Shy

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so shy. I want to be the guy who meets new people with ease, can talk with strangers like Kelly does, approach guys with the confidence of Valeska or even Eddy. But I’m not that guy—I go quiet and just watch the action as though it was a movie, exchanging aloofness for friendliness. And I’m not sure why.

Case in point; I went out to Club Fuel on Saturday by myself. I thought I looked cute, a little tan and dressed nice. I was all smiles and sweetness until I entered the club. The first thing I did was grab a beer and find a spot to watch the action. And the place was packed with all types of boys and their girl posses.

And what did I do? Nothing at all—though I was dying to dance, though 2 different guys talked with me, even though I had gone out to at least try to do the ‘gay’ thing. And I couldn’t do that, just stood there like a statue and watched.

Why? I don’t know. I feel like I should be able to be social—that if you saw me with my friends you would think I was. But even with them, if you ask about what they thought when they first met me—all thought I was cold and a bitch.

I just which I knew how to change this part of me. But I don’t have the first clue.