About Last Night

I don't know what to say. I could say that I was anxious all night long. I could have said that Johnno had to watch me be a hot mess because of my nerves. I could say that I was edgy and jumping because all i wanted was a cigarette. I could say that I didn't know how his friends and my friends would have meshed. I could have said I was worried about us getting a table for the game. I could have said I was restless and jumpy. I could have said that I have been feeling a bit of of sorts with getting things done--my things. I could have pointed out that I was all over the place because I don't know where my place is at the moment and the sudden weight of that came crashing down on me. I could have been honest and open and shared.

But I didn't.

I didn't because I didn't have the right words. I didn't because I felt like I was being ganged up on. I didn't because when certain people come after me I am at a loss because they are people who I trust and give so much more openess to and when they come at me--I don't know what to do. I Know that even now writing this could get me in trouble but i don't know where else to put my feelings. i could say so mcuh more.

But instead I will write the night off. I will put away what happened and file it under an unlucky turn of events. Under a night of bad behavior. Of bead decisions all on my part. But I will not keep it all bottle up.