Living On The Edge of a Broken Heart.

So I spent today laying low. I had to deal with the guys bringing in the new stove which meant I had to forgo normal sleep and the gym as well. Things went fine but I just felt run down and drained so I just hid out, napped, watched television.

Jac and I had a brief conversation about things and she talked about how I tend to wait for things to happen and that I have to change that. And she is right on so many terms. There is so much I want and yet I feel helpless at points to work at them. I feel limited when it comes to dating in Los Angeles—part of it is the car issue but another is I just don’t feel attractive enough to make it in this city. Add to that my social life—with plenty to do and yet no gay friends to bar hop with—as well as my crazy work life and I just find it hard to make time.

On top of this—I have just been questioning everything about my writing ambitions. Am I a good playwright? Should I be doing screenplays? Or should I work on my columns and if so—then I need to get more exeperience and do things that I can’t really do in Los Angeles. Which leads to leaving Los Angeles—which I’m not sure if I want to do.

This is all I thought of tonight as I went shopping (food and clothes), eating pizza,(off the diet again) and working through rum and cokes (drinking alone.) But tomorrow is another day-packed with plenty of do and people to talk with about things. Maybe this can all make sense soon. Hope so.