Just a paragraph to vent--okay maybe two...actually three...
So last night was my first brush with live theatre as a writer and while no one died--I took alot way from it. I was rather disappointed in parts of my piece but not for the reasons people think... I wasn't upset about the monolouge that was cut--I know what I wrote was hard to memorize and possibly direct. I wasn't really upset with how Melanie performed the last monolouge--though it was the one I was most passionate about and I felt doing it scarcastic was a really cheap call given that the others weren't--I knew the director was going to give it their own vision.
What I was upset about was how the 2nd monolouge in the piece was basically rewritten. Half, the important half, was chopped of and the first part written to reflect something that I do not remotely believe. It was very shocking for me to hear that what had been a somewhat balanced attack on Kerry's political style was turned into a Catholic bash. That's not me at all.
I guess the worst part was just feeling like--you got served! I felt that there were people in the aftermath of the show who saw I was upset and felt it was time for me to take my medicine... That this was a good thing for me. I was a little hurt by that vibe, not because of the actors or how it was directed, but that my words were changed to something I didn't feel or believe and yet my name was attached to it.
I'm just glad that Edie, Chloe, Kelly, Lizzie, Davis, Valeska, Lucy, Willis weren't there to see that.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Thursday, October 28, 2004
The Shit list--Things Rory must do in next 48 hours!
1) Be the voice of calm and sanity at the 24 hour show going up this evening.
2) Be brave in the face of the possible brutal slashing of his written work performed on a Los Angeles stage...
3) Clean apartment for the return of roommate tomorrow.
4) Replace said roommate's soda and cheese in refride.
5) Find, buy, destroy bottom for Halloween costume.
6) Coordinate plans for Saturday night bewteen various friends.
7) Buys stamps to send out bills and mail in absentee ballot (why did they stop selling stamp in atm at 711?)
8) Right checks for bills... (see above)
9) Balance checkbook after bills. (see above)
10) Pray that checkcard comes soon becuaes am tired of living off cash because have to take too much out at one time instead of just paying true price of item.
11) Return pillows, curtians and seat cushions to Pier One and get proper curtians before roommate notice lack of---
12) Be gracious to former roommate that I would rather slap as to secure money for last bills and keys.
13) Be pleasent, eager, welcoming and friendly to new roommate moving in as well as introduce the current roommate.
14) Sleep more than 5 hours--ha!
15) get to bank to deposit pay check...
16) Try to see if anyway to get to see Chance on Halloween by inviting him to every single party that I go to in the hopes that he will show up and I will get my trick or treat!
17) Oh and have FUN!!!!!
1) Be the voice of calm and sanity at the 24 hour show going up this evening.
2) Be brave in the face of the possible brutal slashing of his written work performed on a Los Angeles stage...
3) Clean apartment for the return of roommate tomorrow.
4) Replace said roommate's soda and cheese in refride.
5) Find, buy, destroy bottom for Halloween costume.
6) Coordinate plans for Saturday night bewteen various friends.
7) Buys stamps to send out bills and mail in absentee ballot (why did they stop selling stamp in atm at 711?)
8) Right checks for bills... (see above)
9) Balance checkbook after bills. (see above)
10) Pray that checkcard comes soon becuaes am tired of living off cash because have to take too much out at one time instead of just paying true price of item.
11) Return pillows, curtians and seat cushions to Pier One and get proper curtians before roommate notice lack of---
12) Be gracious to former roommate that I would rather slap as to secure money for last bills and keys.
13) Be pleasent, eager, welcoming and friendly to new roommate moving in as well as introduce the current roommate.
14) Sleep more than 5 hours--ha!
15) get to bank to deposit pay check...
16) Try to see if anyway to get to see Chance on Halloween by inviting him to every single party that I go to in the hopes that he will show up and I will get my trick or treat!
17) Oh and have FUN!!!!!
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Hey everyone! The time has come around again!
Do you remember those debates back on October 8th and October 13th? No? Well let us remember together!
Come to the Fake Gallery on October 28th and November 1st at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 dollars at the door. Fake Gallery is located at 4319 Melrose Avenue (323) 661-0786 between Vermont and Normandie just west of Western Avenue.
Each night features 4-6 original pieces in response to the presidential debates. This week's featured authors are Chastity Dotson, Hope Dotson, Seth Grahame-Smith, Brian Fox, Annette Jacobs, Lise Kearney, Rory Lapointe, Steve Sabellico, Bryan Shukoff and Brent Simmons!
Election Day is fast approaching. Let's build the excitement together.
