It's The Thinking That Kill It

I have been frozen in place as of late. I have been trying to put off serious decisions by surrounding them with so much claptrap that by the time everything is settled the time for action has passed. This is not a good thing.

Last week I submitted myself for a job; not a job I wanted but a job I figured I should go after. It isn't what I want, it is more like a step backwards, so I found myself creating ways to hesitate. I did the bare amount of effort and then put the ball in the hands of the other party to ensure that I didn't have to make a choice. This is not smart for a bunch of reasons; finanical, careerwise, and lifestyle but i seemed unable to stop myself.

And now I feel guilty and worried and have to see if I can fix things. But the truth is I know what I need to do but I am scared and spoiled and being selfish. I don't know where this all came from but it is making me into someone I know I am not. I just have to push myself to remember how hard I can fight and what I am fighting over.

Just trust and go forth as oppossed to navel-gazing. It's hard