Okay.... So I am the first to admit that my last post was rough.... My mom read it and sent me a response that broke my heart.... I guess I was being too much (as per the norm) and that I stepped on some toes....

What I meant by the last posting was simply that it is rough sometimes.... To face all the things that you aren't sure you want to be. To see the ways that people sometimes miss you... But the harshest point of all is the realization that being home makes me face my self and my decisions...

Going home is like finding my ghost... That 13 year old version of me, of what I thought I would have and could have.... Facing all things that I did right and wrong... That maybe I wasn't ever as clever or talented or as much as I once thought I was.....

I know that sometimes dreams change, that life gives you a new view on the world, that the things you once held dear are as important as you thought.... But it is hard not to wonder where you could have gone if you listen to that kid inside you... That maybe life would be better if I could drink dirty martinis evry Friday, that I haven't put enough effort in love live, that I have given up too soon on things that still seem to matter or that kiddo couldn't make me care. While it is hard to disappoint most people it is much harder to disappoint your self.