitive, this is true. Just like you love to watch two girls make out, so do many girls love to watch guys engaged in gay sex (nothing turns a straight girl on like watching two guys do it). Hey brah, anything for some pussy, right? As long as you're in there, you might as well throw your ankles over your head, grab some hairy ass and enjoy yourself.
#12 - It's Not Gay If You're at the Proctologist's TRUTH. Number one, there's a legally binding confidentiality between doctor and patient, so your reputation will stay unsullied. Plus, consider this - the man has his hand up your ass, massaging your prostate - no one's going to blame you for blowing your wad onto the exam table.
#13 - It's Not Gay If You're In the Army TRUTH. This is the ultimate free pass for gay sex. Don't ask, don't tell, sure, but can you show me where they say "don't do?" You can't, because THEY DON'T. You can be as gay as you want, and as long as you're in the Army, it never happened. Go on, Be As Gay As You Can Be! Semper Fi, boys.
This is a list of rules explaining what is gay and what is straight male on holiday... Cracks me up...Enjoy
#1 - It's Not Gay If You Pull Out MYTH. This is patently false, proven by the fact that gay porn has money shots. Just like pulling out to unload on some tits doesn't make you gay, pulling out of the manhole to paint Hawaii on some dude's back doesn't keep you straight.
#2 - It's Not Gay If You're In Prison TRUTH. Just like rape is less an act of sex than it is of power, so gay prison sex is more about status and dominance than actual homosexuality. And hey, should you find yourself having a good time, this doesn't make you any less straight - it's only if you start robbing the 7-11 next to the police station just to get some guilt-free cock that you need to start questioning your identity.
#3 - It's Not Gay If You're Just Getting a BJ From a Guy AMBIGUOUS. Here we have a case with subtle distinctions - this can still be 100% straight if A) he's paying you and B) you need the money for hard drugs. If you can afford the crack without the john's patronage, then you should admit that you are at least a little bit gay; it's ok.
#4 - It's Not Gay If It's Gay Pride Month MYTH. Sure, any guy can get excited about the Super Bowl, even if he's not really a football fan. But if you're going to be hanging out the window of a red, white and blue Fiero trailing a ten-foot Puerto Rican flag on Puerto Rican Pride Day, you should probably be Puerto Rican. The same goes for gayness.
#5 - It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard MYTH. This rumor has persisted around Providence, RI for some time, and no one is sure why, as it is completely untrue. It may be more exotic, it may be more fun, there may be a greater likelihood that your partner has not bathed his ass in weeks, but it is by no means less gay.
#6 - It's Not Gay If Your Partner Is Under Age 12 TRUTH. The question to ask yourself is, are you a man of the cloth? If not, simply complete divinity school as quickly as possible, and you can do whatever the hell you want with the offspring of anyone who is still foolish enough to raise their children Catholic.
#7 - It's Not Gay If You're Too Drunk to Drive TRUTH. Most everyone has woken up next to someone whose level of attractiveness barely qualifies as human, and yet we still consider ourselves attractive people; a similar standard is at work when it comes to gayness. The yardstick here is your level of drunkenness - if you are, in the vernacular, a "twelve-beer queer," consider yourself 100% straight. If, however, you are a "two-beer queer," you may as well drop the "two-beer" pretense.
#8 - It's Not Gay If It's Your Uncle MYTH. This one has a gray area. While being touched inappropriately (or completely railed) by an uncle is not necessarily gay, neither is it likely to be very enjoyable. Therefore, for the purpose of our study, the point is moot. If it is you who are fucking your uncle, you should know that this is essentially the gayest thing you can possibly do.
#9 - It's Not Gay If It's With an Animal TRUTH. This, strangely enough, is true. It's really no gayer to fuck a bull in the ass than it is to fuck a cow in the vagina, so feel free to go to town in this case. However, it should be noted that if you suck the bull's cock, it then becomes gay.