With any luck the Red Sox will win in four:)
You can certainly email me at this address with any questions you may have.
Thanks so much,
Heather Chesley
Rory Lapointe
818-762-7245
Do you remember those debates back on October 8th and October 13th? No? Well let us remember together!
Come to the Fake Gallery on October 28th and November 1st at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 dollars at the door. Fake Gallery is located at 4319 Melrose Avenue (323) 661-0786 between Vermont and Normandie just west of Western Avenue.
Each night features 4-6 original pieces in response to the presidential debates. This week's featured authors are Chastity Dotson, Hope Dotson, Seth Grahame-Smith, Brian Fox, Annette Jacobs, Lise Kearney, Rory Lapointe, Steve Sabellico, Bryan Shukoff and Brent Simmons!
Election Day is fast approaching. Let's build the excitement together.
With any luck the Red Sox will win in four:)
You can certainly email me at this address with any questions you may have.
Thanks so much,
Heather Chesley
Rory Lapointe
818-762-7245
Monday, October 25, 2004
The Achilles Heel...
So I live my life a particular way. I never apologize for it though I do make mistakes, usually in public and with the maxium humilation possible. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated and judge other's actions by the same standard.
And while this works well in my social life--I tend not to judge so that I'm not judged either--in a work environment this tends to get me in trouble.
When comes to work, and my career, I work hard for my alloted hours, am detailed and serious to a degree. I try to have fun with my co-workers yet still get things done as quickly and professional as possible. And while I can be abit anal and overly detiled and questioning I tend to try and be as productive and efficent as possible.
I try to be respectful but am quicker to get annoyed with people in the workplace if they aren't at my standards. This is something I am learning to control about myself and yet it doens't always work. I sometimes get frustrated or upset at others for not being the same type of worker that I am.
Where the trouble starts is when someone does somethng that I find particularly unprofessional--such as verbally attacking a co-worker in front of others. there is a time and place, as well as a way, to discuss issues but not snapping at someone in front the entire team. It is not calling names or using crule terms. And while I have done this once or twice myself, I know that it is not even remotely acceptable.
And something like this happened in the past week and I am still trying to deal with the fact that a co-worker, someone I did respect, would ever approach me or anyone in an office that way. I know that I am not perfect and I am working on it but part of me just wants to scream right now.
That;s the problem with being too friendly with co-workers. Lines can get crossed and things can get said that shouldn't have and then you still have to deal with them 12 hours later.
That's why I don't do those type of things. I'm just saying...
So I live my life a particular way. I never apologize for it though I do make mistakes, usually in public and with the maxium humilation possible. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated and judge other's actions by the same standard.
And while this works well in my social life--I tend not to judge so that I'm not judged either--in a work environment this tends to get me in trouble.
When comes to work, and my career, I work hard for my alloted hours, am detailed and serious to a degree. I try to have fun with my co-workers yet still get things done as quickly and professional as possible. And while I can be abit anal and overly detiled and questioning I tend to try and be as productive and efficent as possible.
I try to be respectful but am quicker to get annoyed with people in the workplace if they aren't at my standards. This is something I am learning to control about myself and yet it doens't always work. I sometimes get frustrated or upset at others for not being the same type of worker that I am.
Where the trouble starts is when someone does somethng that I find particularly unprofessional--such as verbally attacking a co-worker in front of others. there is a time and place, as well as a way, to discuss issues but not snapping at someone in front the entire team. It is not calling names or using crule terms. And while I have done this once or twice myself, I know that it is not even remotely acceptable.
And something like this happened in the past week and I am still trying to deal with the fact that a co-worker, someone I did respect, would ever approach me or anyone in an office that way. I know that I am not perfect and I am working on it but part of me just wants to scream right now.
That;s the problem with being too friendly with co-workers. Lines can get crossed and things can get said that shouldn't have and then you still have to deal with them 12 hours later.
That's why I don't do those type of things. I'm just saying...
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Chloe has left the Lido
Chloe moved up the coast and into her dreams this past Friday and my head has been kind of strange since then. It's not jealous on my part or even that I'm too upset (though I did cry a little on the subway which seems to be a trend in my life) I guess it was just a realiztion of sorts.
Ifelt bad because I realized that I hadn't spent enough time with Chloe, put as much effort in, treated her as well as I should have. I could have come over the hill more, shared more chia teas and nights at Goldfingers, more days of bad Pax tv and homemade meat balls. But I didn't...
