Afterwards

Christmas is finally over.

Finally.

I am sure that I will do a more in depth posting later but for now I am just glad to feel like I am free of the whole thing. It's not that I don't love the sentiment or the bustle but every year I worry. Not about what I am getting for gifts but what I am giving.

See--I pride myself on knowing the people in my life reasonably well. I like to think that I am a good observer of human nature and can read people up to a point. I am not saying I am pyschic or can see deeper than most people but I like to think I can usually get close to the bone within my friendships.

And I always try to make my holiday gifts an extention of that--something that they would get for themselves, or something they need, or something that they would enjoy discovering for the first time. And I worry that when I mess up--a book someone won't like, or a shirt that doesn't fit or something unequal to what I am given by them--that it is a sign that I might not know the person or that the relationship is not as good as I imagined.

There is historical proof on this subject.

So when the final days count down to the holiday I tend to get jumpy. I worry that I have read those I love wrong or done the thing or sent the wrong message. And I am well aware of how "crazy" this makes me and yet--there it is.

Yet now the day has passed and i can get back to the other stuff. Back to working out and eating right, back to New Year's lists and taking stock of myself from A to Z. I have no problems doing that at all.

I think that is why New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday--I hold myself accountable.