I’ve Been Bad.

I have been. Really. I have been ignoring you and, by default, myself. There have been parties and bars and jobs ending. Shopping sprees and hook ups that have made it easy to hide. The truth is that life has been hard, partially because of the job ending and all this free time and open spaces in my life.

But that’s not what has been keeping me away from you. It’s all these things that have been happening around me. Friends getting married, bar hopping to meet boys, going on dates, dealing with babies or jobs and a million other things that give me pause. Make me wonder what I am doing with my time. Ruby brought up this thing about how the stars re-a-line at a certain point in one’s life to the same spots that they were when you were born. That this creates a huge change point where either one changes or stays the same as they have been all along. This is what why people around this age are most likely to kill themselves—it’s the stars. And this is making me take stock of the shop that is Rory.

The questions of have I done enough, try enough, been the things that I thought I would be. I’m not sure that I have been. That maybe I haven’t be doing the right things for me but instead have been making space for everyone else’s bullshit. That all this strum and drang isn’t about me because I’m not doing the things that I want or need. And that I need to decide what it is that I want next.

And that’s the rub… I have no idea. Any suggests? The peanut gallery is open.