And what makes me feel worse is the fact that if I was neglectful with Chloe then I was double with Lucy during her LA journey... I didn't know how to face my fear, not only of public transport but the thought that she was changing into someone I couldn't be and going place I couldn't or shuldn't. So instead of trying to see if our frienship could change with this--I stopped coming around at all...
I feel guilty about this, my lack of trying, my willingness to just let go, hitting the law of my limits within not a friendship but myself.
And as I walked away from the corner of Wilcox and Yucca--one last look at the Playboy Liquor and Goldfingers and all the little bits of their lives that I was allowed to share in--I couldn't help but feel upset at much I missed and lost out on. How much I wasn't there or a good friend. As I say good bye to the Lido Ladies--part wants to say I'm sorry but not being more, doing more. Something I think that a lot of my friends deserve better.
Chloe moved up the coast and into her dreams this past Friday and my head has been kind of strange since then. It's not jealous on my part or even that I'm too upset (though I did cry a little on the subway which seems to be a trend in my life) I guess it was just a realiztion of sorts.
Ifelt bad because I realized that I hadn't spent enough time with Chloe, put as much effort in, treated her as well as I should have. I could have come over the hill more, shared more chia teas and nights at Goldfingers, more days of bad Pax tv and homemade meat balls. But I didn't...
And what makes me feel worse is the fact that if I was neglectful with Chloe then I was double with Lucy during her LA journey... I didn't know how to face my fear, not only of public transport but the thought that she was changing into someone I couldn't be and going place I couldn't or shuldn't. So instead of trying to see if our frienship could change with this--I stopped coming around at all...
I feel guilty about this, my lack of trying, my willingness to just let go, hitting the law of my limits within not a friendship but myself.
And as I walked away from the corner of Wilcox and Yucca--one last look at the Playboy Liquor and Goldfingers and all the little bits of their lives that I was allowed to share in--I couldn't help but feel upset at much I missed and lost out on. How much I wasn't there or a good friend. As I say good bye to the Lido Ladies--part wants to say I'm sorry but not being more, doing more. Something I think that a lot of my friends deserve better.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
I grew a set of balls today--though small ones...
I finally e-mailed Chance and said "let's get together"... I'm not sure where it will go and if he'll even pick up on the offer but it is the bravest thing I can do at the momment. I guess I just got tired of e-mailing him (wait, you didn't know I was e-mailing him? Did I keep it a secert?) and play the game and waiting for him to act on something. Though he did say I hope to see you really soon and that was the fuse to the confindence bomb... Now let's all hope it doesn't blow up in my face!
I finally e-mailed Chance and said "let's get together"... I'm not sure where it will go and if he'll even pick up on the offer but it is the bravest thing I can do at the momment. I guess I just got tired of e-mailing him (wait, you didn't know I was e-mailing him? Did I keep it a secert?) and play the game and waiting for him to act on something. Though he did say I hope to see you really soon and that was the fuse to the confindence bomb... Now let's all hope it doesn't blow up in my face!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Rory Gets His Groove Back.
I spent most of my weekend in borderline seclusion--things had to be wriiten, phone calls to parents made and even some Halloween costume planning. (Yes I know what it is. No I'm not telling!) After a Saturday spent in mounds of political research, I was more than ready to journey over the hill and see my Chloe for one last round up Hollywood style.
The day started interestingly enough. Bewteen weather that wouldn't commit (cold? warm? wet? dry?) and a body that was feeling less than lackluster (t-shirts make me look fat--but not as fat as these polos!!!) I made my way out of the in my most comfortable outift. A cute little t-shirt (with the Tootsie Pop Owl asking how many lick does it take?), messy bed head and a pair of "too dark to look in my eyes sunglasses" and I was off and running.
As I was walking (not working) Hollywood Blvd, this really cute guy was walking towards me (no, he wasn't a dirty pirate ninja) and imagine when he stopped me short, looked at my shirt, in my eyes and back a second time and just said "Nice", gave a squeeze to the shoulder twice and moved on down the road. (Needless to say, I am not that trusting and checked for needle marks and stickers on the shoulder he squeezed. )
I was a little bit startled (But glowly because that does not happen to me in the Valley) and made my way to Chloe's humble house of horrors in a smiley mood. Maybe I wasn't too rolly polly.
After hearing the latest at the Triple L (the Lido Ladies' Loft) Chloe and I took the show to the raod and ended up at our new favorite place--Karma Cafe, the scene of confessions and 24 hour theater. As we came up to the door, I was started by this really hot (and still not a pirate!) guy in a green shirt and little red baseball cap.
