Things You Do and When You Do Them.

Timetables have always mattered to me. Whether it is my career, my friendships, my writing—all have had a set period of time and place to be down. But nowadays it seems that nothing matters and I don’t seem to care.

It doesn’t matter that I told Johnno I love him two months into our relationship. (This is something I didn’t do with Samuel or Fernando or even Dawson.) He has things that he leaves here, I always include in all of my plans even when I don’t think I should like girls’ trips and holiday celebrations. I called him my soul mate in a drunken haze, told Edie that if he gave a certain ultimatum that I would break my pattern, I hold his hand whenever I can and wherever we are. Normally it would take me forever to make certain moves and yet I am constantly doing them.

And so I wonder if I am on the edge of good or bad—if I am the edge of right and wrong. I guess I will just keeping tempting fate, pushing at the edges of what is reasonable until further notice.