Guilty....

So this past Saturday was the much awaited Lizzie and Kelly housewarming party... It was big and loud with an off-beat mix of people--BB, BBC, Emerson and California natives...

The booze was flowing, the apartment pretty and things kept going till about 5 in the morning. And weirdly enough, I was out of sorts the whole time. Some might blame it on Chance not showing but it was quite a bit more than that...

It wasn't really dramatic by any means, but odd event on odd event. Things like Kelly's long lost ex, TY, showing up for the party out of the blue. And while I was happy to see him, iy is hard because there is always a feeling of uncomfortblity due how they broke up and where he has been in his own head. The boy is trying to work through issues and yet it seems to be all he can talk about--and it is hard to deal with when you want to have fun...

Outside of that, everyone played their normal parts and yet, I was disturbed. Kelly finally was alone with one of the Mario Brothers and she also ended up alone with another guy--in Lizzie's room! Lizzie, in an effort to get over Dax--I assume, managed to make out on the stairwell with Coby the backburn love interest. And Joy ended up going home with the most dreaded of Kelly's co-workers and VAleska threw herself at my roommate's brother, Veder...

And I watched all this with usual amount of dettachment. I spun around the party like a little ball, playing with all the people from the various areas of my life. Some time with Willis, and Dominic and Davis--made Lenore and Andrea laugh their little heads off--dodged Smythe and even managed to have some fun with Steven the cockblock...

But the thing that struck me most about the party came the next day. I knew that I was in an odd modd when i left but I wasn't quite sure why. I wasn't really upset about the lack of Chance--there were a handful on my team there to flirt with when things got dull--but rather I realized something.

Even though the party was no different than any other, for the first time I saw desperation in my friends... I don't have a problem with hooking up, going home with someone or just getting through the night but it just all felt kind of forced. And I wondered what they would all think the next day... Would Joy be happy about going home with Jason the Evil (who made sevral cracks about Kelly), Kelly having 2 different men at the same party, Lizzie deciding to get over Dax but just going to town in the most public of arenas...

I guess for some reason, it just felt fake and foreced... And I know that I am assuming alot... Joy could have been providing a ride, Kelly and Jimmy could have been hanging art in Lizzie's closed off room and she could have spooned with Mario Bro. alll night... Lizzie really could be over Dax and not just playing with Coby to try and get over it. But it didn't feel that way.