And he was looking at me (!?!) and my first thought was "wait, that's not Libby the mad crush from Todd Tv, is it?" and the second was "have I slept with him or something?". After a quick mental rundown of past sexual partners in last 4 months (or about 5 minutes) I realized I have never met nor have any idea who this was. And he was still looking, meeting my eyes and smiling but not in a creepy "lick the lips" sort of way.
After Chloe and I got our drinks (chai ice tea--yum) we went outside and sat the first avaliable table. Right behind him. (this was not planned--Chloe can verify). Chloe and I discussed boys and drugs and leaving LA in hushed tones as I kept getting distarcted by that little sliver of back showing bewteen in his t-shirt and his jeans. (I don't normal do that-by the way)
After a bit he gathered his art supplies (he's an artist! Goddamn I love Hollywood!) and as he gather his backpack, he turned toward our table and smiled at me. Now this could have been random but what is not is him turning back while in the parking lot and yet again locking eyes!!! (WOO HOO!!!)
I guess this is the part where I get up from the table and slide across the parking lot and say something... Insetad this is the momment I kick Chloe under the table or something, make dreamy eyes and wonder what I would do if he came to talk to me... Probably nothing.
But why am I writing this? To brag? (No) To use starngers to build my self-esteem? (Maybe.)Or is it to remind myself that it is never as bad as I think it is? (yes--yes--yes).
See, I live a life right now where those momments are rare and far bewteen. I hang with my staright friends and go to straight bars and never remember how to flirt or behave when I get the attention. But the worst is I forget that I can get that attention because I am never in the places my people go... I'm always at party at a friends' house, or some low-end bar in Burbank or just in the Valley hanging out.
And then I doubt myself because I don't get attention but now I realize--wait, maybe I am kind of cute because when I'm around my boys I do seem to get some reaction. Which then--what do I do with information?
But that is too much for a rainy Tuesday morning so instead I'll just think about artsy boys in red baseball caps who seem to like me... Pretty blue eyes...
I spent most of my weekend in borderline seclusion--things had to be wriiten, phone calls to parents made and even some Halloween costume planning. (Yes I know what it is. No I'm not telling!) After a Saturday spent in mounds of political research, I was more than ready to journey over the hill and see my Chloe for one last round up Hollywood style.
The day started interestingly enough. Bewteen weather that wouldn't commit (cold? warm? wet? dry?) and a body that was feeling less than lackluster (t-shirts make me look fat--but not as fat as these polos!!!) I made my way out of the in my most comfortable outift. A cute little t-shirt (with the Tootsie Pop Owl asking how many lick does it take?), messy bed head and a pair of "too dark to look in my eyes sunglasses" and I was off and running.
As I was walking (not working) Hollywood Blvd, this really cute guy was walking towards me (no, he wasn't a dirty pirate ninja) and imagine when he stopped me short, looked at my shirt, in my eyes and back a second time and just said "Nice", gave a squeeze to the shoulder twice and moved on down the road. (Needless to say, I am not that trusting and checked for needle marks and stickers on the shoulder he squeezed. )
I was a little bit startled (But glowly because that does not happen to me in the Valley) and made my way to Chloe's humble house of horrors in a smiley mood. Maybe I wasn't too rolly polly.
After hearing the latest at the Triple L (the Lido Ladies' Loft) Chloe and I took the show to the raod and ended up at our new favorite place--Karma Cafe, the scene of confessions and 24 hour theater. As we came up to the door, I was started by this really hot (and still not a pirate!) guy in a green shirt and little red baseball cap.
And he was looking at me (!?!) and my first thought was "wait, that's not Libby the mad crush from Todd Tv, is it?" and the second was "have I slept with him or something?". After a quick mental rundown of past sexual partners in last 4 months (or about 5 minutes) I realized I have never met nor have any idea who this was. And he was still looking, meeting my eyes and smiling but not in a creepy "lick the lips" sort of way.
After Chloe and I got our drinks (chai ice tea--yum) we went outside and sat the first avaliable table. Right behind him. (this was not planned--Chloe can verify). Chloe and I discussed boys and drugs and leaving LA in hushed tones as I kept getting distarcted by that little sliver of back showing bewteen in his t-shirt and his jeans. (I don't normal do that-by the way)
After a bit he gathered his art supplies (he's an artist! Goddamn I love Hollywood!) and as he gather his backpack, he turned toward our table and smiled at me. Now this could have been random but what is not is him turning back while in the parking lot and yet again locking eyes!!! (WOO HOO!!!)
