The Way It Works or an Explanation for My Behavior.

Okay. So I know. I have been bad as of late with the boys and even a little boy crazy. It started with St. Patrick’s Day and has been carried on for the better part of this month. Some people I am sure have lost respect for me while others are just rolling their eyes and trying not to laugh. First things first though…an explanation for what I have been doing with all the boys.

My group of friends is a straight group, sure there are a few other gays like Nick and Grover but for the most part it is all breeder with myself as the token. This is something of a problem at times because then when chance comes along I tend to dive in feet first. I don’t blame anyone for this situation; it is just the lay of the land and something I have to deal with. It is a paradox of sorts, if I want more gay friends then I have to not only work at finding them but also send less time and energy with my nearest and dearest. It would be different if they wanted to go out to gay bars or do gay things or even understood my problem but I can’t fault them for not understanding. This just sets the stage for some of my actions.

St. Patrick’s Day was supposed to be a normal party for this group—what that means is that Kelly and Valeska would flirt with random boys, the usual suspects would get drunk and I would spend the whole night either avoiding Walker’s “straight” advances or avoiding Nick’s mixed bag of “let’s be friends” or “ignore you all night because we used to hook up back when I drank”. Neither one was promising so I just decided to ride the night out in a cute outfit with beer in one hand and witty comments in the other.

Then entered Martine. Martine was a friend of the deejay and just a cute boy. I noticed him pretty quickly coming into the party but was busy and shy and a million other things that would prevent me for talking to him. As the party got into swing though, I noticed that he kept staring at me out of the corner of his eye. And while I thought this was kewl, I just wrote it off, mostly because I had a chance to be introduced but blew it off.

Then came Walker. He showed at the party with Vedder and was just a little drunk. I decided to avoid him too and proceeded to use my normal party behavior. Say hi to the usual friends, place bets of the phone number-hooking up pool and just have a laugh. The plan was working well till I saw something that tripped my switch. After saying hi to Nick briefly, because I knew I was buzzed and knew how he felt about that stuff, I ducked into the kitchen to see if there was more food to bring out. Valeska was there and we talked briefly but the window distracted me. The sight of Walker being all flirty with Martine at the deejay booth. And something snapped.

With a simple statement of “I’m not going to be cockblocked by a “straight” boy, I was off and running. I downed my beer and set off towards the two guys. I gave a quick hello to Walker, who kissed me on the cheek; I introduced myself to Martine and proceeded to get in Walker’s way. I flirted with both boys but always gave the upper hand to Martine. I did take Walker outback to yell at him for playing the drunken “I’m not gay but wanna go home with a boy” shite but this plan was undermined a little by letting him kiss me for a bit as well as several other things that straight guys don’t do.

After detangling myself from that situation I went inside to get some soda and take a break. The night wouldn’t have been complete without running into Nick though and so we quickly exchanged some words. He asked why I was so quiet that night and I said, well I have been busy off flirting with boys and so that’s why you haven’t noticed me much. That said, I turned and let him in my wake. I wasn’t trying to be rude but honestly, I just want Nick to get over this passive/aggressive stance that he was been taking with me. It’s trying.

Eventually, Walker was carted off for home and I just hung out with Martine and some other boys. We talked about music and Canada and a million odd things and I had fun. I apologized for Walker’s behavior—which seems to be what all his friends do so…--and Martine was cool with it. Then we had a very cute talk, which ended with a small little kiss. A peck really, but for me… This was new ground. Guys to flirt with that weren’t playing games or going to deny after the fact. Some people might say I was a little out of control that night—I did get a tiara for my behavior—but I think it was just one of the first times I was allowed to have fun with boys that I could have something real with. And that was ONLY Martine by the way. I don’t need any bad rumors started.