Taking a Break from Happy.

So I have decided to not be happy for a while. Not to be depressed or dull or boring but to just not want happiness. I think that where I get into my troubles is that I get so worked up about trying to figure out what to do to be happy, how to be happy and how find happy and then what would make me happy that I get all caught up and chasing my own tail. It's gotten to the point where I get depressed watching HGTV shows because they show cute partners and their remodeled former firehouse turned brownstones and I realize that they aren't much older than me and that I have never been close to a relationship like that ever and what am I doing wrong and then I get upset and then I do something stupid. Like shopping on-line or having a one night stand or drinking or all three at once. And then I wonder why I can't seem to get my shit together.

At least for now I am taking a break from the expectations and just letting myself be. Maybe then I can have more fun. Hopefully.