I guess this is the part where I get up from the table and slide across the parking lot and say something... Insetad this is the momment I kick Chloe under the table or something, make dreamy eyes and wonder what I would do if he came to talk to me... Probably nothing.
But why am I writing this? To brag? (No) To use starngers to build my self-esteem? (Maybe.)Or is it to remind myself that it is never as bad as I think it is? (yes--yes--yes).
See, I live a life right now where those momments are rare and far bewteen. I hang with my staright friends and go to straight bars and never remember how to flirt or behave when I get the attention. But the worst is I forget that I can get that attention because I am never in the places my people go... I'm always at party at a friends' house, or some low-end bar in Burbank or just in the Valley hanging out.
And then I doubt myself because I don't get attention but now I realize--wait, maybe I am kind of cute because when I'm around my boys I do seem to get some reaction. Which then--what do I do with information?
But that is too much for a rainy Tuesday morning so instead I'll just think about artsy boys in red baseball caps who seem to like me... Pretty blue eyes...
Monday, October 18, 2004
Norma Jean Barrett-Lapointe --1990-2004
I had so many witty things to write about today--my visit with Chloe, my feelings on JK and even more-- Instead though, I am at my desk on the verge of tears and unabashed sentimentality...
My little Norma Jean was put down this morning. I guess I don't know how to feel about this, my littlest dog--the one I accidentally named, the little girl that rode in the front of the bike in a basket and hid little presents of dead animals in my bed... She was put down this morning and I just am surprised at how sad this makes me.
I guess I should have more to say right now but I really need to go to the bathroom before I lose my shit... Norma Jean was a very good girl... I'll miss her very much...
I had so many witty things to write about today--my visit with Chloe, my feelings on JK and even more-- Instead though, I am at my desk on the verge of tears and unabashed sentimentality...
My little Norma Jean was put down this morning. I guess I don't know how to feel about this, my littlest dog--the one I accidentally named, the little girl that rode in the front of the bike in a basket and hid little presents of dead animals in my bed... She was put down this morning and I just am surprised at how sad this makes me.
I guess I should have more to say right now but I really need to go to the bathroom before I lose my shit... Norma Jean was a very good girl... I'll miss her very much...
Sunday, October 17, 2004
I'm giving my pieces up and going home...
Okay--JC is married to a hot guy of 4 years--my arch enemy and largest annoyance of my sophmore year of college is not only married, to a hot guy, of fours...Awkward,unatrractuve and just boring and flaming and a million other words that I can't say... Good damn, I'm giving up and going home.
Okay--JC is married to a hot guy of 4 years--my arch enemy and largest annoyance of my sophmore year of college is not only married, to a hot guy, of fours...Awkward,unatrractuve and just boring and flaming and a million other words that I can't say... Good damn, I'm giving up and going home.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Salad and Sex Change?
So this week has been odd on many levels--the least of which was a very female empowerment night. Kelly, Lizzie, Valeska, and I had a night of 70's style salad with a little bit of wine and laughter. It felt like one of those momments from a Toni Morrison movie as we bitched about men and sex and work and just wanting everything and getting nothing. All it needed was some Arthea and would have been the full montage.
The funnest thing about this is just how true and weird we are all becoming--that as we get older we either cling and marry the ones we are with or we get so used to being single that when someone offers us the option of more that we just freak out... Like what the hell? Why are you changing the rules? We've gotten comfortable with easy pickins and no strings sex...
What scares me most of all is something that Kirby once told me--that after a certain age you can't get in a serious relationship. That you are so set in being single that you can't adapt to someone's life. That after that point--lonliness is a given.
And I think it is starting now--I know that I am not ready for a real relationship and that sex and dinner is all I want for now. Don't call me back, don't stop by my house and if I want you then I will make the effort... And at first I thought it was just a male thing but after Salad Night I know that it's not--unless...
We're all becoming straight frat boys?
So this week has been odd on many levels--the least of which was a very female empowerment night. Kelly, Lizzie, Valeska, and I had a night of 70's style salad with a little bit of wine and laughter. It felt like one of those momments from a Toni Morrison movie as we bitched about men and sex and work and just wanting everything and getting nothing. All it needed was some Arthea and would have been the full montage.
The funnest thing about this is just how true and weird we are all becoming--that as we get older we either cling and marry the ones we are with or we get so used to being single that when someone offers us the option of more that we just freak out... Like what the hell? Why are you changing the rules? We've gotten comfortable with easy pickins and no strings sex...