#10 - It's Not Gay If There's a Girl Involved TRUTH AND MYTH. This is true, as long as you're on her opposite ends, or at least in different holes. A little congratulatory ass-slapping, even feeling the other guy's wang through the ass/vagina walls is within the acceptable margin, but if he's doing her while you're doing him, your hetero status drops by a few percentage points.
#11 - It's Not Gay If You're Only Doing It to Impress a Girl TRUTH. While admittedly counterintuitive, this is true. Just like you love to watch two girls make out, so do many girls love to watch guys engaged in gay sex (nothing turns a straight girl on like watching two guys do it). Hey brah, anything for some pussy, right? As long as you're in there, you might as well throw your ankles over your head, grab some hairy ass and enjoy yourself.
#12 - It's Not Gay If You're at the Proctologist's TRUTH. Number one, there's a legally binding confidentiality between doctor and patient, so your reputation will stay unsullied. Plus, consider this - the man has his hand up your ass, massaging your prostate - no one's going to blame you for blowing your wad onto the exam table.
#13 - It's Not Gay If You're In the Army TRUTH. This is the ultimate free pass for gay sex. Don't ask, don't tell, sure, but can you show me where they say "don't do?" You can't, because THEY DON'T. You can be as gay as you want, and as long as you're in the Army, it never happened. Go on, Be As Gay As You Can Be! Semper Fi, boys.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I guess I should Stop Masturbating...
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The more a man ejaculates each week, the lower his sperm levels fall, new research shows. However, this ejaculatory frequency only partly explains why a man's sperm count varies widely each time it's checked.
Yahoo! Health
Have questions about your health?
Find answers here.
The findings, which appear in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility, are based on a study of 27 healthy men who provided monthly semen samples and responded to questionnaires regarding ejaculatory frequency, duration of abstinence, and episodes of fever. The subjects were followed for 16 months.
No seasonal variations in sperm levels, movement, or shape were seen, lead author Dr. Elisabeth Carlsen and colleagues, from Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen, note. However, ejaculation frequency was higher in spring months than in the winter months.
As noted, sperm levels fell as weekly ejaculatory frequency increased. Compared with one ejaculation, sperm level fell 29 percent with two ejaculations and by 41 percent with three ejaculations. In contrast, ejaculatory frequency seemed to have no effect on sperm movement or shape.
The sperm characteristics noted in one sample often differed greatly from those observed in a subsequent sample from the same subject. This wide variation dropped markedly when three semen samples were used instead of two. Ejaculation frequency, duration of abstinence, and the presence of a fever episode were small contributors to this variation.
"The majority of the (this) variation remained unexplained," the authors note.
The findings also suggest that "at least three semen samples should be recommended to estimate an individual's semen profile," they add.
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The more a man ejaculates each week, the lower his sperm levels fall, new research shows. However, this ejaculatory frequency only partly explains why a man's sperm count varies widely each time it's checked.
Yahoo! Health
Have questions about your health?
Find answers here.
The findings, which appear in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility, are based on a study of 27 healthy men who provided monthly semen samples and responded to questionnaires regarding ejaculatory frequency, duration of abstinence, and episodes of fever. The subjects were followed for 16 months.
No seasonal variations in sperm levels, movement, or shape were seen, lead author Dr. Elisabeth Carlsen and colleagues, from Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen, note. However, ejaculation frequency was higher in spring months than in the winter months.
As noted, sperm levels fell as weekly ejaculatory frequency increased. Compared with one ejaculation, sperm level fell 29 percent with two ejaculations and by 41 percent with three ejaculations. In contrast, ejaculatory frequency seemed to have no effect on sperm movement or shape.
The sperm characteristics noted in one sample often differed greatly from those observed in a subsequent sample from the same subject. This wide variation dropped markedly when three semen samples were used instead of two. Ejaculation frequency, duration of abstinence, and the presence of a fever episode were small contributors to this variation.
"The majority of the (this) variation remained unexplained," the authors note.
The findings also suggest that "at least three semen samples should be recommended to estimate an individual's semen profile," they add.
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