What scares me most of all is something that Kirby once told me--that after a certain age you can't get in a serious relationship. That you are so set in being single that you can't adapt to someone's life. That after that point--lonliness is a given.
And I think it is starting now--I know that I am not ready for a real relationship and that sex and dinner is all I want for now. Don't call me back, don't stop by my house and if I want you then I will make the effort... And at first I thought it was just a male thing but after Salad Night I know that it's not--unless...
We're all becoming straight frat boys?
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
So I am Taking Suggestions...
It's that time of year--the time of year where I struggle to look less stupid than normal, more fearful of mirrors and just really concerned and self aware of what I am wearing and why I am wearing it...
That's right. Halloween. And this year I would like to not scare people as much as I did last year with the animal dominatrix--don't ask--so I am opening the floor to suggestions... And Joe Mama has already been said several times...
I am also trying to come up with a way to make an advice blog and would love to get any possible feedback on this idea--I was thinking of calling it "Good Rory/Bad Rory: Advice from Both Sides." What do you think? One answer is usually sarcastic and over the top and the other is boring, sweet and genuine... Let me know...
Okay people, practice for Nov 2 and vote on a costume!!!
It's that time of year--the time of year where I struggle to look less stupid than normal, more fearful of mirrors and just really concerned and self aware of what I am wearing and why I am wearing it...
That's right. Halloween. And this year I would like to not scare people as much as I did last year with the animal dominatrix--don't ask--so I am opening the floor to suggestions... And Joe Mama has already been said several times...
I am also trying to come up with a way to make an advice blog and would love to get any possible feedback on this idea--I was thinking of calling it "Good Rory/Bad Rory: Advice from Both Sides." What do you think? One answer is usually sarcastic and over the top and the other is boring, sweet and genuine... Let me know...
Okay people, practice for Nov 2 and vote on a costume!!!
Monday, October 11, 2004
Someone Tell Me Where the Real Men Are?!
Okay... Here's the question at hand. What is wrong with guys right now? I mean, I'm normal recently there has been a lot of sensatiguys--you know, the guys who break up with their boyfriend just to be with you when it was just sex. The guy who you randomly pick up from a bar who confuses you for a girlfriend and calls to ask you to dinner 12 hours after you dropped him back at his car that morning. The guy who cries during sex because he doesn't know "where this is going" and can't handle a one night stand.
What happen to the guys who just like to fuck around, get it going and get gone... Why do we have to kick out the cuddlers, dodge the phone calls, deal with the guilt of someone's emotional baggage when all we did was pick them up?
I mean, is it bad to want a guy to do his business, pull on his jeans and go? Has there been some secert meeting where the majority of guys decdied to change the rules just to fuck with straight women and gay men? Honestly...what is up?
Okay... Here's the question at hand. What is wrong with guys right now? I mean, I'm normal recently there has been a lot of sensatiguys--you know, the guys who break up with their boyfriend just to be with you when it was just sex. The guy who you randomly pick up from a bar who confuses you for a girlfriend and calls to ask you to dinner 12 hours after you dropped him back at his car that morning. The guy who cries during sex because he doesn't know "where this is going" and can't handle a one night stand.
What happen to the guys who just like to fuck around, get it going and get gone... Why do we have to kick out the cuddlers, dodge the phone calls, deal with the guilt of someone's emotional baggage when all we did was pick them up?
I mean, is it bad to want a guy to do his business, pull on his jeans and go? Has there been some secert meeting where the majority of guys decdied to change the rules just to fuck with straight women and gay men? Honestly...what is up?
Friday, October 08, 2004
Is it wrong?
I have figured out how to not work while looking like I am working. As my co-workers watch me do my job I am really writting this to you, in the logging programing and pasting it into blog. I guess I should feel guilty about this but I don't. I mean, I do alot of work and the guy who sets next to me just does baseball stats all day while I am doing transcription for 10 hours. The job is normally a combination of logging and transcription but the last couple of days have been all transcription due to personal request by boss. There is one tape left and I think that evil co-worker should have to do it. Is that wrong? Just wondering...
I have figured out how to not work while looking like I am working. As my co-workers watch me do my job I am really writting this to you, in the logging programing and pasting it into blog. I guess I should feel guilty about this but I don't. I mean, I do alot of work and the guy who sets next to me just does baseball stats all day while I am doing transcription for 10 hours. The job is normally a combination of logging and transcription but the last couple of days have been all transcription due to personal request by boss. There is one tape left and I think that evil co-worker should have to do it. Is that wrong? Just wondering...
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Mr. DeMille, I hate my Close Up...
So I did a favor--got tricked into it, blind sided and just guilted. I acted in a shot for Kirby. Not crowd scene, not extra, lead chcracter. And I didn't want to do it.
Of course, it was something that I had written and something that had a gay character thus I was cast... I guess I shoudln't be surprised by this type of thing but I was. I felt like it was either me or nothing would get made and I would be the bad person in the situtation.
Which leads to me feeling awkward and fat and on tape. I wonder if I would care as much if I looked better... I just feel fat and though I try I just can't seems to make any forward movemnet and so then I just get very into myself. And doing something that is all about look at me is not the perfect ideal.
But the actual filming was fine. There was wine galore to drink, Ruby was great to be partnered with and Lise was just very direct and strong and supportive. And it was fun time, especially playing the stricken victim of a run away newspaper. Good times.
But I will never see it. People may say I was good or tell me that they like it but I will never know. The ideal of watching myself makes me want to curl into a ball and die. (okay--a little overdone but...) Of course, given current trends--they may force me to watch it anyhow.
So I did a favor--got tricked into it, blind sided and just guilted. I acted in a shot for Kirby. Not crowd scene, not extra, lead chcracter. And I didn't want to do it.
Of course, it was something that I had written and something that had a gay character thus I was cast... I guess I shoudln't be surprised by this type of thing but I was. I felt like it was either me or nothing would get made and I would be the bad person in the situtation.
Which leads to me feeling awkward and fat and on tape. I wonder if I would care as much if I looked better... I just feel fat and though I try I just can't seems to make any forward movemnet and so then I just get very into myself. And doing something that is all about look at me is not the perfect ideal.
But the actual filming was fine. There was wine galore to drink, Ruby was great to be partnered with and Lise was just very direct and strong and supportive. And it was fun time, especially playing the stricken victim of a run away newspaper. Good times.
But I will never see it. People may say I was good or tell me that they like it but I will never know. The ideal of watching myself makes me want to curl into a ball and die. (okay--a little overdone but...) Of course, given current trends--they may force me to watch it anyhow.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Guilty....
So this past Saturday was the much awaited Lizzie and Kelly housewarming party... It was big and loud with an off-beat mix of people--BB, BBC, Emerson and California natives...
The booze was flowing, the apartment pretty and things kept going till about 5 in the morning. And weirdly enough, I was out of sorts the whole time. Some might blame it on Chance not showing but it was quite a bit more than that...
It wasn't really dramatic by any means, but odd event on odd event. Things like Kelly's long lost ex, TY, showing up for the party out of the blue. And while I was happy to see him, iy is hard because there is always a feeling of uncomfortblity due how they broke up and where he has been in his own head. The boy is trying to work through issues and yet it seems to be all he can talk about--and it is hard to deal with when you want to have fun...
Outside of that, everyone played their normal parts and yet, I was disturbed. Kelly finally was alone with one of the Mario Brothers and she also ended up alone with another guy--in Lizzie's room! Lizzie, in an effort to get over Dax--I assume, managed to make out on the stairwell with Coby the backburn love interest. And Joy ended up going home with the most dreaded of Kelly's co-workers and VAleska threw herself at my roommate's brother, Veder...
And I watched all this with usual amount of dettachment. I spun around the party like a little ball, playing with all the people from the various areas of my life. Some time with Willis, and Dominic and Davis--made Lenore and Andrea laugh their little heads off--dodged Smythe and even managed to have some fun with Steven the cockblock...
But the thing that struck me most about the party came the next day. I knew that I was in an odd modd when i left but I wasn't quite sure why. I wasn't really upset about the lack of Chance--there were a handful on my team there to flirt with when things got dull--but rather I realized something.
Even though the party was no different than any other, for the first time I saw desperation in my friends... I don't have a problem with hooking up, going home with someone or just getting through the night but it just all felt kind of forced. And I wondered what they would all think the next day... Would Joy be happy about going home with Jason the Evil (who made sevral cracks about Kelly), Kelly having 2 different men at the same party, Lizzie deciding to get over Dax but just going to town in the most public of arenas...
I guess for some reason, it just felt fake and foreced... And I know that I am assuming alot... Joy could have been providing a ride, Kelly and Jimmy could have been hanging art in Lizzie's closed off room and she could have spooned with Mario Bro. alll night... Lizzie really could be over Dax and not just playing with Coby to try and get over it. But it didn't feel that way.
So this past Saturday was the much awaited Lizzie and Kelly housewarming party... It was big and loud with an off-beat mix of people--BB, BBC, Emerson and California natives...
The booze was flowing, the apartment pretty and things kept going till about 5 in the morning. And weirdly enough, I was out of sorts the whole time. Some might blame it on Chance not showing but it was quite a bit more than that...
It wasn't really dramatic by any means, but odd event on odd event. Things like Kelly's long lost ex, TY, showing up for the party out of the blue. And while I was happy to see him, iy is hard because there is always a feeling of uncomfortblity due how they broke up and where he has been in his own head. The boy is trying to work through issues and yet it seems to be all he can talk about--and it is hard to deal with when you want to have fun...
Outside of that, everyone played their normal parts and yet, I was disturbed. Kelly finally was alone with one of the Mario Brothers and she also ended up alone with another guy--in Lizzie's room! Lizzie, in an effort to get over Dax--I assume, managed to make out on the stairwell with Coby the backburn love interest. And Joy ended up going home with the most dreaded of Kelly's co-workers and VAleska threw herself at my roommate's brother, Veder...
And I watched all this with usual amount of dettachment. I spun around the party like a little ball, playing with all the people from the various areas of my life. Some time with Willis, and Dominic and Davis--made Lenore and Andrea laugh their little heads off--dodged Smythe and even managed to have some fun with Steven the cockblock...
But the thing that struck me most about the party came the next day. I knew that I was in an odd modd when i left but I wasn't quite sure why. I wasn't really upset about the lack of Chance--there were a handful on my team there to flirt with when things got dull--but rather I realized something.
Even though the party was no different than any other, for the first time I saw desperation in my friends... I don't have a problem with hooking up, going home with someone or just getting through the night but it just all felt kind of forced. And I wondered what they would all think the next day... Would Joy be happy about going home with Jason the Evil (who made sevral cracks about Kelly), Kelly having 2 different men at the same party, Lizzie deciding to get over Dax but just going to town in the most public of arenas...
I guess for some reason, it just felt fake and foreced... And I know that I am assuming alot... Joy could have been providing a ride, Kelly and Jimmy could have been hanging art in Lizzie's closed off room and she could have spooned with Mario Bro. alll night... Lizzie really could be over Dax and not just playing with Coby to try and get over it. But it didn't feel that way.
Monday, October 04, 2004
LA When It Works...
It is a rare thing but every so often this city seems to work for me. Not in a great, happy, "ohmigod-I-want-to-live-here-forever" sort of way but in a "sometimes I forget that this can be artistic more profit.
Take for example tonight... The first of the four 24 hour shows have started and it was great. People were eager and open and just willing to take a chance on the project and the subject matter. I was proud to be a part of a project that makes people think, question and explore their own views about politics and voting and the VERY IMPORTANT UPCOMING ELECTION.
But besides that, it showed me that Ruby and Kirby and I could come up and execute something from PADWAD. This was a thought that Ruby brought to the table and thought it took some time to heat up--it was amazing and powerful with strong writers and projects and a real showing of the type of talent that does exist in this city.
I sometimes think that people to often blame the city when, honestly, the city can become what you need it to be. Now, it is a different thing if you need something from a particular place, like the history of a Boston, the pace of a New York or even the poetry of San Francisco. But just don't forget that LA can be soemthing too...
And that is what the shows reminded me. That this city is full of talents yet to be discovered and explored. But that coming to together and doing it for yourself--that's a real artist. And doing something you believe in. That's a passionate artist.
It is a rare thing but every so often this city seems to work for me. Not in a great, happy, "ohmigod-I-want-to-live-here-forever" sort of way but in a "sometimes I forget that this can be artistic more profit.
Take for example tonight... The first of the four 24 hour shows have started and it was great. People were eager and open and just willing to take a chance on the project and the subject matter. I was proud to be a part of a project that makes people think, question and explore their own views about politics and voting and the VERY IMPORTANT UPCOMING ELECTION.
But besides that, it showed me that Ruby and Kirby and I could come up and execute something from PADWAD. This was a thought that Ruby brought to the table and thought it took some time to heat up--it was amazing and powerful with strong writers and projects and a real showing of the type of talent that does exist in this city.
I sometimes think that people to often blame the city when, honestly, the city can become what you need it to be. Now, it is a different thing if you need something from a particular place, like the history of a Boston, the pace of a New York or even the poetry of San Francisco. But just don't forget that LA can be soemthing too...
And that is what the shows reminded me. That this city is full of talents yet to be discovered and explored. But that coming to together and doing it for yourself--that's a real artist. And doing something you believe in. That's a passionate artist.
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